‘Girls Guns and Blood’ Review
Stars: Cody Renee Cameron, Christine Nguyen, Cherie DeVille, Britney Amber, Rebecca Love, Kleio Valentien, Chaz Taylor, Danielle Evon Ploeger, Holly Reidenbach, Woody Almazan, James W. Evermore, Jamie Hooks, Kevin Clayton, Qu Griffin, Bryan Tai Self, Kenneth Sevier | Written by Jeff O’Brien, Robert Rowland | Directed by Thegin German, Robert Rowland
Let’s step back in time shall we? To an age when women were objects of sexual desire and carried huge weapons… Nope I’m not talking about any of Andy Sidaris’ films but rather Girls Guns and Blood – a movie that harkens back to a politically incorrect time when tits and ass were all the rage and when budgets didn’t stretch to an named stars. Though to be fair to writer/director Robert Rowland his cast includes a few familiar names, well familiar if you know your adult cinema!
Yes, when you need a cast that is happy to run round topless AND can act (to an extent) why not cast adult performers in you film? So we have the likes of Christine Nguyen, Cherie DeVille, Britney Amber, Rebecca Love and Kleio Valentien appearing in Girls Guns and Blood alongside actresses Danielle Evon Ploeger (Last Girl Standing) and Cody Renee Cameron (Ballers, El Camino), who also provides the films stunts.
The film itself tells the story of a little brothel in Texas which gets robbed by a gang of thieves. However these ladies are not going to take this laying down (unlike their day job) and track down the thieves. Getting their revenge and taking them out one by one… in both sexual AND violent ways. Are there any other?
If you’re unsure, let me stress this right now. Girls Guns and Blood is NOT a film to be taken seriously. In the slightest. For one, the title should suggest that too you; then there’s the over the top performances from everyone involved… and if either of those didn’t convince you, how about the continued use slow-mo to the sound used when Steve Austin ran slowly in 70s TV stalwart The Six Million Dollar Man? Convinced?
Speaking of standout scenes, Girls Guns and Blood is PACKED with memorable moments. Honestly. And no, not just all the scenes featuring boobs, stripping and pole dances! For starters there’s the ridiculous moment the girls all get dressed for revenge and pose at the end of the driveway. One by one. In a lengthy protracted scene that echoes and mocks the sheer ridiculousness of those types of scenes in Hollywood blockbusters. There’s also a running joke that one of the girls, Vice (Jamie Hooks) just won’t die – she’s beaten up, stabbed, shot and keeps on going. Christ, this film even features ninjas. Ninjas! Someone in production has watched too many Godfrey Ho films it would seem… FYI, there’s now way I’m going to go into detail about the films most memorable scene, where the girls try and extract information from one of the robbers. Honestly, that has to be seen to be believed!
Remarkably whilst Girls Guns and Blood uses a lot of the tropes of the Hollywood action movie to tell their story (including some brilliant fight scenes), at the same time the film turns many of them on their head, mocking those same concepts and cliches. You see, that’s the thing, for all of Girls Guns and Blood shortcomings, the film is actually a brilliant knowing parody of the type of action-movie fare many of us grew up on – even down to the soundtrack!
**** 4/5
Girls Guns and Blood screened as part of the Boobs and Blood Film Festival in Los Angeles on October 5th 2019.
Thanks. This review made the whole movie worth making. See you get it. It is a totally ridiculous movie and premise. At the end of the Cherie Deville scene her last line is I think we used around the right amount of time. That whole scene was done after we edited and needed 6 minutes to fill to get to a feature. Yes we are mocking ourselves and movies in general. Thank you again for this. Made my day.