Horror-On-Sea 2019: ‘House Shark’ Review
Stars: Trey Harrison, Michael Merchant, Wes Reid, Nathan Bonk, Jennie Russo, Samantha Varga, Brett Janeski, Melissa LaMartina, Mary Snell, Nathan Hine, Edward Mastin, John Krenrich, Sarah Noelle, Stacy M. Underwood | Written and Directed by Ron Bonk
Ron Bonk, whose film She Kills played at Horror-On-Sea last year, returns to the festival with his magnum opus House Shark – which tells the story of Frank (Trey Harrison) who finds his happy home under attack by a dangerous but largely unknown breed of shark. To taje on the dealy foe he’s enlists the aid of the world’s only “House Shark” Expert, Zachary (Michael Merchant), and a grizzled former real estate agent, Abraham (Wes Reid), who help him to embark on a desperate quest to destroy the beast and claim back his life.
OK, so let me get this straight House Shark is a Jaws remake, right..? Frank is Brody, Zachary is [an insane] Hooper, and real estate agent Abraham is Quint. Only these three guys don’t set out on a boat, instead they go into Frank’s house! And the Jaws references don’t stop there, the film even has a Jaws-inspired sing-a-long scene, only taken to a ridiculous extreme like the rest of this absurd movie. Oh, and there are also nods to the likes of Predator, The Six Million Dollar Man, Alien AND Star Wars!!
Absurd is definitely the word when it comes to House Shark, this film is tongue-in-cheek to the point of absolute asurdity; and as such has little to recommend it to the average moviegoer. This particular slice of celluloid cheese is DEFINITELY one for genre fans only – and ones with high tolerance for crappy movies. I’ve got to admit, even as a fan of shark movies of ALL budgets, Ron Bonk’s House Shark was something of a chore to sit through. Mainly because there isn’t enough rubber-suited, man-eating shark action!
If you ever wanted to see three men fight underwater, without actually being underwater – instead pretending to float along, with objects pulled up and down with string(!) then House Shark is one for you! If you ever wanted to see a film with a character inspired by both Quint from Jaws AND Abraham Lincoln, then House Shark is for you! If you ever wanted to see a film where men hide from a giant shark by pretending to be a lamp and a bookcase, then House Shark is for you! If you ever dreamed of seeing two “heroes” sing a lullaby to a shark to evade capture… then House Shark is for you!
Now if that doesn’t give you some idea of what you’re letting yourself in for by watching Ron Bonk’s latest fear-flick then nothing will. Honestly, if ever there was a film made for watching with a bunch a like-minded friends while either a) getting high or b) getting blind-drunk then House Shark is it.
House Shark screens at Horror-On-Sea 2019 on Sunday January 13th at 10.30pm
