‘3-Headed Shark Attack’ Review
Stars: Karrueche Tran, Jason Simmons, Rob Van Dam, Danny Trejo, Jena Sims, Brad Mills, Scott Thomas Reynolds | Written by Jacob Cooney, Bill Hanstock | Directed by Christopher Olen Ray
It seems oh-so-obvious, but would you believe me if I told you that 3-Headed Shark Attack is a sequel to the 2012 film 2-Headed Shark Attack? Well it is. And both films come from Christopher Olen Ray, son of legendary (well at least in my house) B-movie director Fred Olen Ray, and director of the fantastic, and criminally over-looked, action flick Mercenaries. Ray is also one of the best director that purveyors of Syfy channel shlock, The Asylum, currently have on their roster.
Of course your enjoyment of this film depends entirely on whether or not you’re a fan of the un-ironically bad films that The Asylum – and the Syfy channel – have made their stock and trade. For me their films are often hit-and-miss: for every Mercenaries there’s a Death Racers, for every Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies (another personal favourite) there’s an 18 Year Old Virgin… Thankfully 3-Headed Shark Attack falls into the former camp thanks to the deft hand of Ray at the helm.
3-Headed Shark Attack sees a group of scientists embark on a mission to study an ocean garbage patch, when a clutch of mutated sea species are discovered. With the grotesque mutations displaying aggressive behaviour and advanced intelligence, the scientists are spooked and prepare to raise the alarm, but before they can, their lab is violently attacked by the mother of all predators a giant, three-headed shark! As the ferocious killing machine wreaks havoc, it starts eating its way from one end of a booze-cruise ship to the other…
Continuity errors, bad CGI, scantily-clad cast, gaping plot holes, and a ton of topless women – this film from The Asylum has it all. It also has a character surfing atop the titular shark using an axe to hold on! If that fact alone doesn’t sell you on 3-Headed Shark Attack then nothing will. Not sold yet? How about if I tell you that WWE wrestler Rob Van Dam and movie-badass Danny Trejo BOTH make cameos in the film. RVD even gets a chance to shine as a hero on the booze-cruise liner; whilst Trejo and his “fishermen” cohorts (I say “fishermen” as I’m positive regular fishermen don’t have a stash of machine guns on their boats) shoot the shit out of the killer shark with CG bullets before Trejo pulls out his machete! All in a days work for a Syfy creature feature right?
If you’ve seen the original film, or in fact ANY of the Syfy/The Asylum killer fish flicks then you’ll know exactly what to expect from 3-Headed Shark Attack. Even if Olen Ray and co. do play this one a lot more seriously than the likes of Sharknado and its sequels (which, to be fair, is actually a good thing); and it drags on just that bit too long…
3-Headed Shark Attack is available on DVD and VOD now.
