‘For Sale By Exorcist’ VOD Review
Stars: Emily Classen, John Dimes, Kalima Young | Written by Chris LaMartina, Rob Walker | Directed by Melissa LaMartina
Susan Price (Emily Classen; The Only Ones, Ape Canyon) is a real estate agent, she also happens to be a certified exorcist. That’s actually a pretty good combination, as she picks up haunted houses on the cheap, gets rid of the ghosts and sells them at a profit. She’s the central character in director Melissa LaMartina’s film For Sale by Exorcist. Written by her husband Chris LaMartina (WNUF Halloween Special, Call Girl of Cthulhu) and Rob Walker with Eduardo Sanchez (The Blair Witch Project, Altered) as one of the producers it’s a mockumentary about Susan’s struggles to clear the house of her dreams of all the spirits she’s cast out of their homes before they turn her into a spirit as well.
We hear about her start in real estate, being tasked with selling the homes the agency couldn’t move, one of which was the scene of a cult’s murder/suicide in the 60s. Her ability to deal with the infestation of hippy ghosts set her on her path. And an interviewer’s question is about to send her on another path, this one to find a home of her own.
Up until this point, there isn’t much in the way of overtly ghostly activity, just our heroine yelling at a ghost that keeps making walls bleed and a woman becoming enraged and trying to beat up the succubus she thinks is after her husband, which results in her repeatedly punching the poor guy in the nuts.
Much of the humour comes from more mundane sources such as parodies of the ‘anything for a sale” real estate agent and all the folksy “homespun” phrases Susan comes out with. The film is funny, but not in the way I was expecting, functioning more as a parody of basic cable TV shows than horror films.
But once she falls for a house whose elderly owners are selling because they can’t keep up with all the problems caused by the spirits infesting it, that changes. Almost immediately a poltergeist trashes her hotel room, which doesn’t warn her off but another buyer poses problems, it’s like a Halloween special for The Discovery Channel as she contends with problems from the living and the dead. It seems the couple who also want it are of the spooky variety and want it complete with ghosts, many of whom are ones she cast out of their previous homes.
The film’s lack of effects beyond objects moving by themselves might be an issue for anyone expecting another Ghostbusters. For Sale by Exorcist doesn’t even match up to Ghost Fever in term of effects or star power. For the millions who missed it, that film featured Sherman Hemsley, best known for playing George Jefferson as a cop investigating a haunted plantation in a tribute to old films such as Ghost Chasers, The Cat and the Canary and The Ghost Breakers.
While it does have some inventive moments like the spirits using the subtitles on a TV to try and send a message it more often than not falls short and is amusing rather than actually funny. The small cast has a couple of standouts including John Dimes (Pine Bros. Presents: Cinema Insomnia Haunted House Special, The Worldwide Television and Radio Horror Host Hall of Fame) as Father Doyle and Kalima Young (What Happens Next Will Scare You, Living Proof) as Susan’s therapist Dr. Zaffin.
With some sharper writing and a better budget For Sale by Exorcist could have been a winner, instead it’s merely a painless way to kill ninety minutes.
** 2/5
For Sale by Exorcist is available on digital and VOD platforms from Dread, Epic Pictures’ genre label.
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