17th Jul2020

‘The Goocher’ VOD Review (Amazon Prime)

by Phil Wheat

Stars: Louis Banks, Anita Farmer Bergman, Kc Burke, Robert Lamar Burns, Nicholas George Castle, Emily Dunay, Paul Frazier, Shirley Gerber, Andi Gudgeon, Megan Hall, Grace Kelly, Michael Matthew Moore, Erin Perez, Preston B. Russell, Carolyn L Seymour, Donald Smith | Written and Directed by William Lee

Sometimes… Just sometimes… A film can sell itself on name alone. Literally. That is most-definitely the case with The Goocher, a film made on a budget of less than ten thousand dollars – something the production company Cinema Lexzikon was proud of shouting from the rooftops during their Indiegogo campaign for this film – by indie filmmaker William Lee, a thirty-year veteran of movie-making who’s earliest works have apparently been picked up for restoration and distribution by AGFA: the American Genre Film Archive.

So why did I say just sold on the title? Well for those unaware, ‘gooch’ is slang for the perineum, aka the taint; and ANY film that names itself after that particular part of the human anatomy – and calls its monster “The Goocher” has to be worth checking out. But beware, when I say this is low-budget filmmaking, I mean this is LOOOOOOWWW budget filmmaking. Shot guerrilla style, with voice overs filling in the plot points – including a cameo from two very familiar text-to-speech voices – this is a rough as they come. Like old-school shot-on-video rough. Only shot on digital, so it doesn’t ALWAYS look that bad!

The plot is a basic as they come (not really). Six strangers wake up in the woods and are made to battle it out in a fight for survival at the behest of Desiree Crabtree – daughter of millionaire Jericho Crabtree – who is getting revenge on these six for screwing over her dead dad. Only there’s one enemy they weren’t expecting… the titular Goocher, a creature of myth and legend. However these six, the group that forced them to participate in this game of death, and the Goocher herself (for it is a she), are also the subject of an investigation by two special agents who – in a rather obtuse opening – receive instructions from a voice on the end of the computer to track down the Goocher, everyone in the woods, the organisers of this game of death and then nuke the ENTIRE forest!

Now I was expecting some sort of monster that would tear out people’s gooches… why else would you use that term in a film, right? That’s not what we got though. Instead we have girl who has been f*cked over by a secret government group who’ve turned her into a genetically modified creature that may, or may not, be possessed by the soul of an ancient Indian spirit – a goocher – who kills people by eating their souls. Souls which, when someone is attacked by the goocher, pop out of peoples mouths like lumpy mashed potato, which the goocher promptly eats! As if that’s not wild enough, the goocher’s sister turns up to blow her to smithereens, unleashing an army of zombie goochers, which are taken down by a ninja! You’ve got to love a film that just throws everything at the wall to see what sticks.

Speaking of what sticks, here it’s certainly a lot more than the lumpy-mash souls of the goocher’s victims! This is one film where there’s never, and I do mean never, a dull moment. The Goocher is far too bat-shit crazy to ever be dull… all the way to the films disturbing final moments! Oh and by the way, did I mention the bizarre choice to foley every hit in this film, be it by fist, stick or sword, like it’s never ANY of those things?!

Most-definitely not a film for everyone, I’ve certainly never seen anything quite like this before, The Goocher is available to stream (for free) now on Amazon Prime Video.


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