Frightfest 2023: ‘Thorns’ Review
Stars: Jon Bennett, Cassandra Schomer, Bo Shumaker, Doug Bradley, Pamela Martin, Lillie Angel, Brigid Casey, Elly Schulze | Written and Directed by Douglas Schulze
The people behind promoting Thorns knew exactly what they were doing. A lot of the imagery I saw showed a ‘monster’ of sorts wearing mainly black and with a crown of thorns covering their eyes. Definitely inspired by Pinhead and the Hellraiser movies but they also managed to get Pinhead himself – Doug Bradley – on board to star in the movie. And you know what? It worked because that was why I wanted to check Thorns out.
The story sounds much more bizarre on paper than it actually is on screen. An ex-priest who now works for NASA (I’m guessing that doesn’t happen too often in real life?!) is sent to a remote observatory that has gone silent since receiving a radio signal from outer space. That radio signal is the start of a threat against all humans on Earth.
It’s not the only thing the movie has going for it but the filmmakers definitely know that people are here for the gore and the cool-looking ‘monster design. And because of that, we get plenty of both. The thorns covering the yes and the deformed mouth make for a suitably terrifying look and the way that character is introduced is perfectly horrific too. Almost all of Thorns’ best scenes involve blood. That’s no bad thing of course when you’re making a horror movie. Practical and digital effects are both used and it will surprise almost no one that the practical effects look a whole lot better than the digital ones. I really don’t know why anyone chooses to add blood digitally (I assume it has to do with budget), it never looks good. On the other hand, when Thorns has actual, physical gore and we see body parts and skin ripped apart, it’s pretty great. If, like many people, you came here for the blood and gore, you almost certainly won’t be disappointed.
There are only really three roles of note other than the monster. Jon Bennett plays Gabriel the former priest. And, although I wouldn’t say he blew me away with his performance, I was very surprised to see after that he only has a couple of acting roles to his name. There were a couple of times when his reactions to things in front of him didn’t look great but generally he was good. He is the focus of much of the movie and without a good performance the movie falls apart completely. Alongside him is Cassandra Schomer as the Nun who is trying to stop the end of the world with him. She has no lines – the Nun is mute – so it’s a difficult role but I thought she was enjoyable too. And then we get to Doug Bradley. After seeing this and obviously knowing him almost entirely from the Hellraiser movies, it shocks me that he hasn’t had bigger roles in his career. Technically, he is just a talking head in Thorns – he is a priest whom our main character contacts via video call throughout the movie. But he does have plenty of dialogue and he is excellent with all of it. Your focus is entirely on him and what he is saying when he’s on screen. I really enjoyed him in this movie.
Not everything works on Thorns. The whole radio signal controlling humans story falls a bit flat for me and the outcome of the story was a bit too on the nose but it doesn’t ruin the good things. Come for the gore and you’ll be a happy horror fan/
*** 3/5
Thorns screened as part of this year’s Pigeon Shrine Frightfest London.
