‘Piglet’ VOD Review
Stars: Alexander Butler, Alina Desmond, Valery Danko, Lauren Staerck, Alina Varakuta, Shayli Reagan, Jeremy Vinogradov | Written by Harry Boxley | Directed by Andrea M. Catinella
We just reviewed Mouse of Horrors, and now its co-writer Harry Boxley, who has also given us the likes of Tsunami Sharks and The Madness of Humpty Dumpty, is back with Piglet. Yes, another attempt to cash in on the Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey franchise from its distributor ITN.
Apparently set in America despite the characters’ British accents, the film opens with a condemned criminal (Alexander Butler; Gods of Their Own Religion, The Shimian) making their escape from custody and heading for a cave in the woods where they don a familiar looking mask in preparation for the arrival of some victims.
They don’t have long to wait before Kate (Alina Desmond; Freddy’s Friday, Aliens Return) and her friends Judith (Valery Danko; 97 Minutes, Deadly Perfect), Alex (Lauren Staerck; Cinderella’s Revenge, Crocodile Swarm), Dianne (Alina Varakuta; Whisper in the Dark) and Susie (Shayli Reagan; Mouseboat Massacre, Lawyer Up, My Heiress) arrive to celebrate Kate’s 21st birthday.
Back at the cave, Piglet seems to have found a partner in crime, Mr. Hogarth (Jeremy Vinogradov; Madeleine, Fountain of Youth) who tells him about their arrival. He also tells his piggy partner that he can have one of them, the rest go in the freezer.
It bears repeating that despite using the same mask and some dialogue at the beginning about mad doctors and experiments meant to make you think of Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey 2 this is not connected to the so-called Poohniverse or Twisted Childhood films. It’s pretty much a British version of an 80s backwoods slasher, with vacationers getting hacked up by a masked killer with a taste for human flesh.
Boxley and director Andrea M. Catinella (Island of the Dolls 2, Christmas with the Pups 2: Pups Alone) serve up a generic and predictable story. The moment you hear that they have more friends on the way, you know they won’t arrive alive, and it comes as no surprise who the cabin was rented from either.
Throw in a car that won’t start, no cell service, some red herrings, people sealing their fate by wandering off alone or having sex in the woods, garnish with a dark secret in the heroines past, and serve warmed over.
What’s missing are the scares, suspense, or just about any of the reasons to watch a film like this. The effects by Tequila Carter (Peter Pan’s Neverland Nightmare, Tales of the Underworld) are passable but unremarkable, with much of the gore kept off-screen. The only thing about Piglet that stands out is the previously mentioned sex in the woods scene, which at least provides a nice display of tits and tats.
The cast is as bland as the script, some of them occasionally display a bit of “personality” such as the mean girl or the lesbian couple, but they’re mostly interchangeable as they wander around and wait to die. I was hoping Jeremy Vinogradov would do some scenery chewing as the psychotic Mr. Hogarth, but he underplays the role instead, barely registering any emotion even whilst hacking someone to death.
By the time the plot starts venturing into Texas Chainsaw Massacre territory, I just wanted it to be over. But we have to sit through multiple false endings before that finally happens.
Piglet doesn’t even have the train wreck appeal of Mouse of Horrors. It’s competently made, it’s just exceptionally dull. Having jellyfish, or better yet, piranha, appear in the jacuzzi would actually have been an improvement here. Some films are the cinematic equivalent of junk food, unfortunately, in the case of Piglet, it’s a bag of stale pork rinds.
* 1/5
ITN has released Piglet to digital platforms.
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