08th Sep2021

Friday Night Smackdown – Sept 3rd 2021: Second Opinion

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and f–k you, muthafukka! I don’t need yo ass! I’m da bad-ass muddafugga! I watched the show! I reviewed the show! I turned in the show…late! So…f–k you! Git down wit da good s–t! You know I’m dumb-ass! I…wait…damn it! You know I ain’t no dumb-ass! On this show, Cesaro fights Seth Rollins and Finn Balor challenges Roman Reigns for the WWE Universal Title. F–k you! Show starts…a couple of days ago. So it’s late! F–k you!

Match #1: The Street Profits b. The Usos (DQ)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After a biting back-and-forth war of words before the bout, the time for talk was over between The Street Profits and The Usos. With Universal Champion Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman watching from their private locker room, the SmackDown Tag Team Champions failed to get the job done when Jey Uso interrupted a pinfall attempt and refused to exit the ring, leading to the disqualification. The Profits were able to punctuate the win when Montez Ford went sailing over the top rope to wipe out both Usos and make a statement at the expense of the champs.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – What the s–t was this s–t? It was…okay. Who the hell wants okay? S–t! The S–t Profits and The S–tos went s–t to s–t and s–t a load of s–t all over the place and it was a crappy thing to do! Oh s–t! I said crap! I’m going to Hell! S–t! This s–t was the kind of s–t that you might o ly give a s–t about if you think that a bunch of spots and a lot of running around is worth a s–t. Don’t give me s–t about not giving a s–t about a a s–t-booked match that undermined the kind of wrestling both teams can offer. This s–t was no the s–t. I wanted some cool s–t to happen and jack-s–t happened instead. You’re s–t out of luck if you f–kin’ think this f–kin’ meecrob is worth a s–t! I wanted wrestling and proper tags…not these s–ty spill-over action sequences that offer only fumes instead of fuel. All in all, this was a load of s–t, but since I have a s–t-eating-grin all the time, I can proudly lie and tell you that this s–t was off the chain! S–t!

Match #2: Rick Boogs b. Dolph Ziggler

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

King Nakamura’s heavy metal loving cohort, Rick Boogs, competed in his first singles match on SmackDown against Dolph Ziggler, and the result was a smash hit for the skilled guitarist. Boogs was able to hit Ziggler with a huge Pumphandle Slam for the victory.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – Time was the enemy of this bout. Boogs and Dolph were working hard, but the clock was giving them the finger the whole time. Boogs has some fabulous wrestling skills, nut they keep getting squashed under the feet of Vince’s booking strategy. I don’t care if that’s a stupid phrase! Shut up!

Match #3: Cesaro b. Seth Rollins (DQ)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

A rivalry was renewed as Seth Rollins took on Cesaro as The Visionary of Drip purported to be moving on from Edge. Rollins’ actual intentions became clear when he grabbed a steel chair and began to unleash an assault on Cesaro to end their bout. Rollins continued the attack beginning to bare an eerie resemblance to The Rated-R Superstar as he used a piece of the chair to lock The Swiss Cyborg in a face-bending Crossface. After his patented Stomp, Rollins was about to deliver a devastating Con-Chair-To, but Edge burst onto the scene to send SmackDown’s Saviour backing away.

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – This was pretty damn good for a match that ended by DQ…Dairy Queen. Ice cream was thrown to the left and right of them both! Chocolate syrup gushed all over the canvas in an eruption of Hershey squirts. Sprinkles splashed atop Cesaro with a gentle tinkle. Seth was fudge-packin’ the match full of all the ooey-gooey goodness that you’d hope for from these guys. Seth and Cesaro gellato real well with each other, from the immediacy of their grappling to the way these guys… Scoutmaster Regis: The Boy Scouts does not appreciate ice cream humor! Me: Don’t you guys f–k kids? Regis: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! Me: Seth and Cesaro traded shots like shots being fired on the battlefield. There was no questioning the skill on display from these two, but the booking skills were not so evident. Who cuts these two off just when they’re getting good? Oh well. Put on the f–kin’ glasses!

Match #4: Sami Zayn b. Dominik Mysterio

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Dominik Mysterio set out to redeem himself in a rematch against Sami Zayn, and he was all over him from the sound of the bell. Things took a turn when Rey Mysterio made his way down the ramp to make sure Zayn didn’t escape the match, leading Dominik to urge his father that he had the match handled. Zayn had other plans, and he was able to nail Dom with the Helluva Kick to pick up the win.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – Zayn worked hard to cover for Dominik’s green-gilled skills, but it didn’t amount to much, considering that the match ended before it could begin. Timmy!

Match #5: (Main Event) Roman Reigns b. Finn Balor – WWE Universal Title Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Things were volatile from the start as The Usos launched a pre-match attack on Finn Bálor during his entrance. Luckily, The Street Profits hit the scene to fend off the SmackDown Tag Team Champions, but the damage was done for The Prince. Still, Bálor went on to put forth a valiant effort against Roman Reigns, even manging to connect with his Coup de Grace, but in the end, the Universal Champion was too much, locking in his brutal Guiiotine submission to earn the victory and retain his title.

The Verdict: 8 out of 10 – While this was not the wrestling masterpiece you’d want a prize fight to be, it was a fine spectacle that had tremendous suspense in the final third of the fight. Finn tailored his offense around how Roman moved in the ring, which is the key to making Roman look formidable. David Blaine: I…am David Blaine. Me: Aren’t you a perv? David: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Me: You get the best of here and the greatest hits-style action worked very well. You do this sort of match once in a while and I’d wager this was once in a while enough for me. It’s a shame that Finn lost, but Roman is the focal point of Vince McMahon’s mind right now, so what do you expect? I enjoyed this match. Thank God. God: You’re welcome, my son. Me: Didn’t you create Andy Dick? God: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Final Verdict: 7 /10

As I mull over why my life is terrible, I feel the urge to tell you that this show was…not bad. The matches needed to go longer and… Sea-Man: I am…Sea-Man! Me: Heh heh. Semen. Sea-Man: Sea-Man! Me: Semen. Sea-Man: God damn it! Me: This was a show that ended on a strong note and that is important. Next week’s show takes place from Madison Square Garden and offers us Edge fighting Seth Rollins, Becky Lynch and Bianca Belair sign their Extreme Rules contract and Brock Lesnar shows up. Scott Tenorman: You’re a pussy, b–ch! Me: Scott…how’s you’re mom…and dad? Scott: Ummmm…what? Me: Did you have your chili today? How did it taste? The meat was hard to harvest. You’re parents screamed until their last breath. Scott: Oh my God! I…AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! If you find their wedding rings in there…don’t choke. See you next time everybody!

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