03rd Sep2021

‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Sept 1st 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have CM Punk and Sting and Christian Cage and that’s it. Everybody else got alligated by an alligator. It’s gonna be a short show…because of the alligations. Have you never been alligated by an alligator before? Oh, but you must! Toto! Get away from that green craw! It’ll bite you! The Wicked Witch: S–t the f–k up! I’m an all-powerful sorcerer! Me: S–t?! Why you miserable son of a b–ch! I’ll blast your ass! TWW: Oh! Oh God! You’re hitting me! It hurts! Pain! One of my thousands of weaknesses! Ah! Me: Dynamite starts now!

[Author’s Note: Darby Allin, who has multiple counts of rape accusations made against him and has not been found guilty or innocent in a court of law, is on this show and if that alarms or upsets you, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: Santana/Ortiz def. FTR

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Verdict: 8 out of 10 – Hey! This was pretty damn good! Have you ever had an orgasm? Napoleon: I am Napoleon! Me: One of the things I liked here was that there was some wrestling in here. There wasn’t as much as I would have liked, but at least FTR…okay, they acted a little too much like late 80s WWF tag grappling for my taste, but maybe they went that way to accommodate S/O, who are very stunt oriented oftentimes? FTR: F–k off, f–got! Me: F–k off, Donny and Marie! Anyway, F–kin’ Twink Rump-Rangers lost here to S/O for some reason. Who did FTR piss off? Is it The Young Bucks? Is Jim Cornette right about the sabotage of FTR by the Jacksons? I’m no expert, but it sure as hell feels that way. S/O are a great team. That’s not the issue. The match here is as simple and easy a tag match as there has been this year. The match is not the issue. The issue is having this once in a generation team lose so much that when they appear on the show to no fanfare that the lack of response feels appropriate. Well, I didn’t watch this anyway, so what do I care? I just got this review off the back of a Wheaties box.

Match #2: Orange Cassidy def. Jack Evans

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – This was decent action, with some nice grappling here and there and all that stuff, but most of this short match ended during the picture in picture, so it all just sort of broke apart because of where the finale was.

Match #3: Powerhouse Hobbs def. Brian Cage

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Verdict: 2 out of 10 – They moved around for a few minutes and did…stuff. Yeah. That’s all I got.

Match #4: Tay Conti def. Penelope Ford

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – Tay gave Penelope a good show to be a part of. This really was The Tay Show here. Tay carried Penelope through all the parts she can’t get right yet and Penelope let Tay take over and do her job. As a showcase for Tay, this was just right, but as a match, it was average.

Match #5: (Main Event) The Young Bucks/The Good Brothers def. The Jurassic Express/The Lucha Bros

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – If you like your matches to have movement, then this match will provide what you seek. There were a lot of sudden strikes and slams and all that some such, but it never felt like more than just business as usual. There was no urgency to this at all. Why was this the main event? It had good action, but that was not enough here. What we got was tantamount to a whole lotta shakin’ and ain’t no damn bacon. What a letdown this was. At least this had enough movement to look the part of a match.

Final Verdict: 6/10

This was a show that peaked after the first match. I loved that first match. Every match after was there and did its job, but that’s not enough for entertainment value. CM Punk, Darby Allin and Sting brawled with 2.0 and Daniel Garcia to give Punk a chance to GTS somebody. Andrade El Idolo has a mystery opponent for All Out since PAC is busy buying an X. Kenny Omega did his Toecutter routine to Christian Cage and everybody else as the Steel Cage for Sunday was lowered down in true senseless WWE style. Britt Baker signed a new contract. Billy Gunn turned on Paul Wight with a chair-shot. Thunder Rosa was attacked by Jade Cargill and Nyla Rose. Information overload was the order of the day in true TNA style. Ric Flair: Shut the f–k up, fat-boy! Dusty Rhodes: Who you ever-lovin’ talkin’ to? Ric: Shut that ass, you tub o’ lard! Dusty: Yo wife don’t mind no tub o’ lard! Ric: Bull-s–t! My wife don’t f–k buffalo! Dusty: Maybe not, but she married a rubey-dubey cream puff, so don’t put nuttin’ past her! Ric: I’ve had it with you, ass-boy! Dusty: Reid OD’d on drugs! Ric: You son of a b–ch! Dusty: If you mean you, then yes Reid was! Ric: God damn it! Me: Guys! Wait! This ain’t right! You need guns before you entertain me. Let me get some. Ric: Wait a f–kin’ minute! Entertainment? Dusty: He wants us to off our asses for his pleasure! Ain’t you got no woman? Ric: Let’s kick his ass! Dusty: I’m gonna cook me an aphaphant! Me: Oh s–t! Ummmm…this week’s show was decent. Watch the opener and… D’Hootie, The Horny Owl: Hoo! Ric: F–k yeah! I’mma pound that owl! Woo! D’Hootie: Hoo! Ric: Woo! D’Hootie: Hoo! Ric: Woo! Dusty: Moooooooooo!!!!!!! Oh baby! Me: Ummmmm…see you next week?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.