‘AEW: Rampage’ Review (Aug 27th 2021)

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Rampage review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have The Lizard Dicks fighting Ole Pacheco in a tag team match. It’s muy muy excellente! Arriba! Arriba! Arriba! Whiny Prison B–ches: Attica! Attica! Attica! Me: There’s toys in my attica. Rampage…is a pretty good video game. You go play it now!

Match #1: The Lucha Bros b. The Jurassic Express

The folowing is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Before the match began, AEW World Tag Team Champions The Young Bucks walked out onto the ramp to watch. Jungle Boy knocked down Rey Fenix with a shoulder block. He rocked Fenix with a dropkick. Rey Fenix came back with chops and then a springboard arm drag. Luchasaurus and Penta El Zero Miedo both tagged in. Penta El Zero Miedo blasted Luchasaurus with leg kicks and then head butts. Luchasaurus wasted no time walloping Penta El Zero Miedo and knocking him down to the mat. Jungle Boy and Rey Fenix traded forearms. They ran into one another with lariats. Penta El Zero Miedo and Luchasaurus tagged in to become the legal men. Luchasaurus trucked both of the Lucha Bros with clotheslines. Luchasaurus connected with a massive leg kick on Penta El Zero Miedo and followed up with a perfect standing moonsault for a near fall. Rey Fenix tagged in and caught Luchasaurus off guard with a tremendous frog splash for a close call! Jungle Boy tagged in and nailed Rey Fenix with a poison rana for a near fall! He followed up with a tiger driver and then locked in the Snare Trap. Penta El Zero Miedo ran in and kicked Jungle Boy in the back of the head. The cheap shot likely saved Rey Fenix. Penta El Zero Miedo hit a massive backbreaker and then the Made in Japan for a very near fall on Jungle Boy! Jungle Boy escaped out of the Fear Factor. Jungle Boy climbed to the turnbuckles but Rey Fenix jumped up there and sent Jungle Boy flying to the outside with a hurracanrana. Luchasaurus attempted to powerbomb Fenix but Fenix escaped. Fenix and Jungle Boy were doing battle on the ring apron but Penta El Zero Miedo wiped out Jungle Boy with a Canadian destroyer! The Lucha Bros pin ponged Luchasaurus with thrust kicks! The Lucha Bros hoisted up Luchasaurus and spiked him on his head—Rey Fenix scored the pin on Luchasaurus!

The Verdict: 8 out of 10

Match #2: The Bunny b. Tay Conti

The folowing is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Bunny didn’t wait for ring introductions and hit Tay from behind. The Bunny stomped a mudhole into Tay Conti and followed up with a running elbow. The Bunny tried for a chop in the corner but Tay dodged it. She hit The Bunny with two chops of her own, but The Bunny raked Tay’s face. Tay twirled The Bunny around with judo throws! After a knee to the face, The Bunny was out on her feet. Tay followed up with a Bossman-slam and then three pump kicks in the corner! Tay rocked The Bunny with the Tay-KO! Penelope Ford walked out to the ring and distracted Tay Conti and the referee. While this transpired, The Blade placed brass knuckles on The Bunny. The Bunny knocked out Tay with the brass knuckles and pinned her! Penelope Ford and The Bunny celebrated together in the ring.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10

Match #3: Christian Cage/Frankie Kazarian b. The Elite (Kenny Omega/Brandon Cutler)

The folowing is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Don Callis joined the commentary team for this match…but then Mark Henry used his presence to persuade Callis to leave. Kaz’s leg was pulled by Nakazawa. Kenny quickly moved in and chopped Frankie Kazarian. Omega missed a splash into the corner and Kaz tagged in Christian Cage. Kenny tagged Cutler in, but Christian Cage and Frankie Kazarian worked Cutler over with tandem offense. Nakazawa hit Kaz in the back on the outside of the ring with the laptop. Omega tagged back in and hit a moonsault on Kaz for a near fall. Omega palmed Kaz’s head and spiked it onto the mat! Brandon Cutler tagged in and dropped an elbow on Kaz. He missed an elbow when Kaz moved out of the way and tagged in Christian Cage. Christian Cage was dropping bombs on Brandon Cutler! He lit up Cutler’s chest with chops! Omega ran from behind and propped up Christian for the one-winged angel but Christian escaped! He spiked Omega and Cutler with reverse DDTs! Christian Cage attempted to put the Kill switch on Omega but Omega bailed, leaving Cutler all by himself. Christian Cage speared Brandon Cutler and then planted Cutler with the Kill switch. It was more than enough for Christian Cage to pin Brandon Cutler!

The Verdict: 6 out of 10

Final Verdict: 6/10

This was completely and totally average and that’s okay. That being said, it’s also lazy booking that left this as average. After the return of CM Punk last week, you’d think that you’d want to book a show with the best matches you can reasonably book, so as to keep your viewers hooked. Instead, we got a show that was easy to miss. The opener was excellent, but was also the highlight here. Our last two matches were an exercise in card construction, as opposed to pleasing the viewer. Christian and Kenny had the main event, but in a match that you could completely ignore and not be any better or worse off for having had missed it. Look at the Lucha/Jurassic match and you’ll see a spectacle with pacing. That’s not an empty calorie meal, but one with a lot of your vitamins and minerals packed into every bite. That’s a meal that satifies. However, the match between Bunny and Tay was merely a taste off of someone else’s plate. Why couldn’t we have a longer match? These two were getting somewhere, but it all ended before it could get good. What of the main event? Cutler was dressed like a dink. Why? I don’t wanna watch the match more because he’s in a suit. Kenny pointed a lot. I wish he’d stop. Kenny can wrestle. Why is he just taking bumps and shaking his ass all the time? Christian and Kaz made for a nice team here. It’s fun seeing these two former rivals move away from their Ladder Match in TNA Wrestling and into a partnership of respect. It’s a shame that the match didn’t accent their dynamic more, but at least we had solid action here regardless. Bea Arthur’s d–k is bigger than mine and this was a decent show that had no weird AEW indy circuit humor…except for anything involving The Elite. I’ll see you next time.