07th Jul2021

WWE Raw – July 5th 2021: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s review of WWE Monday Night Raw, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have King George on line one: [King George] – I don’t drink pee! [Me] – Okay. [KG] – I don’t! [Me] – Okay. [KG] – I was curious! [Me] – Okay. [KG] – So what if it tasted like c–k?! [Me] – Ummmm… [KG] – I’m not a fag! [Me] – What’s wrong with being a cigarette? [KG] – You get smoked! [Me] – A lot of guys like that. [KG] – My brother pounded me! [Me] – …Is there another caller? [KG] – I don’t drink pee! [Me] – Kelloggs Frosted Flakes! …part of nutritious breakfast! [KG] – Don’t bloody ignore me! [Me] – We’ll be right back! [KG] – Of God! You f–king ignored me! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! [Me] – We’ll be right back with more from Andy Dick! While you wait, please enjoy this review of Monday Night Raw!

[Author’s Note: Riddle, who has been accused of rape and not yet found guilty or innocent in a court of law, is on this show and if that alarms or upsets you, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: John Morrison b. Ricochet

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ricochet and “Johnny Drip Drip” ran back their high-risk clash from last week with a new array of acrobatics and antics courtesy of The Miz’s ringside presence. After thwarting the high-flyer’s attack and sending him flying into the barricade, Morrison benefited from a great assist from the wheelchair-bound Miz to ensure a count-out victory.

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – Up until the latest countout finish, this was kicking some ass. These guys definitely have some chemistry together. It’s a shame that these guys don’t get let off the leash, but at least the leash is getting longer. The counters these guys employ are still some of the most intricate around. The WWE may be a weak league, but it has as strong a roster as at any point and when that roster gets to wrestle, it usually finds a way to deliver something worth seeing once, which is the case here. It’s a shame that Morrison has never been given the big shot on the main roster, but his matches speak for themselves and that’s all most folk’ll ever remember anyway. Well, for a match that will likely be forgotten in a week, at least this was worth seeing once.

Match #2: Shayna Baszler/Nia Jax/Doudrop/Eva Marie b. Asuka/Nikki Cross/Naomi/Alexa Bliss

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

With the wounds still fresh from WWE Money in the Bank qualifying heartbreak, Eva Marie, Doudrop, Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax formed an unlikely alliance against Asuka, Naomi, Nikki A.S.H. and Alexa Bliss. The “Almost Superhero” once again fought valiantly, but a Samoan Drop from The Irresistible Force sealed the win and allowed Eva Marie to gloat in the beauty of The Eva-lution.

The Verdict: 1 out of 10 – [Raymond Burr] – S–t. [Me] – Thank you Raymond Burr. This match was s–t. Shayna got stuck doing this. Asuka got stuck doing this. Piper Niven, who is stuck as Doudrop for the time being, got stuck doing this match. This match had two left feet in the ring and on the booking sheet. Okay. I’m getting depressed talking about this.

Match #3: Mustafa Ali b. Mansoor

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Mustafa Ali’s lessons for his new protégé Mansoor headed into the ring as the two combatants went toe-to-toe. Mansoor slightly hesitated when his opponent’s leg got stuck in the ropes, allowing Ali to swoop in for the roll-up.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – This only got a few minutes, but these guys displayed an uncanny amount of grappling for just two or so minutes. These guys really have something between each other. It’s a shame that this was all over as quickly as a fish ass-blasting a poodle.

Match #4: Drew McIntyre b. Jinder Mahal (DQ)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Jinder Mahal has set his sights on taking down his former friend Drew McIntyre and showed that he intends to do it by any means necessary. After overcoming a vicious slam into the announce table, The Scottish Warrior was ready to deliver a Claymore to Mahal until Veer & Shanky intervened on his behalf to finish the match by disqualification. McIntyre left with the win, but Mahal and his two towering associates left with a message delivered.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – Huh. This wasn’t half bad. Jinder is still no Dean Malenko, but he took his bumps well and made Drew look like a proficient fighter. I can’t tell you that there was a lot of incredible wrestling, but Jinder looked the best he has in a while and Drew did his job well.

Match #5: Lucha House Party b. MACE/T-BAR

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

MACE & T-BAR are on a mission to crush Raw’s tag team division and were putting on a display of the destruction they can bring in a showdown with Lucha House Party. After some crushing blows from the massive duo, Lince Dorado came crashing in from the sky with a hurricanrana to T-BAR that pulled off the stunning win.

The Verdict: 4 out of 10 – LHP took a beating and got the win anyway. At least the losers got to kick some ass before getting jobbed.

Match #6: Riddle b. AJ Styles

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

A noticeably injured Riddle refused to turn down an opportunity to prove himself against AJ Styles even after Omos’ earlier ladder push. The Original Bro turned to some “Karate Kid” inspiration to try and overcome his hobbled ankle, but unrelenting punishment from The Phenomenal One appeared ready to seal Riddle’s fate. A timely appearance from The Viking Raiders distracted the Raw Tag Team Champions and allowed Riddle to shock his opponent with a roll-up win.

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – This was not as spectacular as it could have been, That being said, these guys didn’t exactly blow the chance to impress either. There is a lot between these two that is worth seeing here, but what I liked was how they were able to take a lot of little things and stack them on top of each other to give the match some heft. I used to smash Smurfs. AJ worked hard to give the pole-smoker his chance to sell his injury from last week. Hey. Wanna watch Stuart Copeland shave his eyebrows? Anyway, this match was good fun.

Match #7: R-Truth/Jaxson Ryker b. Cedric Alexander/Elias

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The tag team match between Jaxson Ryker & R-Truth and Cedric Alexander & Elias was derailed by 24/7 Champion Akira Tozawa’s run to the ring that stole Truth’s attention. Ryker valiantly battled to overcome the odds and took full advantage of the first opening. Still feeling the effects of last week’s Strap Match clash, Elias chose to walk away from his partner and left Ryker to crush his way to a victory.

The Verdict: Not even a wrestling match…

Match #8: (Main Event) The New Day b. Bobby Lashley/Bobby Lashley

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

MVP & Bobby Lashley got what they wanted with a tag team match, but as many of The New Day’s challengers have found out over the years: Be careful what you wish for. Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods took to the sky early to go on the offensive. After the former WWE Champion took out The All Mighty, Kingston reversed an attack to hit a Trouble in Paradise on MVP for the win.

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – This was long enough, but it was also unambitious. MVP looked good for a guy who ha a gimpy leg. Kofi did his thing and it was great. Bobby kicked a watermelon into a cat. Good pussy. I don’t know. This was a case of going through the motions and doing so with glee. I saw nothing here that will set the world on fire, but at least it’s a functioning main event.

Major News:

  1. Ricochet fights John Morrison in a Falls Counts Anywhere Match, next week.
  2. Sheamus defends the United States Title against Humberto Carrillo, next week.
  3. Erik fights Omos, next week.
  4. AJ Styles fights Ivar, next week.
  5. AJ Styles and Omo defend the Raw Tag Team Titles against The Viking Raiders in two weeks.

Final Verdict: 4 /10

There’s some nice wrestling in here, but the matches were often too short or hampered by lame finishes. I believe it was General Custard who once said, “I am not a f–king dessert!”. Well, this was a show. Did you like it? Wanna go bowling? I’ll see you next time.

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