10th Jun2021

‘WWE NXT’ Review (Jun 8th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s NXT review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and you need to hear the story of Chochco. Chochco was peeing in a baby stroller one day when a man asked him what time it was. Chochco chucked the baby into the pond and said that it was time for him to go f–k himself. As a duck beat the s–t out of the drowning baby, the man gave Chochco the finger. Chochco, as aliens abducted the baby and turned it into a gay cyborg named Bendy, punched the man and screamed “I have diabetes!” In court, Chochco explained to the judge that he was rude to the man, because he had diabetes. The Judge, who thought The Cure was a good band (bull-s–t), said that he had never heard about diabetes making someone violent. Chochco pulled his fingers out of his ass and replied, “That’s because you’re a douche-bag”. As the case was dismissed for lack of interest, Chochco stepped outside and saw a gay cyborg named Bendy leading an alien armada all across the city. When Chochco was caught by Bendy for peeing on its leg, Chochco huffed “It’s okay. I’m diabetic”. Wasn’t that a lovely story? No? F–k you. I’m diabetic. NXT starts now…Mammy.

[Author’s Note: Austin Theory, a wrestler on this show, was accused of soliciting sexual activity from a minor. Theory has not been found guilty or innocent of the alleged crimes in a court of law. If Theory’s presence alarms or upsets you, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: Oney Lorcan b. Austin Theory

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Pete Dunne and Johnny Gargano joined the fray at ringside for a closer look, just hours after all four men were separated in a wild brawl backstage prior to NXT. Again, Dunne and Gargano had to be pulled apart, this time inside the Capitol Wrestling Center. Back in the ring, though, Oney Lorcan picked up the W, putting Austin Theory away with a half-nelson slam.

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – This had a lot of get-up-and-go. These guys never let-up either. Oney and Austin had a nice blend of grappling and brawling here to give this sucker some heft. I can very confidently say that this never had a dull moment. I can also confidently say kookamungusafalogaciousonicamabrasicalafalakelectricovonacion Now you know who you’re f–king with. I sure did enjoy the break-neck speed this freight-train thundered down the tracks at. As openers go, this was one of the better ones I’ve seen recently.

Match #2: Isaiah Scott b. Killian Dain

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Looking to settle the bad blood from a heated confrontation outside the Capitol Wrestling Center a week ago, Killian Dain had to account for not only “Swerve,” but the rest of Hit Row, who made their presence felt. Drake Maverick looked to neutralize the threat on his partner’s behalf but found himself overpowered by Top Dolla. Meanwhile, Scott put Dain away with a huge kick to the face to secure the victory.

The Verdict: 6 out of 10 – Scott was great here in a meandering match that still managed to be fun for a little while. There’s a lot of action here, but it wasn’t as engrossing as it should have been… or I’m a f–king b–ch. Whatever. I ain’t a chode. Dain was like the mighty water buffalo, charging at the pigeons because they got the diamonds from the heist…DAWG! Man. I’m out of it. I shouldn’t have blown that exhaust pipe. All those fumes…whoa…Mars dude! Okay. I’ll just finish this by saying… Smart Mark D. Mark: Move aside tubbolard! Smart Mark D. Mark has returned from his slumber in Valhalla, which is what I call the bed of your Mom’s ashes that I have reveled in before nailing every night since you cast me out! I’ll finish this! Scott carried the blubbery Dain, who coasted most of the match by pretending to be a ring post. Seriously my wee little losers! What did Dain bring to this besides a reason always hide your lunch from Lurch? You rang? Scott, still looking like a Jamaican twink in a police line-up, moved fast and sold quickly, which is probably why he got in the line-up in the first place. What a waste of Dain. Onward ye feeble losers!

Match 3: Mercedes Martinez b. Amari Miller

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Seeking an advantage ahead of Sunday’s TakeOver clash, Xia Li took out Mercedes Martinez before she could even hit the ring. However, Martinez was seemingly ready for the strike, recovering and fighting off Li before tossing her over the barricade. As if it that wasn’t enough of a message to Tian Sha going into Sunday, Martinez still competed in her scheduled match, taking care of Amari Miller in short order after a huge knee and the Air Raid Crash.

The Verdict: 1 out of 10 – SMDM: A squash?! I am Smart Mark D. Mark! I deserve better than this trash! Volkswagen Rodriguez wasted my f–king time with this bull-s–t! Be gone Hyundai Estevez!

Match #4: Grizzled Young Veterans b. Ikemen Jiro/August Grey

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Zack Gibson & James Drake vowed they were finished with Tommaso Ciampa & Timothy Thatcher, but NXT’s most dangerous duo had other ideas. Though Gibson & Drake were victorious against August Grey & Ikemen Jiro, Ciampa & Thatcher confronted them afterward, laying down a challenge for a Tornado Tag Match next week.

The Verdict: 5 out of 10 – SMDM: I grew tired of these preschoolers peeing in the sand-box. Walkman Jerry and Sasha Grey gave a nice performance against the Millennial Skanks, but since I’m not usually fond of Boy/Girl/Girl/Girl, I think I could have passed on this enjoyable abortion. Maybe there should be more wrestling next time and less endgame? There can’t be a money shot if you don’t do the work…ing of the shaft. Well, this rim job is over. Let’s get to the last part of this s–t-show.

Match #5: Ember Moon b. Dakota Kai (DQ)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ember Moon looked to make an example of Dakota Kai before taking on her partner Raquel Gonzalez this Sunday, though “Big Mami Cool” tried to stop her in her tracks — and failed. While Gonzalez broke up the match by delivering a boot with Moon perched atop the ropes, Moon shook off the cobwebs in time to fight back against the NXT Women’s Champion and drop her with a massive Eclipse in a potential foreshadowing of what’s to come at TakeOver.

The Verdict: 7 out of 10 – SMDM: Regina King was great here. Twisty T–s couldn’t keep up with Halle Berry despite performing well herself. As Lisa Bonet finally showed why she deserves to be called on of the best women’s wrestlers around, Gabby Gamgam proved her mettle as welltle. I’m not sure why IMAN is dressed up like the Queen Of The Bush, but if that’s what Grace Jones wants, then I support Cicely Tyson all the way…to the cotton field. Kidding! Smart Mark D. Mark jests with the best. Whoopi Goldberg has the skill to be a top-level player in a league where that kind of skill may actually be rewarded…with a spot on Monday Night Raw! Now that’s offensive ladies and germs! If you like thoughtful fights that pack a wallop, then step right up and claim your prize!

Final Verdict: 6/10

SMDM: What a snoozefest folks! You come for a great show and get a mediocre one instead. The card began and ended with good matches, but the middle was a bit lame in this God’s opinion. Where’s the beef? Me: Hey lobcock! I brought something for you. A Whale: HAWOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! SMDM: Mom? Ow! Mom! Stop! You’re pulling my ear too hard! Me: Heh. Anyway, this was no bad night of fights, but nothing here made me wanna see next week’s show or Takeover: In Your House. Michael Hayes was here pretending that he’s still Dok Hendrix. All of the challengers brawled in a display that left only Adam Cole looking like a star. Poppy was here. I still don’t know who that is despite looking her up after the show ended. Were The Doobie Brothers not available/ out of pot? I wish NXT would try to be less WWE than the WWE, but since Vince runs the show, that’s just the way things are. Well, that’s enough of me. I’ll see you next time.


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