23rd Apr2021

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Apr 22nd 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s review of Impact Wrestling, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we now must fight…in Sexy Mortal Kombat! Liu Kame! Sub-Kueero! Skwhorepian! Johnny Kagemyassandbeatme’tillIkum! The guy that invented Coca Cola! Gayden! Market Research Executive: This is awful! I’m a stupid executive and even I know this is terrible. Me: No! No! It’s great! You love it! MRE: Nope! I hate this. Me: You love it! MRE: I hate it! Me: Sonya Gayde! MRE: Nope! Me: Jax…off! MRE: No! Me: Anthony Perkins! MRE: Shut up! These are horrible! Me: …Skwhorepian! Gayden! MRE: No! Why would saying the ones I already hated make me like them now?! Me: Sub-Kueero! MRE: Repdykle! Oh God! Now you got me doing it! Security! Me: Gwhoro! Gayno! Justin Bieber! MRE: Out! Me: Amanda Bynes! MRE: Security! Escort him off the lot! Now! Me: Amanda please! MRE: Well. At least that nightmare is…what the… Fred Flintstone: How about you give ol’ Freddy boy here a show where he f–ks dinosaurs for charity? You could call it…Tyranosaurus Sex! MRE: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (jumps out window and lands next to Nathan) Me: Huh. Well, they do say there is a high turnaround rate with Hollywood executives for a reason! HAHAHA!!!!!! Anyway, Impact starts now.

Match #1: The Good Brothers def. Decay

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Can The Good Brotherse pick up a victory just days before they challenge FinJuice for the IMPACT World Tag Team Championships at Rebellion? Anderson provides a distraction from ringside, allowing Gallows to connect with a big spin kick to Taurus. Moments later, Taurus turns the tide with a step up crossbody. Steve quickens the pace as he hits Anderson with a Flatliner for two. Gallows catches Steve in mid-air. The Good Brothers follow up with the Magic Killer to win.

The Score: 4 out of 10

Match #2: Tenille Dashwood def. Susan

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Before Tenille Dashwood challenges Deonna Purrazzo for the Knockouts Championship this Sunday at Rebellion, she must first get through the bizarre Susan. Tenille plays mind games with Susan as she gives her a Dashwoogie in the early going. Deonna hooks the leg of Tenille from ringside, allowing Susan to attack her from behind and gain the advantage. Tenille drops Susan on her head with a double underhook suplex into the corner turnbuckles. Tenille puts Susan away with the Spotlight Kick for three.

The Score: 5 out of 10

Match #3: Shera def. Jake Something

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

This match came about after Jake Something was on the receiving end of an unjust beatdown at the hands of Shera and Rohit Raju. Shera distracts the referee, allowing Rohit to deliver a right hand from ringside. Jake hits a flying shoulder tackle, followed by his signature sitdown powerslam. Jake goes for the pin but Rohit gets up on the apron. Shera capitalizes off the distraction with Sky High to win.

The Score: 1 out of 10

Match #4: Jordynne Grace def. Keira Hogan (DQ)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Before Fire ‘N Flava defend the Knockouts Tag Team Championships against Jordynne Grance and a mystery partner at Rebellion, Jordynne battles Kiera Hogan in singles action tonight. Jordynne is on fire from the opening bell, hitting a Spinebuster for the early two count. Kiera fights out of the Torture Rack, then connects with a running boot in the corner. Jordynne has Kiera after a Muscle Buster but Tasha breaks the pin to cause the disqualification.

The Score: 5 out of 10

Match #5: (Main Event) Eric Young def. Eddie Edwards

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Who will gain momentum heading into the 8-man tag team match this Sunday at Rebellion? We find out in our IMPACT! main event. Edwards is in the driver’s seat after hitting an explosive belly-to-belly suplex. Edwards gets caught up in the ropes as Young sends him toppling to the floor. Both men jockey for position on the top when Edwards connects with a thunderous Superplex. Young comes off the ropes but gets caught with the Blue Thunder Bomb for two. Young hits a Death Valley Driver for a near fall of his own. Edwards dives to the floor and a huge brawl breaks out between the two sides. Doering trips up Edwards, allowing Young to roll him up off the distraction for three.

The Score: 7 out of 10

Final Verdict: 4/10

This was a night that was more focused on selling the main event of Rebellion than putting on a good show. Wrestling promotions seem to do that a lot. It’s not that this was a bad show here, but this was one that was so focused on selling a Pay Per View that it forgot about the one it was showing right now. Each match was only given a few minutes, aside from the main event of course. Eric and Eddie worked hard here and, since this is supposedly the match where Eric had wrestled injured, is a bit grueling to watch in that context. I didn’t like how each match just came and went without fanfare. Why should I care about the undercard for Rebellion when the undercard here was practically not here, even though it most certainly was? When the main event is the only match you remember, that’s not a good sign. The wrestlers worked hard here, but the booking didn’t put them in the position to capitalize on their own efforts. In a bit of positive news, Rachel Ellering debuted to be announced as Jordynne Grace’s partner against Fire N’ Flava at Rebellion. Beyond a return and a good main event, this show was relegated to just acting as a two hour commercial for Rebellion and it just felt like a waste of time because of that. Well, that’s the way Impact is run, so I can’t say I’m surprised that this show was absent of any merit of its own. In all, the show did manage to entice me on the Omega/Swann bout, but I didn’t need to be sold on that bout anyway. Maybe others did, but I’d wager that there isn’t enough here to win over a large amount of people towards a purchase, so why try to do the whole pitch over again? Moose showing up to encourage Swann, along with the entire roster doing the same all night, sans The Good Brothers, did offer a new angle on the major bout of Rebellion. As a show in and of itself, this was very weak and feeble, but it was a strong, if very futile commercial for this match, because you’re only talking to the people who most likely will pay for this anyway. It’s like sending Greta Thunberg to goad folks into believing in climate change, which is dumb due to the only people who are listening to her are the ones who already believe in it regardless of who wants to deliver that message. That sentence was a mouthful. I get that Impact wanted to sell Rebellion, but don’t do so at the expense of convincing us to come back next week for this show. This show was not very good and if I wasn’t on my way back to review it, I might’ve just skipped a few weeks and thought nothing of it. It’s important to treat a wrestling promotion as a week by week affair. If you can’t make this show we’re on as satisfying as possible for its own sake, then why would I trust you for a major show like Rebellion? Okay. I’m out of piss and vinegar. I hope Rebellion turns out fine and that this show is better next week. Thank you for reading. I’ll see you next time.

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