30th Mar2021

WWE Raw – Mar 29th 2021: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to the weekly Monday Night Raw review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and welcome…to Ass! Ass is where the Raw is made. Ass! Ass is what the man who makes it is made of. Ass! Ass is the decisions that are made on this show. Ass! Ass is seeing its best wrestlers get wasted on short matches and dumb heel turns. Ass! Ass is knowing that a rapper gets better T.V. time than half the roster. Ass! Ass is Alexa Bliss playing a hostage victim and a corpse while feuding with a cream puff who rode a short yellow bus to work. Ass! Ass is Shane McMahon feuding with a water-head boy who uses choo-choo sounds while he works. Ass! Ass is Riddle being champion while he’s currently in litigation for rape accusations. Ass! Ass is why no one watches this show and Vince McMahon doesn’t care because he’s gonna make his money anyway. Ass! You’re not an ass for watching Raw. It’s not your fault Raw stinks. It’s ass and the man who owns it! Ass! We start this review and we shall kick…ass! Ass!

[Author’s Note: The following review features Riddle, who has been accused of rape. Currently in litigation over these accusations, Riddle has not been found guilty or innocent of the crimes with which he has been charged. If Riddle’s presence based on the aforementioned accusations disturbs or alarms you, then viewer discretion is advised].

Match #1: Sheamus def. Riddle

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After smashing Riddle with his own scooter last week and attacking him again this week, Sheamus overcame the United States Champion with a knee strike in a non-title matchup. After the contest, Riddle picked up a little payback by knocking The Celtic Warrior off the turnbuckle from behind and out of the ring.

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: These guys worked well together. Lots of hard shots and fierce grappling made this stand out immediately. There were no issues with the action being dull or weak. You get the best kind of action that these guys can offer right off the bat. Riddle sold Sheamus’s offense like the former was back in the Octagon. Sheamus was a great brute here.
  • The Bad: It coulda used a bit more time.
  • The Verdict: This was a damn good opener.

Match #2: Braun Strowman def. Jaxson Ryker

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Flanked by Elias and Jaxson Ryker, Shane McMahon “exposed” and ridiculed his WrestleMania opponent Braun Strowman by displaying his “supposed” poor academic past.

The Score: 1 out of 10

  • The Good: Braun looks like Avril Lavigne.
    The Bad: This was short s–t.
    The Verdict: I hate squashes.

Match #3: Xavier Woods def. AJ Styles (disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Raw Tag Team Champions Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods seized the opportunity to outmatch their upcoming WrestleMania opponents AJ Styles and Omos during a special New Day Game Night. During Styles’ subsequent match against Woods, Omos hurled Xavier off the ring apron, over the ropes and back into the ring to bring an end to the match by disqualification. The Phenomenal One’s personal colossus then threw Kingston over the barricade before taking part in a brutal post-match beatdown on Woods.

The Score: 2 out of 10

  • The Good: There were a few nice moves here.
  • The Bad: They never really had a chance to wrestle.
  • The Verdict: Maybe they should’ve been allowed to wrestle? Also, why did they do a DQ finish?

Match #4: Bobby Lashley def. Shelton Benjamin

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After chasing away Cedric Alexander, WWE Champion Bobby Lashley successfully hit his now former Hurt Business cohort Shelton Benjamin with two All Mighty Spinebusters before making him tap out to the Hurt Lock.

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: What little wrestling we got here was swift and impressive.
  • The Bad: There wasn’t a lot wrestling here.
  • The Verdict: There was potential here, but the booking squandered it.

Match #5: Naomi def. Shayna Baszler

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

As the Women’s tag team division turned to chaos outside the ring in a scuffle between Nia Jax, Mandy Rose, Dana Brooke, Lana (and Reginald), Naomi used her athletic prowess to pin one-half of the WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions Shayna Baszler.

The Score: 1 out of 10

  • The Good: Nobody died.
  • The Bad: Nothing happened.
  • The Verdict: CAFOs are killing our ecosystem and this match sucked.

Match #6: Drew McIntyre def. Ricochet

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Hungry for an opportunity but not putting much stock in Bobby Lashley’s offer, Ricochet admirably stepped up to battle Drew McIntyre. Nevertheless, McIntyre overcame the highflier with the Claymore Kick.

The Score: 2 out of 10

  • The Good: There were a couple of good moves here.
  • The Bad: This was just a couple of moves.
  • The Verdict: Poor Ricochet.

Match #7: (Main Event) Drew McIntyre def. Mustafa Ali

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Moments later, The Scottish Warrior responded to a post-match attack by Mustafa Ali by defeating him as well with a second Claymore Kick.

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: Mustafa got some offense in on ol Drew.
  • The Bad: Drew pretty much squashed Mustafa the whole time.
  • The Verdict: Poor Mustafa.

Major News:

  1. There were far too many dumb promos.
  2. Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler fight Asuka and Rhea Ripley, next week.
  3. Braun Strowman fights Shane McMahon in a Steel Cage Match at WrestleMania.
  4. Shelton Benjamin and Cedric Alexander were fired from The Hurt Business.
  5. King Corbin attacked Drew McIntyre.
  6. Riddle defends the US Title against Sheamus at WrestleMania.

Final Verdict: 2/10

This show is a perfect example of what happens when a fine card gets underbooked. The promos were dumb and numerous. Only the opener was worth watching. What a sad show. Ass!

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