18th Mar2021

‘WWE NXT’ Review (Mar 17th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s NXT review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I’m Wayne Brady b–ch! We gotta wham that ham! I didn’t watch this Crap…capital Crap. C-C-C stink! I’ve been studying from the Frank Zappa book of reviewing. “Say whatever you watched gave you a boner”. Hey people, this s–t gave me a boner. NXT…erect and lovin’ it.

Match #1: Dexter Lumis def. Austin Theory

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Austin Theory looked as intense as we’ve ever seen him in NXT, likely as a result of Dexter Lumis’ hurtful comments about Theory’s “abdominal region” — at least if one believes Johnny Gargano. “All Day” scored several near-falls, though eventually Lumis appeared to be ready to let bygones be bygones, offering Theory a handshake. Theory bought it hook, line and sinker, responding with a hug only to be pulled right into Silence by Lumis. Though Theory broke free, he found himself back in the potent hold moments later with Lumis putting him out for the win.

The Score: 6 out of 10

  • The Good: Lumis and Theory knocked each other around real good. Theory was hopped up on something here. Theory was moving around like he was struck by lightning. Lumis continues to show improvement and managed to perform very well. I’d call this as intense as Fred Flintstone taking a s–t for an hour.
  • The Bad: Lou Thesz wouldn’t have thought all that much of this. The goofy schtick that Theory is doing here would have gotten Thesz on the mic to bury the poor bastard.
  • The Verdict: This was a pretty lively opener.

Match #2: Legado del Fantasma def. Breezango

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Though they got the better of Joaquin Wilde & Raul Mendoza a week earlier, Tyler Breeze & Fandango could not accomplish the same feat in this fast-paced, back-and-forth contest, with Breeze falling victim to Legado’s devastating enziguiri-legsweep combination to seal the victory.

The Score: 6 out of 10

  • The Good: This was kinetic action from two teams that worked well together. There’s lots of quick attacks and sudden reversals here to enjoy. I feel like I work at an Australian Dairy Queen.
  • The Bad: I don’t like elephant c–k. There are things in this match that make my nipples tired. I…wanted them to wrestle just a bit more.
  • The Verdict: If you a good luck fest, then this aspired to be among the best and it did alright.

Match #3: Dakota Kai def. Zoey Stark

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Already showing she could go toe to toe with Io Shirai, Zoey Stark impressed once again, taking Dakota Kai’s hardest hits and coming back from more. Kai was even on her heels at several junctures, most notably following a spectacular leap to the outside from Stark. The Captain of Team Kick even received a dose of her own medicine, eating high-impact strikes from Stark. But Kai took control, meeting Stark’s springboard attack with a huge superkick and following up with a kick in the corner. Though that only netted Kai a near-fall — one that even stunned Raquel González at ringside — Kai connected with the Go-To Kick moments later to lock up the win.

The Score: 6 out of 10

  • The Good: Kai and Stark were an excellent pairing here. Kai handled the striking and Stark brought the excitement. Stark showed more here than in her past few matches. I never knew what Stark was gonna do next. Kai was like an arrow that kept landing right in the bullseye that was Stark.
  • The Bad: The match felt a bit stunted at times, despite having a solid foundation of grappling at the beginning.
  • The Verdict: Kai won and should have, but Stark got to show her stuff enough so that I wanna see more next time.

Match #4: Tommaso Ciampa def. Marcel Bartel

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Tommaso Ciampa brought a calculated plan with him, ambushing Marcel Barthel before he could even get off the blocks. After deducting that Imperium were responsible for Timothy Thatcher’s absence from the CWC tonight, it was a smart strategy deployed by The Blackheart, and one that earned him a victory after he dropped Barthel with Willow’s Bell.

The Score: 5 out of 10

  • The Good: Ciampa smashed ol Bartel like Ron Moody did to my wang when I realized that chick in Flight Of The Doves was just him in an ugly wig. These two worked well together for the brief time they were in the match.
  • The Bad: This kinda didn’t stay on the rails. Neither man failed to impress, but the match was not quite so lucky.
  • The Verdict: A lack of even, competitive action forced this match to rely on the competent slams and locks these guys effortlessly put on each other.

Match #5: LA Knight def. August Grey

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

While LA Knight walked the walk in his in-ring debut after talking the talk for weeks, he’s not likely to be pleased after having his spotlight stolen by Bronson Reed. Reed came out with Knight’s signature jacket during the bout and even tried it on for size, ripping it to shreds with his Colossal physique. Knight took care of August Grey with a huge facebuster, but he was livid afterward with Reed destroying his garb.

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: Knight looked good here.
  • The Bad: I thought Grey was Kurt Cobain after he got the shot off.
  • The Verdict: This was a squash, but a convincing one.

Match #6: (Main Event) Oney Lorcan & Danny Burch def. Finn Balor and Karrion Kross – NXT Tag Team Titles Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The dominant Karrion Kross immediately showed the champions they weren’t dealing with an ordinary opponent, dropping Oney Lorcan on his neck before dealing Danny Burch the same fate moments later. Lorcan & Burch later took control with a double team while Finn Bálor was not in any rush to provide assistance for his TakeOver opponent. While Bálor later found himself in trouble against the hard-hitting Lorcan, The Prince soon took control, and the action spilled to the outside, catalyzing a series of events that would not end well for the NXT Champion. Bálor’s flying dropkick sent Lorcan crashing into Scarlett. By the time Kross recovered and realized what had happened, he snapped on Bálor, slamming him into the ringside barricades and sending him back into the ring to eat a big-time uppercut from Lorcan, who then pinned Bálor to retain the titles.

The Score: 4 out of 10

  • The Good: What little wrestling we got was good. Burch was doing his Kenta Kobashi routine and I enjoyed it. Oney showed more of his ability to grapple with anybody regardless of their style. Finn did his greatest hits while Karrion duplexes people.
  • The Bad: This match didn’t do much before it ended early.
  • The Verdict: What a lame main event

Major News:

  1. WALTER finally arrived and picked a fight with Tommaso Ciampa on a night where Timothy Thatcher and Alexander Wolfe were missing.
  2. Adam Cole and Kyle O’Reilly want kill each other.

Final Verdict: 6/10

This was a middle of the road show all the way.

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