16th Mar2021

‘Major League Wrestling: Fusion’ Review (Mar 10th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s MLW: Fusion review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we’re not gonna do this. I don’t want you to watch this show. I forbid it. I’m sending Mr. Gargantuan to come kick your ass. He will bash your little brains in. You want MLW? Too f—king bad. I want you to not have MLW in your life. You get the Grammys instead. Here comes Billy Joel! Your life is ruined. Ruined! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! You want MLW? Well, you ca…what the… Bob Crane: I was just having rough sex on camera in a hotel when I heard you want to take away wrestling from wrestling fans. I just want to say that it is a bad idea to be so mean. Also… (hit over the head with a lamp) Fat Guy: I killed him because it turned me on and I’m evil. Me: Well, I forgot what I was talking about, so here comes MLW.

Match #1: Gino Medina def. Gringo Loco

The following is courtesy of mlw.com:

The two circle one another as Medina runs his mouth at the official. The two one-up each other with rolls and tumbles before Gringo pulls Gino by the ponytail to slam him down. He then thrust kicks Gino out before diving on top of thim on the outside. Gringo sends Gino back in for the two count cover. Gringo goes for a springboard cross body but Gino catches him with his knees and gets a two count of his own. Powerful sidekick and and a stomp by Medina sets Gringo up to be strangled by the second rope and it isn’t against Medina’s loose morals to do such. In the center of the ring, Gino has his legs wrapped around the mid-section of Gringo for a buzz killer before elbowing Gringo hard in the kidneys. A slingshot senton gets a two count. A hard kitchen sink sends Gringo flipping over for a pin attempt, but Gringo fights on. Gino digs his knee in the back of Loco as he constantly talks trash to his fallen foe. Gino sets Loco up high, but Gringo fights him off. After another shove, Gringo downs Gino for a beautiful springboard moonsault off the ropes for a near fall. Gringo’s ribs have got to be feeling that. Gringo hits a back handspring elbow before turning that into a Curtain Call reverse DDT. Two count. Gringo soon goes for a springboard cutter, but slips and Gino makes him pay with a stiff 540 kick. 1-2-kickout. Almost a costly mistake! Gino climbs up top and Gringo fires at him with some punches. It sets Gino up for a stellar Spanish Fly and it gets a very near fall. Gringo goes for a bomb, but both men reverse it into pin attempts. Gino snake eyes Gringo in the corner and flings him into the corner for a wheel barrow and stutter kicks Gringo crisp in the back of the head and it’s good enough for the pinfall victory.

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: Gino and Gringo kinda worked well together…if by kinda you mean “really slowly”. Gino is still a work in progress, but at least he’s working hard on his progress, as evidenced in this match. Gringo was like dial-up internet in 2006…it works, but very slowly. AOL! Time Warner! Stu Snyder! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! BASTARRRRRRRRRRD!!!!!!! Gino and Gringo, which sounds like an offensive comedy duo in the 1950s, had a Madonna of a time trying to get their match out of first gear and did manage to lay out some action that felt like it was more than just a few moves.
  • The Bad: When I said this match was slow, it was deathly slow…short yellow bus slow…because those things don’t go very fast. I wanna pop a damn wheeley…damn it! Coco Hawkings, the saucy spicy sexy jezebel cousin of Steven/Stephen/Limp-Leg Hawkings (he can’t move), thought that this match was as immobile as his/her/its/Boomshakalaka’s cousin Steven/Stephen/Limp-Leg’s legs.
  • The Verdict: You foolish fool! Watch this match with the speed sped up to make it look like they wrestled faster than a snail drowning in molasses.

Match #2: ACH def. Kevin Ku (with Dominic Garrini)

The following is courtesy of mlw.com:

The dukes are up as the bell rings to begin the match, but both men lock up hands. ACH is the first to power the other down, but both men soon reset. ACH lures Ku in for a side headlock and Ku pushes him into the corner for a shoulder thrust and some stiff stomps. Ku does a deadlift gutwrench suplex that is indeed ever impressive. Both men slap on another on the mat and a big chop stuns Ku briefly. He however, comes back with some elbows to the gut and then a backbreaker that downs the man from Houston, TX. Ku ties ACH down on the mat, but some taunting kicks coerces ACH back to his feet and the two trade further shots. Very stiff by Ku which was flourished by a roundhouse. He covers, but ACH is too close to the ropes. Ku displays his power once more as he flips ACH over for a suplex. ACH tries to recover but Kevin stays on the offensive with measured shots. He follows up with a stinging headbutt and that’s when Ku starts honing in on ACH injured ribs. ACH stomps hard on Ku’s back and gets a near fall. He winces in pain due to his ribs. Ku blocks a suplex attempt, but then again so do both men which ACH turns into a modified gordbuster. He follows up with a kick to the forehead and ACH covers. 1-2-kickout. Ku is bleeding from the mouth, but he fights on with a burning hammer. A very near fall as Ku crimson continues to pour from Kevin’s mouth. ACH fights on and nails a savate kick, but Ku back body drops him and kicks ACH back. Two count. This battle is back and forth. ACH is on the apron and Ku takes a moment to distract the official. Living up to that Team Filthy name, Garrini flings ACH off the apron to blatantly attack the recovering competitor. Thankfully, the Von Erichs emerge from the back to even those odds. Amidst the chaos, ACH dives on top of everyone. We’re back to an even playing field, and despite those injured ribs, ACH catches Ku with his brainbuster and receives that pinfall victory.

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: Whew boy! This was a guddun! Can Ku believe that Kevin Ku Ku be so damn Ku? It was like watching a Jackie Chan/CM Punk folk rock concert every time Ku was on offense…or defense. ACH was remarkably restrained here, focusing more on his technical skills than his athletic feats of prowess. There’s far more going on here than just an entertaining spectacle. While there were times the match had an issue with getting the horse to run out of the stable, the match always managed to make the horse get up and go at high speed eventually. Ku really showed what he can do. These guys always kept it on the mat as well, which made this a very easy match to believe.
  • The Bad: This was a bit limp in a few areas, but never glaring so. The match also felt a bit anti-climactic near the end, but not terrible either.
  • The Verdict: Antonio Sabato Jr.: Antonio Sabato Jr. don’t need no money! Antonio Sabato Jr. look in the mirror in the morning and say “Antonio Sabato Jr.” and BAM! he got the money in his a-pockets! BAM! Antonio Sabato Jr. say his name twice and Jessica Alba pop in Antonio Sabato Jr.’s arms so Antonio Sabato Jr. can pop into Jessica Alba’s apretada gatito asombrosa! BAM! BAM! Right Bam Bam? Bam Bam: Bam Bam! Bam Bam! Wanna take it from here Emeril? Emeril: Bam! Me: If this match was the kind of match that vastly populated professional wrestling television, then wrestling would not be frowned upon so much by the masses. This is the right kind of match for professional wrestling as a whole and this should be the standard, not what is usually peddled to good folk all around the world. Right Antonio Sabato Jr.? Antonio Sabato Jr.: Antonio Sabato Jr. agree with Los Cabeza De Teta! This match es mucho gusto! Antonio Sabato Jr. look in the back of Jessica Alba’s head while he pounds her azucar morena juerga and sees this beautiful match playing as I give her the sexy seizures until she has the gooey horny stroke! Dark Angel! Me: Well…I’m glad you liked the match.

Match #3: (Main Event) Alexander Hammerstone def. LA Park – MLW National Openweight Championship Match

The following is courtesy of mlw.com:

The two behemoths hold up their respective titles as the two exchange harsh words. LA Park mockingly gestures at the Meat Castle before shoving him. Those shoves turn to massive shots back the man and they collide into one another multiple times. Top shelf dropkick by Hammer downs Park and that sends his two sons sauntering out to ringside. Jared St. Laurent suddenly gets word that a masked man who has been lurking around the arena is now in the building. Three big shoulder tackles by Hammer puts Park in the corner, but the caginess of the veteran lures the official in and his boys pull hammer out for a blatant beatdown. Hammer gets hurled back into the ring and Park chokes him with his boot as El Hijo mocks the champion with his shades on. LA Park wisely places the big man into the corners to keep him grounded. Park takes off his belt and begins to crack Hammer with it. Chin lock cinched in, but Hammer shows his resilience by catching Park up top with a ring shaking superplex! 1-2-no! Both men battle it out on their feet, but Park gives Hammer a knee and tosses him to the outside. They fight it out on the floor before Park gets back in the ring first. This may have been a mistake as Hammer catches him solid on the apron and then puts Park on his back with a shotgun dropkick from up top. Hammer feels the fire and catches Park with a flurry before catching him flush with a running lariat! He hits LA Park with another in the corner and follows through with a wrist suplex. St. Laurent receives word that both Gino Medina and Richard Holliday have been ejected from the building due to backstage brawl that caused some property damage! As that is revealed, Hammer is caught with a solid clothesline to the back of the head before getting hit with a running knee. Kick out at two. Hammerstone scouts a charge by Park who meets flush with the ring post. Hammerstone signals for a Nightmare Pendulum, but Los Parks get involved once more. It opens their daddy up to hit a DDT that dazes the champion. Park nails Hammer in the sternum with a running knee and covers. 1-2-kick out! Park sets up in the corner to size Hammer up for the spear, but YBH gets his foot up to kick The Chairman in the chest. He plants Park with a German suplex and hits a major elbow to the back of the neck for the decisive 1-2-3.

The Score: 4 out of 10

  • The Good: This was a lively brawl that felt like a Triple H match on steroids. Wait…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! Triple H…steroids…HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I…am ugly compared to him…not compared to him…damn it. I think that this had a lot of pep in its step, even if there weren’t a lot of steps taken.
  • The Bad: They wore clothes? Park and Hammerstone hammered each other like Taylor Swift and all those men she throws under the bus every time she writes a break-up song. No soup for you! Alex and LA had a decent brawl of all things, but the match always felt like it had a hard time getting going. That’s actually the best compliment I can give this. That’s sad. It’s not that these guys didn’t try, but the match simply never materialized.
  • The Verdict: Ms. Swan: Walk like a man! Talk like a man! Walk like a man! You can call me a man! Officer Duffy: Ms. Swan. Was he tall? Short? Big? Small? Ms. Swan: He…look like a man! Officer Duffy: I know that damn it! What did he look like?! Ms. Swan: He…look a-like a man! Officer Duffy: AHHHHHHH!!!!!! (shoots himself) Me: Why didn’t you tell him I look like a watermelon shoved up a turtle’s ass? Ms. Swan: You gotta itty bitty titties! You like’a the match? Me: Eh. It was lame for a main event and not very much on its own accord, let alone for a prize fight. Ms. Swan: Ohhhhhhh…Ms. Swan perform oral sex on’a Mr. Nathan now. Me: Oka…uuuuuuuuuuuu (oral sex). Match…not bad.

Final Verdict: 6/10

This had the right matches on the card, but they didn’t all pan out…except for the second match. That second match was just what wrestling needs. The show was also at the mercy of too much time spent on promoting other things. I get that promoters feel like they have to stuff these shows full of information to get us to come back to see every-thing, but I think we’d all rather just receive the matches on hand and decide for ourselves if the next card is worth based on how well the matches for the present have done.

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