15th Mar2021

‘WWE NXT: UK’ Review (Mar 11th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s NXT UK review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I’m a trucker! Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!! I’mma git down to Huckabalooza, Missouri where the families are all having sex wit eech udder! Yeeeeeeehaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!!!! I…what the…a gremlin! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!! Dere’s a gremlin on mah winda! Dang nabbit! Gitchur boney ass offa my winda! Dis iz mah truck! Mahn! Deeze here’s my boot-leg Beanie Babies! Shakey shakey! Gremlin: Gaaaaaah!!!!! Me: Shuddup! Ah had enough! Ah…what the…Senor Crotchito? Senor Crotchito: I will save you, my stupid tubby friend! (whips the gremlin off of the window) Gremlin: Gaaaaaaaaah!!!!!! Me: Dumb-ass monkey! Thanks Crotchito! Senor Crotchito: You are welcome! Now I…(car breaks down and it won’t starts) Stinkin’ Chevy! Me: Bye! Senor Crotchito: Come back here you red-neck mother-f—ker! Me: It sure was nice to have Donna Summer stop by and say hella! NXT UK starts a-now!

Match #1: Tyler Bate def. Dave Mastiff in a Heritage Cup Rules Match, 2-1 in Five Rounds

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Will Tyler Bate become the first Superstar to hold the NXT UK Championship, NXT UK Tag Team Titles and the NXT UK Heritage Cup? It seems like a distinct possibility, especially after the first-ever NXT UK Champion outlasted the powerful Dave Mastiff in a savage Heritage Cup Rules Match, 2-1 in five rounds. Following a scoreless Round 1 that featured impressive feats of strength from each competitor, Bate caught his larger adversary by surprise when he launched himself from the middle turnbuckle directly into a sunset flip to keep Mastiff’s shoulders down for the three-count and the 1-0 lead! After being met with two jabs to the jaw to start Round 3, Mastiff found his game by clubbing his opponent with several stiff blows to the face. Moments later, Mastiff returned the favor with a surprise rollup when Bate was attempting an airplane spin to even the bout at 1-1. Round 4 saw Mastiff nearly plant Bate through the canvas with a scoop slam and effortlessly chuck him across the ring before taking the fight to ringside and repeatedly slamming Bate against the ringside barriers. Bate persevered, however, and in Round 5, he shook off a thunderous German suplex and clobbered Mastiff with an airplane spin and a twisting senton from the top rope for the hard-earned victory.

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: This was good fun on the bun hun! With the master Bate in hand, you could beat off any stress that a Heritage Cup bout could cause. Bate and Mastiff took their time in setting up what was going to come next. This was certainly a match where no short-cuts were taken and the whole thing just felt right on the mark when it counted.
  • The Bad: The rounds kinda break the momentum some times, but not usually to the bout’s detriment.
  • The Verdict: Even in Bronson, Missouri, this show kicksa that ass. Don’t mess with Bronson, or I’ll Death Wish 5 your ass. Anyway, the match was a fabulous opener.

Match #2: Teoman def. Danny Jones

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Following his spellbinding entrance and a unique strut to the squared circle, Teoman impressed with a decisive victory in his NXT UK debut against Danny Jones. Teoman appeared a quick stepper from the opening bell, controlling the bout with some early mat-wrestling and disrespecting Jones with a slap to the head. Jones briefly fought back with a flurry of punches and a backstabber, but Teoman claimed the win when he thrice landed on Jones’ back with a double stomp and trapped him in a crossface for an immediate tapout.

The Score: 3 out of 10

  • The Good: Adrian Zmed once said, “Charlie Kallas is a putz”. GONIGKHAMMA WANIKHANGA VAMMAVOIPVOIP!!!!!! That’s how good this match was…Tennessee Ernie Ford good…so it sucked. There was some nice mat grappling here for a few instances, but that’s it.
  • The Bad: Teoman? That’s stupid. Who named him/her/it? This match never really got going well enough to be a whole hell of a lot, but I did get hit by a bus, so you’ve got that at least.
  • The Verdict: BOING KWAMMAHEEP GAMMAWEENKY AMMABOINPBOINP!!!!!!

Match #3: Kenny Williams & Amir Jordan def. Mark Andrews & Flash Morgan Webster

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

That’s two wins in as many weeks for Kenny Williams and Amir Jordan, but what did each of the victories have in common? Some questionable tactics from Williams. This time, Williams booted Flash Morgan Webster with a back kick below the belt, then spiked him into the mat for the victory. After the three-count, Jordan questioned Williams about his dirty methods as the partners had their arms raised by the official and made their exit. Controversy or not, Williams and Jordan are on a roll. Could they be closing in on an NXT Tag Team Title Match?

The Score: 5 out of 10

  • The Good: Not bad. Both teams worked hard to make the match snappy and brisk. The whole effect here was to suggest that both teams could go after the Tag straps and it was a success.
  • The Bad: My cat’s breath smells like cat food. Behold the red planet! Ummm…this wasn’t bad, but it was a bit anemic at times. Does that make sense? It felt like the juice got squeezed out of the orange before you get a glass of OJ. Still, orange skin tastes good…pleh! No it doesn’t! Pleh!
  • The Verdict: All in all, this twern’t nuthin’ too terrible.

Match #4: (Main Event) Piper Niven & Jack Starz def. Joseph Conners & Jinny

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Piper Niven finally got some backup in her ongoing battle with Jinny and Joseph Conners in the form of Jack Starz, and the move paid immediate dividends. Jinny and Conners trash talked their opponents on a nearly constant basis and used a couple timely distractions to help each other get the advantage on their respective foe. A lunging tag from Starz to Piper meant that Jinny had to enter the bout, and The Fashionista led Niven on a wild chase that concluded when Niven ran right through her and chucked her across the ring before landing a splash and several right hands. After Conners tagged back in and berated Niven, he was met with a slap to the face from Niven and a wicked suplex from Starz. The first-time partners sealed the win when Niven hit Conners with a Piper Driver and dropped Starz on top of him for the 1-2-3!

The Score: 6 out of 10

  • The Good: The action was suitable for the main event of a wrestling shows. Starz and Piper were very good as a team and worked well with Conners/Jinny, who were a solid duo in their own right. There was the kind of stocky slab of wrestling combat that may not be exciting enough to attract the masses, but it doesn’t turn them away either.
  • The Bad: I had a hot-dog with more flavor than this sucker.
  • The Verdict: If you’re looking for a main event that won’t send Barry Plimberton running for the hills, than you’ve come to the right place…you dink.

Final Verdict: 5/10

WALTER is supposed to be here next week, so maybe he’ll…he’s gonna talk? AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! No! There needs to be more wrestling next week! At least this show had wrestling matches! The show was a bit dull, but it was solid nonetheless.

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