10th Mar2021

WWE Raw – Mar 8th 2021: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Raw review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…Dave! Dave: Dave! Me: Dave is the man! Dave: Dave! Me: Dave can only say his own name! Dave: Dave! Don’t call him David! Dave: (anger) Dave! Me: Dave’s mortal enemy is his own reflection! Dave: (anger) Evad! Me: Dave sees hisself in the window and he spears the f—ker through the glass! Dave: Dave! Me: If you don’t like Dave, then f—k you! Dave: (seductively) Dave! Me: Dave is gonna help us review this week’s Raw. Dave: Dave? Me: Yeah! Dave: Dave! Me: Alright folks. We’ve got a Raw to review! Dave: Dave!

Match #1: Bobby Lashley def. The Miz – WWE World Championship

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Prior to his rematch against The Miz, Bobby Lashley reflected on the 16 years he had waited to become WWE Champion. He said he would make an example of The A-Lister as a warning to anyone in the locker room who dared to come between him and his title as The All Mighty Era began on The Road to WrestleMania. Miz claimed that the circumstances that caused him to lose the WWE Title were unfair, namely that he was forced to defend the title twice in one night with the second encounter being a Lumberjack Match. Once the bell rang on their subsequent title contest, however, it was Lashley who absolutely punished his opponent through the majority of the contest before driving him into the canvas and making him tap out to the Hurt Lock. Clearly, The All Mighty is here to stay.

The Score: 5 out of 10

  • The Good: Bobby was wild here. He smashed ol’ Mizzymagganmagganmaggon like he was a velvet Voopie Kvushion. Dave: Dave! The Miz played the role of chicken-s—t heel as well as any-one has in quite some time and it was a fabulous contrast to Bobby’s dominate destroyer. Dave: Dave!
  • The Bad: This was not much in the way of a competitive bout. The Miz didn’t do all that much in the ring for all his great character work. Dave: Dave!
  • The Verdict: For a prize fight that was too early in the show and didn’t offer a lot of visceral action, it still managed to be entertaining regardless and bestow the right fighter with the finish. Congratulations to Bobby Lashley on continuing to be WWE World Champion. Dave: Dave!

Match #2: Drew McIntyre vs. Sheamus – No Disqualification Match (No-Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After his former friend turned bitter enemy Sheamus attacked him backstage, Drew McIntyre demanded an impromptu No Disqualification Match against The Celtic Warrior. As payback, McIntyre attacked before the bell rang and set a brutal tone for the entire matchup. The contest was truly “carnage in creativity” which incorporated the steel ring steps, the announce table, Kendo sticks, the steel ring post, low blows, the vicious Dublin Smile, thumbs to the eye, steel chairs and every maneuver in both Superstars’ respective arsenals. Both McIntyre and Sheamus picked up the unforgiving steel ring steps, charged forward and collided with each other. In the process, the impact took both competitors completely out of the action and forced the official to call for the bell.

The Score: 9 out of 10

  • The Good: Drew and Sheamus did it again. What a great fight. This was a blistering bout that turned into an epic fight to the raw, bloody bone. Dave: Dave! Every-thing that these guys did felt intense and immediate. There was no remorse on either fighter’s part and that’s just what a grudge match needs to be. Dave: Dave! Drew and Sheamus went balls to the wall to make every lock squeeze like a vice-grip and every strike land like a spike to the skull. Dave: Dave!
  • The Bad: The finish, while dramatic, brought an indecisive end to a match that is supposed to be decisive. Also, the second half of the match lost a little of the momentum that the first part gained, but not to the complete detriment of the entire match. Dave: (dog biting his leg) Dave!
  • The Verdict: While the finish was neither the best or worst finish ever booked, the match was of an elite (HA!) caliber for a major portion of the running time. Dave: Dave!

Match #3: Xavier Woods def. Shelton Benjamin

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Following the announcement that The New Day will challenge Cedric Alexander & Shelton Benjamin for the Raw Tag Team Championships next week, Xavier Woods brought The Power of Positivity to The Hurt Business’ Shelton Benjamin. When Benjamin turned his attention to Kofi Kingston outside the ring, Woods took advantage and rolled his opponent up in a small package for the three-count.

The Score: 4 out of 10

  • The Good: Not bad for just a few minutes of rasslin’. Dave: Dave!
  • The Bad: It was just a few minutes of rasslin’. Dave: (Less Than Zeroing another guy) Dave!
  • The Verdict: It was only a few minutes of rasslin’, but it least this was a few minutes of rasslin’ instead of a few minutes of talking. Yuck! Dave: (fingers in his butt) Dave!

Match #4: Riddle def. SLAPJACK

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After the leader of RETRIBUTION Mustafa Ali pinned United States Champion Riddle one week ago in a non-title match, it was announced that Ali will challenge the titleholder next week. En route to that high-stakes matchup, Riddle overcame the dangerous SLAPJACK with Bro Derek.

The Score: 6 out of 10

  • The Good: For a match so short, this so damn good. Dave: Dave!
  • The Bad: This was too damn short. Dave: (growling) Dave!
  • The Verdict: If you wanna watch a match where two guys fight tooth and nail to make for or five minutes grueling and thrilling, then you might just have your huckleberry. Dave: (watching the Challenger blow up) Dave!

Match #5: Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler def. Naomi and Lana – WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Prior to the WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Match, Nia Jax introduced Reginald as being the titleholders’ new sommelier after he was fired from Carmella and slapped by Sasha Banks on Friday Night SmackDown. That investment paid off. In the final moments of the match, Naomi turned her attention to a meddling Reginald. Although Reginald paid a painful price for his interference, Jax took advantage of the distraction and knocked Naomi off the apron before hurling Lana to the canvas for the title victory.

The Score: 3 out of 10

The Good: This was a rather sloppy prize fight that had some fine moves from Naomi and consistent offense from Shayna. Dave: Dave!

The Bad: I mentioned this being sloppy…that was a compliment. This match was a mess and that’s putting it at its best. Dave: (spanking the monkey) Dave!

The Verdict: For a shorter, lamer kinda prize fight, you can’t go wrong with Nia and Lana limping their way to the barn yet again. Dave: (smushing Jennifer Lawrence) Dave!

Match #6: (Main Event) AJ Styles def. Randy Orton

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After AJ Styles’ comments earlier in the night that Alexa Bliss’ mind games were taking apart The Viper’s psyche and making him “weak,” Randy Orton set out to show The Phenomenal One why he is still WWE’s Apex Predator. Both Superstar fought tooth-and-nail throughout the WrestleMania-caliber matchup. Omos pulled Styles out of the ring seconds before Orton could execute the RKO. As The Viper stared down Styles’ own personal colossus, Alexa Bliss suddenly appeared on the TitanTron playing with her disturbing Jack-in-the-Box toy. She then lit a match, and when she blew it out, flames shot from the squared circle, and the black substance once again spewed from Orton’s mouth. Clearly disoriented, Orton fell victim to the Phenomenal Forearm and the three-count that gave Styles the victory.

The Score: 7 out of 10

  • The Good: This was an excellent match from two guys that know what they are doing. AJ carried Orton through the parts where tends to get boring and Orton sold very well for ol’ AJ. It’s so nice to see even, sensible back-and-forth action that doesn’t strain the suspension of disbelief. Dave: Dave!
  • The Bad: It coulda been a bit more lively and the finish with Alexa “The Dip-S–t” Bliss didn’t help the match at all (poor Alexa…stuck with this dumb gimmick). Dave: (licking his balls) Dave!
  • The Verdict: This was a very fine main event that went for a while and felt very appropriate for the finale of the card, both by way of the match’s content and class. Dave: (he is a cross-dresser now) Dave!

Major News:

  1. Shane McMahon called Braun Strowman stupid. Dave: (sucking his own nose) Dave!
  2. Mustafa Ali fights Riddle for the US Title, next week. Dave: (Mind Of Mencia sucked s—t) Dave!

Final Verdict: 7/10

We had two fabulous matches, a quick World Title fight that turned out well for one so feeble, two short bouts that packed a wallop and a…okay the Women’s Tag Title Match sucked. Still, this was a show with very little in the way of bad comedy (Braun’s stupidness aside) and each part of the show flowed well into each other. Having just six matches also made this show fly by. The important bouts had enough time to make an impression. When this show was in the ring, it tended to do well. The first hour had a lot of heft to it…full and satisfying…even when deficient (Braun/Shane was stupid). If Raw would use this show’s format as the standard for Raw every week, I think Raw would be better far more often. Wouldn’t that be nice? Dave. What did you think? Dave: Dave! Me: I concur. Dave, it was a pleasure to have you as a guest reviewer. Dave: Dave! Me: …and to you out there in internet-land…MUAH! Dave: Dave!

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