05th Mar2021

‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Mar 3rd 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel you bitch. On this episode of Unsolved Mysteries: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near…for me to poop on?! I hate AEW…because I don’t have Tony Khan’s money. F—K! Dead carpet. Shaquille O’Neal is here to wrestle. F—K! Peace out. We have s—t to do, dumb-ass. It’s time to build toward Revolution. You feel me, brah? Lemme un-hook you! AEW…now!

Match #1: Shaquille O’Neal & Jade Cargill def. Cody Rhodes (with Arn Anderson) and Red Velvet

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“Shaq won’t allow himself to be embarrassed here tonight. This is not a joke to him,” said Jim Ross of the 4x NBA champion. Cody and Shaq locked up with a collar and elbow tie up and Shaq powered right out, pushing Cody halfway across the ring and down to the mat! Shaq smacked his giant paw right across Cody’s chest, and followed up with a back body drop! “Cody is in trouble here one on one with Shaq,” said Jim Ross. Jade tagged herself in, and Red Velvet came into the ring. Jade booted Red Velvet in the midsection. Jade whipped Red Velvet into the ropes and met her with a kick. Red Velvet fought back with a big hook kick! Jade fired back and hurled Red Velvet across the ring, using her leverage to her full advantage. Red Velvet jumped off the top rope with a diving cross body block but Jade countered it and then pie-faced Cody in the corner! Cody ran across the ring and hit Shaq, who went to the outside. Austin Gunn, sitting ringside, whacked Shaq with a steel chair. Enraged, Shaq slammed Austin Gunn, Colton Gunn, and QT Marshall of The Nightmare Family on the arena floor! Back in the ring, Jade Cargill applied the figure four leglock on Red Velvet, smiling and flexing. Then Jade pulled a table out from beneath the ring and set it up. “Maybe Jade has gone into business for herself,” said Jim Ross. “Even Shaq looks surprised,” added Tony Schiavone. Red Velvet knocked down Jade and set up a second table, placing it beside the first table. Red Velvet returned to the ring and scored a kick to Jade’s face. Cody tagged in and this brought Shaq back into the squared circle. Shaq powerbombed Cody! But Shaq walked right into Cody’s strike and then Cody body slammed Shaq! Jade and Red Velvet began to trade offense in the center of the ring again. Jade hit a spinebuster on Red Velvet. Cody broke up the pin, sprinted across the ring and tackled Shaq. Cody’s force cause both men to crash through the tables set up at ringside earlier by Jade and Red Velvet! Red Velvet speared Jade! Red Velvet was countered and then Jade pancaked her face first and scored the pin for her team! “Shaq is laid out at ringside,” said Excalibur.

The Score: 5 out of 10

The Good:

  • Shaq did pretty damn well. He actually came across like he could kick some ass. Shaq hit a great power-bomb. Jade did really well for her first match. Red was great. Cody kept the match going. This was quite action packed. There was even a big table spot at the end involving Shaq and Cody. Jade got the fall and looked tough.

The Bad:

  • This still felt weak and lame, despite being better than expected.

The Verdict:

  • Shaq did really well and so did Jade. Go figure.

Match #2: PAC & Rey Fenix—Two-thirds of The Death Triangle def. John Skyler and D3

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

PAC and Rey Fenix were looking to make short work of Skyler. PAC elevated over the top rope and down onto D3! PAC exploded with the 450 splash onto Skyler. Rey Fenix tagged in and sat down with a powerbomb for the victory!

The Score: 3 out of 10

The Good:

  • A lot happened in just a few minutes.

The Bad:

  • This was too short and too aimless to be a good match.

The Verdict:

  • Stone Cold Steve Austin didn’t give a s—t about this weak ass s—t!

Match #3: Tully Blanchard & FTR—Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood (with JJ Dillon) def. Jurassic Express—Jungle Boy, Luchasaurus & Marko Stunt

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Tully pushed Marko into FTR’s corner and got a few stiff shots in on Marko. Dax and Jungle Boy both tagged in. Dax chopped away at Jungle Boy and followed up with body shots. Jungle Boy rallied back and after several leap frogs he connected with a high dropkick to Dax, and then a German release suplex on Cash! He applied the snare trap on Dax but Cash pulled Jungle Boy out of the ring. With the referee distracted, JJ Dillon slipped his shoe to Dax who then smacked Jungle Boy with it for a near fall! Tully tagged in and took it to Jungle Boy, dropping him with a big right hand! “This one is red hot, folks,” said Jim Ross. Luchasaurus tagged in and exploded with big right kicks to Dax and Cash! Marko ran in and Luchasaurus slammed him onto Tully! Luchasaurus double suplexed Dax and Cash! He tried to shoulder ram Harwood but Harwood dodged it, sending Luchasaurus shoulder first into the ring post! On the outside, Cash blasted Luchasaurus with a swinging DDT onto the arena floor! Cash hit an Everest suplex onto Jungle Boy! Tully Blanchard scored the slingshot suplex on Marko! Luchasaurus nailed Tully with a tail whip! At ringside, someone in black interfered. FTR used the spike piledriver and Tully pinned Luchasaurus!

The Score: 8 out of 10

The Good:

  • This whole match just kept going and going and going. The term “well-oiled machine” comes to mind when speaking of this match. There was never a dull moment here and that means one thing…party boy!

The Bad:

  • Tully slowed the bout down, but what can you expect from a guy who went from man to turtle in a jump-suit?

The Verdict:

  • There’s a whole lotta great wrestling to choke on here. GAAAACK!!!!!

Match #4: United States Bracket Winner “The Native Beast” Nyla Rose (with Vickie Guerrero) def. Japan Bracket Winner Ryo Mizunami – AEW Women’s World Title Eliminator Tournament Finals Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The winner tonight earns a world title match against Hikaru Shida this Sunday at REVOLUTION 2021! Ryo and Nyla locked up with Nyla powering her opponent to the ropes. Ryo peppered Nyla with stiff shots. Nyla fired back with forearms. Ryo came back with her own strikes. “Both wrestlers looking for that big knock out shot,” said Jim Ross. Ryo dropped Nyla with a wicked clothesline but Nyla kicked out at the one-count! Nyla followed up with a rolling splash. “Nyla Rose trying to get directly back to the title picture by winning this match,” said Jim Ross. Nyla attempted a senton off the top rope but Ryo rolled out of the way. She speared Nyla to the midsection, knocking her to the outside. Nyla stood back up on the ring apron but Ryo swept her leg. Ryo used a vicious leg drop onto Nyla! Ryo hit a splash off the ropes as Nyla made it back in before ref Aubrey Edwards counted her out. Nyla and Ryo traded heavy shots. Ryo blocked a clothesline with one of her own, but then Nyla shut her down with a Death Valley Driver! Ryo kicked out at two! Nyla hung Ryo on the top rope and crashed down off the top with her diving knee drop! Ryo kicked out at the two-count! “Man, this is a battle,” said Jim Ross. Nyla attempted the Beast Bomb but Ryo fought out and connected with an exploder suplex on Nyla! Ryo climbed to the top rope but Nyla met her up there and superplexed her back down to Earth! Somehow Ryo managed to find her second-wind and speared Nyla! Ryo hit the guillotine leg drop and pinned Nyla!

The Score: 8 out of 10

The Good:

  • Whew boy! Nyla and Ryo worked hard to make this a hard-hitting fighting to the finish. Nyla has come such a long way. Ryo looks like a Japanese Kevin James. Who’s The King Of Queens now?! If you like strong-style, then this is a match that doesn’t disappoint.

The Bad:

  • This was slow and limp at times.

The Verdict:

  • I think this turned out absolutely fantastically… this was a fabulous match.

Match #5: Max Caster def. 10

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Scorpio Sky joined the commentary team for this match. 10 clotheslined Max and knocked him back down with a running shoulder tackle. “10 is turning up the offensive heat,” said Jim Ross. 10 hit another clothesline, sending Max over the top rope and onto the arena floor. 10 charged at Max but Max moved out of the way and pushed 10 into the metal ring post! He followed up with a basement dropkick. 10 backdropped Max and then brought the “spine on the pine.” 10 speared Max through the center strand for a near fall. Out of nowhere, Max executed a brainbuster on 10! He went up top for the Claim to Fame but 10 figured out what was going on and got out of the way! 10 powerbombed Max but Max got his boot onto the bottom rope to break the pin attempt. Jack Evans of TH2 was hiding under the ring! He popped out and blasted 10 with the boombox! Max quickly pinned 10 after Evans’ sneak attack. Matt Hardy was waiting at the top of the ramp and handed Jack Evans an envelope of cash.

The Score: 3 out of 10

The Good:

  • Max won.

The Bad:

  • The match was boring.

The Verdict: “

  • The House With A Clock In Its Walls” kicks ass. Oh, this was a cool victory for Max, who gets a big marquee match out of the deal.

Match #6: (Main Event) Adam Page & John Silver vs. Matt Hardy & Marq Quen

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Silver overpowered Marq with a single leg takedown. In the corner, Matt Hardy snuck a kidney shot at Silver. Hardy tagged in and had a headlock on Silver. “Hangman” Page tagged in and Hardy wanted no part of it and tagged out to Marq Quen! Page took the boots and stomped a mudhole into Marq Quen! Soon “Big Money Matt” got involved again. Hardy hit a side effect on John Silver on the ring apron! Quen tagged in and stomped on John Silver. Matt Hardy jumped off the second turnbuckle but John Silver blocked him and followed through with a standing sliced bread! Silver tagged Page and Hardy tagged out to Quen. Page planted Quen spine-first on the mat! Page used a fallaway slam on Quen and then jumped over the top rope with a body press onto Hardy! Page used a Death Valley Driver on Quen in the center of the ring! Page threw Quen at Hardy, wanting Hardy to tag in, but Hardy refused. Quen caught Page with a dropkick to the knees and then Hardy tagged in, smelling blood in the water. Page countered the Twist of Fate with a back suplex! John Silver tagged in and speared Matt Hardy! Silver countered the Twist of Fate with a back slide. He followed up with a brainbuster on Hardy but Hardy kicked out at the two-count! Silver was guillotined over the top rope by Quen. Hardy tagged Quen and Quen hit a massive dropkick on Silver. Page tagged in and blasted Quen with a pop-up powerbomb and then the buckshot lariat for the three-count!

The Score: 4 out of 10

The Good:

  • Adam Page worked hard to make this not completely boring. Silver looked like he was coked the f—k up and it was great.

The Bad:

  • Why was this the main event? Who in the hell wants this as the main event?

The Verdict:

  • Why was this the main event? Who in the hell wants this as the main event? Why is Matt Hardy wearing slacks to wrestle? Couldn’t you book a better main event?

Major News:

  1. A major wrestling star will debut at Revolution.
  2. The final spot in the Face Of The Revolution Ladder Match will be revealed at Revolution.

Final Verdict: 6/10

This was a bit of a weak show that only built toward Revolution through vignettes. Why not book matches featuring people on the show? Moxley and Omega didn’t even have time in the end of the show to sell their match for Revolution. By the time show came to an end, I forgot that Revolution was even this Sunday. AEW just feels like a mess right now. Some of it sticks to the wall and a lot of it doesn’t. Also, why is Jon Moxley the only wrestler who talks about being the World Champion? Omega kinda does, but not really. How can any World Title match matter if only one guy seems to give a s—t?

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