‘AEW: Dynamite’ Review (Jan 13th 2021)

Welcome to this week’s AEW Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and f— AEW Dark. It has too many matches. It’s driving me insane! So, to that end, we’re just gonna put a brief run-down of Dark at the beginning of each Dynamite review, so I don’t have to review a thousand squash matches a week. I F—— HATE SQUASH MATCHES!!!!!!! Charlie Bucket got squashed by the Great Glass Wonkavator. Finally…a squash I like! F— YEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! Dorothy Gale was a little whore and we have the wonderful New Year’s Smash Night 2 to usher in 2021 with…Darby Allin? S—. Well, at least he gives me a boner. Alright, let’s begin this new era of Dynamite reviews by doing no work and skipping it for the week. Adios, amigo!

• Ricky Starks def. Mike Verna
• Jurassic Express def. Ryzin and Fuego Del Sol
• Tay Conti def. Marti Daniels
• The Dark Order def. Shawn Dean, Zack Clayton, Adam Priest, Danny Limelight, and Vary Morales
• Powerhouse Hobbs def. Louie Valle
• Red Velvet def. Leva Bates
• Alex Reynolds and John Silver def. KC Navarro and El Australiano
• Varsity Blondes def. Lee Johnson and Aaron Solow
• Anna Jay def. Alex Gracia
• Serena Deeb def. Tesha Price
• Bear Country def. Baron Black and Nick Comoroto
• Top Flight def. Chaos Project

Final Verdict: 3/5

I flipped a coin and it came-up 3 out of 5.

Match #1: PAC def. Eddie Kingston

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“He’s obnoxious but he’s old school throwback. He’s a brawler. He comes to fight you,” said Jim Ross of Eddie Kingston. PAC entered the ring and immediately took the fight to Kingston, blasting him with a shotgun dropkick! PAC followed up, flipping over the top rope, crashing down onto Kingston and then landing on his feet! “Now that he’s back with the Lucha Bros. and Death Triangle, we could be seeing the best of PAC yet,” noted Excalibur. PAC showed eight months’ worth of pent up aggression, battering Kingston with multiple pump kicks. Eddie, on his knees, slapped at PAC’s leg. PAC answered with a knee to Kingston’s face. “Usually Eddie Kingston is the aggressor but this has been all PAC, since before the bell,” said Excalibur. Kingston returned fire with a jumping knee to the back of PAC’s head. Kingston pushed PAC out of the ring with his boot, strategically placing him in proximity of The Bunny on the arena floor. She dug her nails into the eyes of PAC! Kingston went to the outside of the ring and planted PAC with a shoulder capture suplex. Back in the ring, Kingston used a neck breaker, but PAC kicked out at one! Kingston tortured “The Bastard” with knife edged chops. PAC rallied back with forearms to Kingston, and then a very stiff belly to back suplex! Kingston caught PAC by surprise with a backfist and followed up with a backdrop driver for a near fall. Kingston climbed to the top rope but PAC dazed him with a swift kick to the head! PAC superplexed Kingston down to the canvas for a near fall! “Man, Kingston really hurt his lower back there. You can tell by how his expression changed so drastically,” said Jim Ross. “Could be his back, could be his tailbone even,” replied Excalibur. PAC continued his assault with kicks to Kingston’s chest, followed by a European uppercut. “That’s some brutal artistry right there. That uppercut found a mark,” said Jim Ross. Kingston did a head and shoulder fake, popping up and using a lariat on PAC! Kingston attempted a DDT but PAC held on to the top rope, forcing Kingston to collide with the mat. PAC quickly climbed to the top and used his Black Arrow to pin Eddie Kingston! After the match, PAC applied the Brutalizer submission! “He’s going after that shoulder of Kingston,” said Excalibur.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was less a match than a squash, but both men gave great individual performances that were fun to watch. PAC has IT, as they say. Kingston is no great wrestler, but he is a great performer and he can sell his way in and out of any-thing, which he does here. Both of these guys were very believable here in ways that are worth seeing yourself, but make sure to watch how these guys carry themselves in this match. On paper, this was no dream match in terms of the wrestling, but they made the pairing feel like a real clash of styles and that actually laid a foundation for how these two can make any future matches between the two work. Overall, while this was no classic, it was a great bout to show any wrestler that wants to know how to squeeze the value out of every single second of a match. I wish this would’ve had more wrestling in it, but this was a quality bout none the less.

Match #2: Miro def. Chuck Taylor

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Miro injured Chuck Taylor’s tag partner Trent three weeks ago on DYNAMITE, forcing him out for four to six months with a torn pec. “Miro is undefeated since arriving in AEW late last year,” said Excalibur. Chuck charged in with a flurry of kicks and punches to Miro—who showed no respect for his opponent by turning his back. Chuck sent Miro to the outside with a clothesline. “Obviously Chuck wants revenge for what happened to his best friend, but also doesn’t want to end up as Miro’s butler. Stipulations or not, Chuck Taylor is fired up tonight,” said Excalibur, as Chuck rammed Miro into the outside wall. Chuck followed up with a tope con giro! “Miro is in a lot more trouble than I think any of us expected,” said Excalibur. Miro charged at Chuck but Chuck dodged him, sending “The Best Man” crashing into the steel ring post! He followed up with a diving foot stomp on the chest of Miro. Kip Sabian nailed an unsuspecting Orange Cassidy on the outside, but Chuck saw it and blasted Kip with a mule kick to the face. Miro charged Chuck but Chuck countered with a knee strike to Miro’s jaw. Chuck went after Miro again but Miro caught Chuck with an emphatic Samoan drop! Miro pounded Chuck with rights and lefts and over hand hooks! Miro splashed Chuck in the corner and then hit him with a massive leg lariat. “The eyes of Miro will tell you everything. The eyes of an assassin, not an errand boy,” said Jim Ross. Miro wiped out Chuck with a thrust kick to the head! Miro locked in the Game Over submission and forced Chuck Taylor to tap out! “Now Chuck Taylor has to be Miro’s butler,” said Excalibur.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was about three minutes of Miro smashing ol’ Chuck Taylor like an orphan in the Lil’ Bastard Masher 5000! Lil’ Bastard Masher 5000! Do you have children that are without parents and lonely? Why not…SMASH THEIR ASSES!!!!! With the Lil’ Bastard Masher 5000, you’ll crush those worthless losers like the pieces of s— that they are! Their parents died to get away from them and now you can help send their children straight to Hell! With one good STOMP!, you can pulverize those puny pricks just for crying about how sad they are that their parents are dead! Who needs to listen to those pathetic twerps bitc… Me: Sorry about that. A bunch of Donald Trump supporters hacked the review. I like orphans, by the way. Well, this was only a couple minutes long anyway, so I guess the idiots didn’t ruin much. Actually, they brought the word-count up, so thanks you evil f—-. Miro looked great and intense again, so maybe Tony Khan got the message every-one has been sending him…maybe. Taylor sold well for his mauling and that worked out well for the match. The Chevy Chase Show was terrible and this match was alright.

Match #3: The Elite—AEW World Champion Kenny Omega (with Impact’s Don Callis) & The Good Brothers—Impact Wrestling World Tag Champions Karl Anderson & Doc Gallows def. Danny LimeLight & the Varsity Blondes— Brian Pillman, Jr. & Griff Garrison

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Before AEW ring announcer Justin Roberts could introduce The Young Bucks, Don Callis called out tag champs and “Kenny’s best friends”—The Good Brothers! The Bucks were seen standing backstage with Tony Khan, outraged by Don Callis’ audible. “This is a charade is what this is. A complete charade,” said Tony Schiavone. “Man, somebody’s getting awfully manipulated here with this deal,” replied Jim Ross. “Well it seems like The Young Bucks weren’t in on it either,” added Excalibur. Omega and The Good Brothers charged at the competition! Omega worked over Danny LimeLight in the corner turnbuckles while The Good Brothers mugged Garrison and Pillman on the arena floor. Gallows teed off on Pillman, Jr. “They set up The Young Bucks. We all saw it, The Young Bucks agreed to form together a week ago and then they pulled this on The Young Bucks—the World Tag Team Champions, by the way,” said Schiavone. Danny LimeLight jumped off the middle rope with an arm drag and then a dropkick to Omega. Gallows interfered and dropped Danny off his feet! Garrison and Pillman ran in and clotheslined Gallows over the top and out of the ring. Brian Pillman, Jr. tagged in and kicked Omega in the midsection. Garrison tagged in and worked over Omega’s arm. “Callis likes to call himself ‘The Invisible Hand’ bringing in Gallows and Anderson to team with Omega here tonight,” noted Excalibur. Anderson tagged in and hammered down shots on Danny LimeLight! “Karl Anderson is just a buzzsaw is what he is,” said Tony Schiavone. The so-called Elite squashed Danny LimeLight with a triple splash! Pillman tagged in and connected with a diving shoulder tackle on Anderson. He smacked Omega with a lariat, and then a running elbow to Doc Gallows for good measure! The Varsity Blondes used their version of a Hart Attack on Anderson for a near fall! “Karl Anderson barely escaped on that,” said Tony Schiavone. After Garrison missed a splash, he was triple teamed by Omega and The Good Brothers! LimeLight tagged in but he was isolated by Karl Anderson. The Good Brothers finished off Danny LimeLight with the magic killer and scored the victory!

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – Well, this was just another long squash, but big s— got hit and it was lit. Lit? Oh God…the 21st Century has struck! Run you fools! GANDALLLLLLLLLLLF!!!!!!!!!! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! The Elite looked happy to be back together. The Varsity Blondes and Danny LimeLight did their job well and sold for The Elite like their lives depended on it. For a match that wasn’t much beyond just moves, it was fun in its way.

Match #4: FTR—Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood (with Tully Blanchard) def. Jurassic Express—Marko Stunt and Jungle Boy (with Luchasaurus)

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Marko told Luchasaurus to stay in the back for this match. Cash manhandled Marko into the corner, but Jungle Boy jumped in to even up the odds. Marko locked up with Dax, but Dax pushed Marko right back into the corner. Marko slapped Dax but Dax clobbered Marko and then suplexed him! FTR lifted Marko up by the hair and then planted him back down on the canvas head-first! “They’re toying with him,” said Jim Ross. Jungle Boy tagged in, hit a Manhattan drop on Cash and then Marko kicked him! “Look at this team work,” said Schiavone. Marko jumped through Jungle Boy’s legs to the outside, like a missile at FTR. Jungle Boy followed up with a beautiful quebrada! “Jungle Boy has such a high wrestling IQ for being only 23 years of age,” noted Excalibur. Cash swung Marko down hard with a double-leg spinebuster. Dax tagged in and dropped repeated elbows on Marko. Dax attempted a powerbomb but Marko rolled out and got the tag to Jungle Boy, who proceeded to clean house on FTR! Jungle Boy connected with a hurracanrana on Harwood from the top turnbuckle! Jungle Boy attempted the pin but Cash Wheeler broke it up just in the nick of time! Jungle Boy spiked Cash with a brain buster! Harwood grabbed Jungle Boy’s tights and rolled him up for a near fall! Jungle Boy tagged in partner Marko and they used an assisted senton on Dax for a near fall! Marko went for a sliced bread but Harwood was too strong and stopped him in his tracks! Dax removed his elbow pad and wiped out Marko with a lariat! Marko evened up the odds with a low blow and then connected with a cutter! Dax kicked out and Marko spilled to the outside. As ref Paul Turner had his back turned, Tully Blanchard grabbed Marko on the arena floor and rammed him into the steel ring post! FTR finished off Marko with the Big Rig and scored the pin!

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – This was fun in its way, but mostly because Jungle Boy and FTR having a good back and forth. This was an even match, but it was mostly just a stunt to give FTR a convincing victory that took some difficulty to attain. Okay, enough of the match that didn’t have enough of Jungle Boy’s new theme song. OAOAOAOAOAOAAOA! OAOAOAOAOAOAOA!

Match #5: Serena Deeb def. Tay Conti (with Dark Order’s Anna “99” Jay) – NWA Women’s World Championship Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Deeb worked over Tay’s wrist but Tay reversed it. Deeb took down Tay with an arm drag and then tried for a pin after excellent mat wrestling. Tay used a back leg trip and then applied a heel hook on Deeb! Tay hurled Deeb with a Judo-style shoulder throw! Tay Conti tried for a triangle sleeper but Deeb escaped it before it was fully locked in. Deeb used a sliding lariat for a near fall! “Serena is relentless. She doesn’t have to think about the next thing she wants to do offensively,” noted Jim Ross. Serena was looking for the Deeb-Tox but Tay flipped her over, and then Serena countered with a roll up of her own. Conti escaped and blasted Deeb with a brutal pump kick! After much back and forth, Deeb hooked the Deeb-Tox finisher and pinned Conti! “That’s a hell of a match” said Tony Schiavone. “A tremendously hard fought match. Serena Deeb retained the NWA Women’s World Championship but Tay Conti hung with her right to the bitter end,” replied Excalibur.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – Deeb worked hard with Tay and made this a tense, jam-packed match filled with enough action to make any wrestling fan giddy. Deeb has far too much skill and technique. What a great complaint to have about some one. Tay was excellent here and actually looked strong with Deeb, which is quite a compliment to give. I had a good time with a good match and you may do the same if you watch this fine prize fight.

Match #6: (Main Event) Darby Allin def. Brian Cage – TNT Championship Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Taz joined the commentary team for this match. Hook and “Absolute” Ricky Starks were ringside, and it was noted that Tony Khan wouldn’t allow any additional members of Team Taz out there. Darby Allin charged Cage when the bell sounded and used a dropkick to take the challenger off his feet! Darby rushed again, diving from inside to Cage outside, and then ramming Cage’s head into the barricade! “Darby Allin taking the fight directly to The Machine,” said Excalibur. Darby attempted a tope but Cage caught him! Cage planted Darby on the outside with a vertical suplex! “The FTW Champion is fixing to be the new TNT Champion,” said Taz. Back in the ring, Cage used a short-arm clothesline on Darby. Cage press-slammed Darby from the ring to the outside! Darby was sent flying and crashed through a table! Darby was gashed open, bleeding from the top of his head. “That table imploded but so did Darby Allin’s body!” said Jim Ross. Cage hoisted Darby up in a vertical suplex-like hold, carried him up the ring steps, onto the ramp, and then hurled him back into the ring! “I’m not sure how much more our champ can take,” wondered Excalibur. Cage used a running uppercut and then a released German suplex on Darby! Cage threw Darby halfway across the ring, right into the turnbuckles! He did it a second time and then Cage dropped closed fists on Darby’s busted open head. The blood mixed with the face paint on Darby! Brian Cage rag dolled Darby with three consecutive powerbombs! Darby Allin looked up at Cage and flipped him the middle finger! “Darby Allin will not quit!” said Excalibur. Cage picked up Darby and used a running powerbomb, with Darby crashing onto the entrance ramp! Darby flipped off Cage again! Cage suplexed Darby back into the ring. Cage tried for the pin and Darby kicked out at the one-count! Brian Cage maneuvered the massive steel steps on the outside of the ring, positioning them toward the center, parallel with the ring apron. Cage picked up Darby on the apron, but Darby fired off some elbows into Cage’s jaw. Darby bit Cage’s hand and Cage fell backwards directly onto the ring steps! Darby followed up with a coffin drop on Cage on the steel steps! “What the hell did I just see?” asked Tony Schiavone. “Tony, you just saw Darby even the odds with Brian Cage,” replied Excalibur. Back in the ring, Cage caught Darby and squeezed him in a bear hug. Darby bit on Cage’s head, forcing Cage to release the TNT Champ! Darby hit a stunner on Cage, and then dropped through, tying up Cage’s legs with his leather belt! Darby surprised Cage with a Code Red but Cage kicked out at two! Darby sent Cage flying into the corner with a shotgun dropkick! Darby hit a double foot stomp on Cage! Hook distracted the ref, and as Darby was on the top turnbuckle, Ricky Starks knocked Darby down! The arena lights went dark! When the power turned back on, Sting was standing behind Starks on the ramp! Sting swung the bat at Starks and wasted him with two shots! Sting evened up the odds! Darby hooked Cage with the crucifix bomb and pinned him for the three-count!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a lot like that Brock Lesnar/John Cena match where Lesnar squashed Cena for thirty minutes. Cage knocked the hell out of Allin like he was The WNBA is their Mecha-Godzilla. You think those women take any-body’s s—? If you f— with The WNBA…you get smushed by Mecha-Godzilla. That also helps with their jump-shots…that they still miss. Listen, this was fun and Allin even took a great table bump to sell this as a massacre, which sounds like some-thing a teenage girl would do to get a Jello shot at a party…shutting-up. Cage made Allin winning look legitimate and Allin is already popular enough to win against just about anybody, so this whole thing worked out well.

Final Verdict: 3.4/5

This was not as good as the past few weeks, but it held together enough to be fun and it didn’t stink-up the joint, so that’s a win, if only a mild win.