08th Jan2021

‘AEW: Dark’ Review (Dec 29th 2020 & Jan 5th 2021)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this double-sized edition of the AEW Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Brad Britch chomping at the bit to talk about wrestling. Brad: WRESTLING!!!!! WRESTLING!!!! WRESSSSSSSTLINNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!! I hate Quark! Ruined Star Trek: Deep Space Nine! A—hole! Million matches! Two weeks! Jean Smart is Levi Stupid! WRESTLING! NOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!

DECEMBER 29th 2020

  • Rey Fenix def. Vary Morales
  • Penelope Ford def. Lindsay Snow
  • John Silver & Alex Reynolds def. Shawn Dean & Tyson Maddux
  • Anna Jay def. Jazmin Allure
  • Team Taz (Brian Cage, Ricky Starks & Powerhouse Hobbs) def. Ryzin, Nick Comoroto & James Tapia
  • Griff Garrison def. Fuego Del Sol
  • Santana & Ortiz def. Terrence & Terrell Hughes
  • Sammy Guevara def. Aaron Solow
  • Chaos Project def. Ariel Levy & El Cuervo De Puerto Rico
  • Leva Bates def. Madi Wrenkowski
  • Matt Sydal def. Danny Limelight
  • Tay Conti def. Vertvixen
  • The Gunn Club def. Royal Money, Baron Black and Mike Verna
  • SCU (Christopher Daniels & Frankie Kazarian) def. The Hybrid2 (Jack Evans & Angelico)

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

The last match ruled. Ruled! Went twelve minutes. SCU versus Hybrid2…3.9! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!!! Other matches were crap! Vertvixen? Freakin’ sexy math chick? I’m not doing math! Math’s for nerds! NERDS! Tay won hun! Matt Sydal played cock-hockey with Danny Limelight and won. Leva Bates can leave-a the wrestling alone…BECAUSE SHE SUCKS! Leva is trying…TRYING TO NOT SUCK…FAILING! Not bad wrestler though. Madi Wrench…rent…rank…ronk…DAMN IT! You know who it is! Rankadamankdawankadabankada lost to the Book B—- and had to pay the late fine. Luther threw Serpentico around. Griff Garrison won…SO?! Nice ass though. BADONKADONK! Sammy Guevara…Aaron Solow. Also…good match with Sammy showing a bunch of talent! The country of Puerto Rico lost a match…LOSERS! Team Taz is beef-cake porn Looney Tunes and they won. My girlfriend got eaten by a bear… The rest of these matches were squash matches or matches I forgot I watched. Just watch the main event…SUCKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

JANUARY 5th 2021

  • Jungle Boy def. Nick Comoroto
  • Nyla Rose def. Alex Gracia
  • Scorpio Sky def. Ariel Levy
  • Rey Fenix def. Aaron Solow
  • Brandon Cutler def. Louie Valle
  • Peter Avalon def. Angel Fashion
  • Ivelisse & Diamante def. KiLynn King & Tesha Price
  • The Gunn Club def. Mike Verna and Bear Country
  • Shanna def. Vipress
  • Matt Sydal def. Baron Black
  • Thunder Rosa def. Ashley Vox
  • The Acclaimed def. Lee Johnson & Shawn Dean
  • Danny Limelight def. Fuego Del Sol
  • Frankie Kazarian def. Griff Garrison, Angelico, Darius Martin
  • Sammy Guevara def. Michael Nakazawa
  • Alan “5” Angels def. Serpentico

Final Verdict: 3/5

Bunch of lame-o’s. Wait…Jungle Boy has a new theme song…TARZAN BOY! YEAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! OHAOHAOHAOHAOHAAAAAAAAAA! OHAOHAOHAOHAOHAAAAAAA!!!!!! I hate that song. Same damn people were back. Alan Angels? PLEH! Who the f— is Darius Martin?! The Acclaimed talk a lot. THE RAP! Danny Limelight? Pat, I’d like to buy the GLASS OF BETTER DAUGHTER! Vipress? Serpentico? The snake people have invaded! RUN WRESTLING! RUN! BRAD BRITCH WILL PROTECT YOU! F— THE CHILDREN! Gunn Club ain’t got no the guns. RIP-OFF! Peter Avalon and Brandon Cutler used to be a team…now they’re NOT! Glad they win matches now though. Both did good in crap splatch. Rey Fenix has a World Title match soon… Fenix won and should have. Grey’s Anatomy sucks. Scorpio Sky used to be offensive jerk…NOW HE’S ON TNT! BOOM! WRESTLING! This show had a lot of movement. I want more wrestling here, but less matches. Do five or six. Ten million is too much for two hours. Makes my ass hurt. Fun stuff when it was moves, but most matches were too short. They should take the squashes and make a weekly show where they have the squashes as five minute challenges featuring unsigned wrestlers versus roster members. DO IT! BRAD BRITCH! WRESTLING! WRESTLING! WRESSSSSSSTLINNNNNNNNNG!


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