08th Dec2020

WWE Raw – Dec 7th 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Raw review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I’m exclusive to the vagina…except for all those men…mmmmmm…mennnnnnnn…aaaaaaalllllllllgggggghhhhhhh. Okay, while I figure out what the hell I’m even talking about, let’s jump into this mud-pie of a show and see if we can find my keys. I drive a ’89 Chevy Matumba. It’s a s—-y car. COVID-19 spelled backwards is 91-DIVOC and Raw starts now.

Match #1: Asuka def. Shayna Baszler

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Asuka continues to tempt the Women’s Tag Team Champions and keeps chipping away at their already combustible chemistry. The Empress of Tomorrow squared off with Shayna Baszler, but the antics outside the ring between Lana and Nia Jax took center stage. Lana shocked Jax with an incredible counter that sent The Irresistible Force flying into the announce table and allowed Asuka to pin a stunned Baszler.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – There was actual wrestling in here. I’m not kidding. They used clinches and locks and transitions…hooboy! I hated the finish, even though it was dynamic. Why can’t we just have wrestling matches end on their own accord? Also, will you just let Baszler have a run with the strap already? She’s gotta be forty by now…Jesus. The way things are going, Baszler won’t even get to sniff the title until she’s dead, let alone hold the thing. Asuka and Baszler…this is a money pairing. How in the hell has this not been a marquee match for a major Pay Per View? It was fantastic here when allowed and prepare to taste defeat of my foot up your ass!

Match #2: Ricochet & Dana Brooke def. SLAPJACK & RECKONING

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Ricochet & Dana Brooke had both suffered the wrath of RETRIBUTION in recent weeks and opted to team up in a Mixed Tag Team Match against SLAPJACK & RECKONING. From the opening bell, Ricochet was flying high, and Dana made quick work of RECKONING with a Sit-down Slam to clinch the pin. After the match, Mustafa Ali wasn’t shy in sharing his disgust with the RETRIBUTION members after failing to keep the movement rising.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Gladys West helped invent GPS and this match was just a couple of good moves and HOCKEYJIM selling like a pan-cake made of my divorce from Manda Peeltzo…who is a jerk! Ricochet worked hard to not even finish the match, so there you go. At least Dana got to show here stuff and that’s why Yale sucks and Harvard rules!

Match #3: Kofi Kingston def. Shelton Benjamin

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The rivalry between The New Day and The Hurt Business raged on, as Kofi Kingston found himself in the crosshairs of Shelton Benjamin & Cedric Alexander. The former WWE Champion dispatched of Benjamin first with a crushing Trouble in Paradise.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was short yet excellent, like Tom Cruise. Shelton and Kofi have a short-hand at this point that makes their matches so fluid and loose that they look so effortless, like this one. It didn’t last long, but it was worth watching.

Match #4: Cedric Alexander def. Kofi Kingston

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Alexander laid down a challenge as Kingston exited the ring noticeably hobbled. Alexander strategically targeted the knee of his opponent, and Kingston’s perseverance was halted by a Lumbar Check that clinched a victory for Alexander, but his post-match theatrics once again caught a few glances from his Hurt Business associates.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was like the last match. Go look at the last match and get the review there. What? You want me to re-type it all again? What am I? Your freakin’ mother?! Get a job!

Match #5: AJ Styles, The Miz & John Morrison def. Drew McIntyre & Sheamus – 2-on-3 Handicap Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

AJ Styles, The Miz & John Morrison were hoping a numbers advantage could help bring their master plan of taking the WWE Title from Drew McIntyre to fruition. The Scottish Superstar teamed up once again with his longtime friend Sheamus, and the tandem came out swinging from the opening bell in the 2-on-3 Handicap Match. McIntyre & Sheamus took pleasure in dishing out punishment, but as the match turned chaotic, a rogue Brogue Kick connected with the WWE Champion and set up Styles to clobber Sheamus with a Phenomenal Forearm to seal the three-count.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – This was a lot of fun, even when I didn’t bother to watch it because I never watch the matches…ever. I make this crap up as I go along. Benson walked into the kitchen and told Katherine Helmond that she has a nice ass and she gave him a raise in his crotchital region. YAZOINKS! Then, Streets Of Fire happened until Willem Dafoe kicked Rick Moranis’s ass, which is what should’ve happened in that movie. I…wait…AJ and John were great here and should get more money or something. Hey, this actually got a lot of time. I know! A freakin’ match actually got time on a three-hour wrestling show! The speed that this sucker went at was closer to full-tilt raging-down-the-highway mayhem and it never let its foot off the throttle…or is that hand? This whole match went by so quickly, but it was boss!

Match #6: Bobby Lashley def. Jeff Hardy

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Jeff Hardy has never backed down from a challenge and ran straight into a showdown with The All Mighty. After a grueling Symphony of Destruction Match against Elias last week, The Charismatic Enigma showed his trademark grit in the early going to stave off Bobby Lashley’s strength. With MVP backing his Hurt Business client from ringside, Riddle emerged to help even the odds for Hardy. Hardy had the champion reeling when he dropped him with a Twist of Fate, but Lashley responded by nearly Spearing Hardy out of his boots and applying the Hurt Lock, forcing the former WWE Champion to submit. Lashley kept Jeff in the Hurt Lock after the bell until Riddle jumped into the ring to help Hardy finally get free from the deadly submission.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – Even the nights are better when you’re every woman in the world that’s lost in love with changes. Bobby and Jeff brought their TNA/Impact chemistry to their debut against each other in the WWE, like when “Horton Heard The Who”. The aerial/shooter combo proved to be dynamic once again for the first time ever in a place that was not where this match had already happened several times. I felt like Catherine The Great when she had f—– that horse, because this match was relentless in its quest to entertain. You get every type of offensive maneuver here and if you can’t find something to like here, then you’re weird. Bobby defeated Jeff and it worked for me.

Match #7: (Main Event) Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton ends in no-contest

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Randy Orton may be the only Superstar depraved enough to knock on The Firefly Fun House door, but Bray Wyatt was happy to answer his call for a clash. The two twisted Superstars had pain on their minds from the start, and Wyatt grabbed control of the match after sending Orton crashing onto the announce table. As The Viper struck Wyatt with an RKO, the WWE ThunderDome was engulfed in darkness. With Orton seemingly lined up for a pin, the lights revealed The Fiend had emerged from the abyss, and he left his WWE TLC opponent stunned with a stifling Mandible Claw.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – You don’t get a lot of psychology here, but you get plenty of hard-hitting action from Randy, who has a face that looks like an Alaskan car wreck. Bray and Randy kinda brawled, kinda countered and kinda just did whatever they felt like and it kinda worked…kinda. There’s nothing to this match really, but it was also a great show-case for how great Randy is at sudden bursts of movement. While not the strongest match of the show, it was decent and that’s a decent way to end the show.

News Of The Night:

  1. AJ Styles fights Drew McIntyre for the WWE World Title in a Tables, Ladders and Chairs match at TLC.
  2. Drew McIntyre and Sheamus are being pushed as having a friendship that solves their problems by fighting each other.
  3. Randy Orton fights The Fiend at TLC.
  4. Asuka and Lana fight Shayna Baszler and Nia Jax for the Women’s Tag Titles at TLC.
  5. Lana fight Nia Jax, next week.
  6. Jeff Hardy and Riddle are being teased as a team.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

This was not bad. The wrestling was quite good and there wasn’t much in the way of dumb comedy here. I had fun and was sold on the important stuff for TLC, so I’d call this show a success.


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