25th Sep2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Sept 23rd 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…wait, “Smart” Mark D. Mark.

Greetings you pathetic twerps! “Smart” Mark D. Mark here to piss on “The Tony Khan Variety Show” like the toilet it is. Nathan promised this review to me when I caught him slurping a glass of Ovaltine-a-la-mom and he didn’t want to get in trou…oops. Eh. I don’t care. Did you enjoy your precious AEW last week? Well, prepare to be demeaned you little geeks, because I’m going to crush this thing, whether the show is bad or not. Papa Vince…cut my check, baby! The fix is on!

Match #1: Kip Sabian and Miro def. Sonny Kiss and Joey Janela

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Kip and Sonny locked up, and Sonny took down “SuperBad” with a deep arm drag! Joey Janela and Sonny Kiss utilized quick tags to get the advantage on Kip Sabian. Sonny got a near fall on Kip after a standing moonsault! Miro tagged in and spiked Joey Janela! “That looked like an NBA dunk on TNT!” said Jim Ross of Miro’s move. Miro gut wrench suplexed “the Concrete Rose” twice! He slammed Sonny with authority and then tagged in Kip, who proceeded to punt Sonny with a kick! Sonny rallied back with forearms and then a flip to get the tag to Janela. “The Bad Boy” took to the skies and crashed down on Miro, and then collided with Kip for good measure. Miro had enough and used his Muay Thai background to level Joey Janela! Kip and Miro utilized a pop-up into a lung blower on Sonny, but Janela made the save in the nick of time! Miro blasted Sonny with a massive kick to the head, stomped on his spine, and then made Sonny submit with the “Game Over” camel clutch finisher!

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – Miro moved his leg twice and choked the Sonny Kiss to end this mercifully. Kip Sabian? Blow me. Who debuts a major singles star in Miro against two other notable singles stars in a tag team match? Is Touched Tony forgetting where he is again? I thought his athletes were the ones with CTE, not him? Kiss and Janela sold well for Oliver Twist, since Miro wasn’t keen on doing any wrestling. I guess Miro gets his work-ethic from The Undertaker after all. If you like your wrestling matches to do nothing and achieve less, then it’s your lucky f-cking day.

Match #2: Adam Page def. Evil Uno

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Kenny Omega joined the commentary booth for this match. We were informed that this match was originally offered to both Page and Omega as a tag team bout against Evil Uno and Stu Grayson, but Omega turned it down. “The tag team part of me is dead,” said Kenny Omega. The Dark Order stood on the ramp during the match, overseeing Evil Uno’s efforts. A big boot from Page took down Evil Uno. He followed up with a snap suplex, good for a one-count. Page bridged back with a suplex for a near fall. “Wow, Page is pulling out some tricks that I haven’t seen,” remarked Omega. Page knocked Uno out to the floor with a lariat, and then a pescado! Uno manipulated AEW referee Rick Knox, outsmarted Page, and used his body positioning to nail “Hangman” with a neck breaker! Page was knocked to the ramp and the Dark Order began to advance forward. Evil Uno ordered them to the back. When Uno returned to the ring, “Hangman” pancaked Uno on the ring apron. He followed up with the fallaway slam and a standing shooting star press for a two-count! “I give Evil Uno a lot of credit for coming back after those,” said Tony Schiavone. Page hit two running clotheslines on Evil Uno, but Evil Uno finally countered with a pump kick. He dropped a senton atomico from the top rope onto Page for a near fall! They traded clotheslines. “What a slugfest. This has broken down into a barroom brawl which may suit ‘Hangman’ Page well,” noted Jim Ross. Page powerbombed Uno and covered him with a high stack but Uno kicked out. Page pulled out his patented buckshot lariat and scored the pin!

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – Evil Uno? Blow me. Who would book a guy who got his wrestling skills from Trevor Murdoch and Grado? Why is this Twinkie-hipped freak in the ring with the stud, Adam Page? They brawled the whole time, which worked well in this case, but is not a trend I would endorse. Adam was a tremendous athlete here, going from pillar to post to carry the janitor of AEW to a passable match that made me look like Barry Sanders in the nude. Come for Adam Page and stay for Adam Page.

Match #3: Brodie Lee def. Orange Cassidy – TNT Championship Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“This is a big dangerous man who is obviously on a roll,” said Jim Ross of Brodie Lee. “Orange isn’t about to be intimidated,” replied Schiavone, as Orange rolled into the ring. The Dark Order surrounded the ring. Anna Jay jumped on the ring apron and Orange put his aviators on her. Mr. Brodie Lee walked over and removed them from her face. He chucked the sunglasses into the crowd. Cassidy dropkicked Mr. Brodie Lee to the outside. Cassidy tried for a tope suicida (with his hands in his pockets, of course) but the Dark Order minions caught him! Mr. Brodie Lee returned to the ring, got a running start, and rocketed himself to the outside onto Orange Cassidy! Brodie hit a senton onto Orange for a near fall. Orange tried for a swinging DDT but Brodie reversed it with the Bossman slam! Brodie used a half and half suplex to toss Orange Cassidy halfway across the ring! He repeated it! “Cassidy can’t even keep his feet underneath him. Or is this a ploy?” asked Excalibur. Brodie set up Orange for the discuss lariat but Orange fell down again. “He is so elusive, is Cassidy,” said Schiavone. Orange Cassidy used two elbow suicidas on Brodie! Orange used a stunner and then a diving DDT on “the Exalted One”! Orange hit the ropes and then used the running PK, another DDT, and the Air Raid on Mr. Brodie Lee, but Brodie kicked out! John Silver distracted Orange Cassidy long enough for Mr. Brodie Lee to nearly decapitate Orange Cassidy with the discuss lariat! Mr. Brodie Lee won via pin!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – The dork did a nice job working with Grizzly Adams. I’m not sold on hand-in-the-pockets as an offensive maneuver, but that’s what passes for action in AEW. Lee was like a wildebeest here, shoving the OJ Kid around like the dork that he is. So much of this was just Lee slamming Minute Maid, but that’s how the people spend a Saturday night, so who am I to complain? Oh, wait…I’m the greatest, that’s who! If I wanted to watch indy trash scrape themselves off of a real man’s boot, then I’d watch Tony Nese let Vince bury him on 205 Live. Admittedly, this was a good match, but I won’t remember it next week.

Match #4: AEW Women’s World Champion Hikaru Shida & NWA World Women’s Champion Thunder Rosa def. AEW Women’s Tag Team Cup Winners Ivelisse & Diamante

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Ivelisse and Diamante shelved Thunder Rosa on the outside, ramming her into the steel barricade. Thunder Rosa and Shida came back and hit double knees on Diamante, displaying impressive teamwork. Thunder Rosa used two deep arm drags on Diamante and then a precise sit out senton for a near fall. Ivelisse tagged in and threw wild right hands on Thunder Rosa. Ivelisse avoided a falcon arrow from Shida! Thunder Rosa attempted a knee strike on Ivelisse but Ivelisse dodged it and Thunder Rosa’s knee connected with Shida instead! Diamante tried for the Code Red on Shida but Thunder Rosa blocked it for her partner with a Death Valley Driver! Shida decimated Diamante with a running knee strike and scored the victory via pin!

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – The women did well here, not acting like geeks and all. There’s a lot of aggression in this small, little package, but that aggression had a lot of flavor in it. Okay, I’ve had enough of giving women the credit they deserve.

Match #5: (Main Event) Jon Moxley def. Eddie Kingston – AEW World Championship

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Tony Khan made the decision for this match late Wednesday afternoon. Khan indicated there were questions surrounding Kingston’s Casino Battle Royale elimination during ALL OUT (“The MurderHawk Monster” Lance Archer and Kingston were the final two remaining competitors, and Archer threw Kingston off the top turnbuckle to the floor but not over the top rope). To remove any doubt, Khan granted Eddie Kingston a shot at Moxley’s title tonight! “Slobber knocker time!” said Jim Ross. They locked up, Mox reversing a wrist lock. They started slapping one another in the face, Kingston seemingly relishing the moment! Things got serious in a hurry when the slaps turned to brutally stiff chops to the chest! Kingston clotheslined Mox and then threw him outside. “Eddie is taking the fight right to the champion,” said Tony Schiavone. Eddie Kingston punched Mox in the kidneys. Kingston whipped Moxley into the timekeeper’s table! For good measure, he rammed him into the steel barricade. “The challenger has gained the advantage. Eddie Kingston has the momentum,” noted Jim Ross. Moxley fought back with a lariat and then a suicide dive to Kingston! He connected with consecutive knee strikes on Kingston, and then a piledriver. Kingston broke the pin by touching the ropes. Kingston caught Moxley off guard with a powerbomb, good for a two-count! Moxley headbutted Kingston, but Kingston countered with a backdrop driver for a very near fall on the champ! Kingston went for his spinning backfist but Moxley blocked it. He applied a sleeper and then transitioned to the bulldog choke, winning by referee stoppage!

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – As brawls go, this was pretty decent. Moxley and Kingston looked more like a couple of drag queens out of costume, but that never stopped me before. I loved the slug-fest thing, both as a visual aesthetic and a nostalgia trip back to my life in that burlesque orphanage. These guys knocked this match into grudge match territory, likely because they both wanted to wear the same pair of sweat-pants. This match was long enough to make a mark, but it didn’t quite go as far as I wanted…lazy pricks. Kingston looks like he just got fired from the un-employment line. Moxley should invest in a COVID mask that covers his whole face. Is this what wrestling has come to? Well, at least they smacked each other around real well. As big-time prize fights go, I’ve seen worse (Bret/Shawn Ironman…Jesus Christ).

News Of The Night:

  1. Matt Hardy thinks Chris Jericho attacked him a week or so ago.
  2. Cody returned and was challenged to a Dog Collar match by Brodie Lee.
  3. Colt Cabana is being teased as not being on board with The Dark Order (neither am I).

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

This show was about enough to keep me awake, but that’s it. Well twerps, that’s enough of this tire fire. Nathan, I’ll burn the evidence mah boy!


Comments are closed.