14th Sep2020

Friday Night Smackdown – Sept 11th 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s WWE Friday Night SmackDown review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have more bull-shit from McMahonland. Bray Wyatt and his dip-shit puppet show is here to ruin PBS forever, along with…more shit. This better be good, or I’ll blow a banana ‘till it splits.

Match #1: Jeff Hardy vs. AJ Styles – Intercontinental Championship Match (No Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

As the battle to be the one true champion rages, Jeff Hardy met AJ Styles in an Intercontinental Title showdown. Sami Zayn was incensed to not be included in the match and entered on the ramp to call the proceeding showdown fraudulent for not involving him. As officials removed Zayn, The Phenomenal One used the opportunity to attack The Charismatic Enigma. Hardy rallied to go on the offensive, but Styles escaped from an early Swanton Bomb attempt. As the physical battle raged, Zayn emerged to lay waste to Styles and deliver a Helluva Kick to Hardy. The intrepid Hardy pulled himself up, but he fell to the ground as he tried to stagger up the ramp. It was reported that Hardy suffered from dehydration, and the argument surround the Intercontinental Championship remained contested by all three Superstars.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was very clever wrestling that always had an ace up its sleeve. It’s a shame that this ended before the ten minute mark could even come about, because this was gaining a lot of steam, like an old chick in a sauna whose ass flaps are sagging over the fat rolls behind her cankles. Hardy and Styles continue to have the good ol’ southern boys chemistry thing going on…you know…’rasslin’ moves and such. Ya like woogie stew? Who in the hell books a main event like this to open the show and go so shor…wait…Vince McMahon…dumb-ass. I get that they wanted to do the run-in with Sami Zayn to set-up the three man feud, but at least let them go for a while to sell that a match between two out of three ain’t bad, just like a red-wood with a dead branch and a couple good ones left proves that two out of tree ain’t bad. I wanted this to be so much more, but at least it was worth the brief time we got with it.

Match #2: Lucha House Party def. Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro have a huge Champions vs. Champions Match ahead on next week’s Raw, but Lucha House Party were waiting for them on Friday night. The SmackDown Tag Team Champions were clicking early, as Nakamura landed a knee to the back of the neck and then Cesaro hit a gut-wrench throw. With the SmackDown Tag Team Champions in control, The Street Profits dropped in on the Titantron and showed off the party they were throwing from “The Champions Lounge.” With Nakamura and Cesaro distracted, Kalisto swooped in to roll up The Swiss Cyborg for the shocking win.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was just a few minutes. What the hell is going on here? This was actually good, but it got Old Yellered to death before the dog could bark at the mail-man…hairy fukker that he is. Kiss my ass, Vince McMahon.

Match #3: Nikki Cross def. Alexa Bliss, Tamina & Lacey Evans – Fatal 4-Way Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After Bayley outlined her thinking for the heinous attack on Sasha Banks, Nikki Cross came rushing out ready to earn a title opportunity. The SmackDown Women’s Champion didn’t part without dishing out a steel chair strike to Cross. The passion was evident from the start as the four challengers seemed ready to overcome Bayley after all had been stymied by Bayley over the past year. Alexa Bliss appeared back to her old self early, but the new-look Superstar shocked everyone in the WWE ThunderDome with a Sister Abigail on Cross. After the stunning move, Bliss appeared to be called to the exit like a moth to a flame and exited the match in a trance. With only three remaining in the match, Lacey Evans connected with a moonsault on Tamina and appeared headed for victory. Cross finally gathered herself and broke up the pin to spoil The Sassy Southern Belle’s title hopes. Cross, Evans and Tamina all delivered huge moments, but when Tamina whiffed on a Superkick, Cross struck with a Sunset Flip for the pin.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – Cross carried this sucker and had a little help from the other three…but doesn’t like baseball cards…YEET! I used “yeet”. I’m hip now. He/She/It/Us describes me perfectly…on acid. This match, with its excellent Cross performance, was like Hershey Chocolate’s newest product, the fudge-packed cocoa syrup that bursts from one end into another with flavor and flair for your kids to enjoy: HERSHEY SQUIRTS (smell varies based on current diet). Bliss did Sister Abigail to Cross and Tamina yanked Fay Wray out of her apartment while climbing to the top of the Empire State Building. Lacey fell on her ass when she was supposed to, so that was cool. As matches go, this was decent, but a bit too short for my taste…

Match #4: Otis def. John Morrison

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Miz & John Morrison keep trying to trick their way into obtaining the Money in the Bank contract, but Otis keeps outsmarting them at every turn. After a distraction, The Miz grabbed Otis’ lunchbox and took off up the ramp. The Workin’ Man Superstar was undeterred and took out his frustrations on Morrison with a massive splash for the victory. As The Miz & Morrison reconvened backstage, they realized they were once again left holding Otis’ leftovers.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Walter Cronkite: I’m Walter Cronkite. This was terrible. This only went for a minute. What sort of nonsense is this? Wrestling used to be more interesting than this. Lou Thesz could kick any muther-fugger’s ass. I covered the Vietnam War, damn it! I’m a war hero and I’m Sharon Stone’s cousin! I’ll be damned if this show wants to feature a wrestling match that only goes a minute and a half because the putz running it has the attention span of a seagull. I invented the wheel and pounded that ass! I demand that a major singles match is treated with the proper respect it deserves. BREAKING NEWS: This match pissed me off!

Match #5: (Main Event) Roman Reigns & Jey Uso def. Sheamus & King Corbin

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

As Roman Reigns and Jey Uso bonded early in the night over The Bloodline, Sheamus & King Corbin both entered to voice their displeasure with the outcome of last week’s Fatal 4-Way Match that punched Uso’s ticket for WWE Clash of Champions for a Universal Title Match agaisnt his cousin. Uso stepped up and laid down a challenge for the two antagonizing Superstars and had his hands full early. With Reigns absent at the start, Uso was put on the run with attacks from The Celtic Warrior and Corbin. Uso fought off his towering opponents valiantly, but Sheamus appeared to finally have the smaller competitor. With The Big Dog’s cousin on the ropes, his music finally echoed through the WWE ThunderDome inside the Amway Center, and Uso started a huge rally. Reigns tagged himself in to strike with one final, crushing Spear on Sheamus for the win. A stern look from Reigns after the match left uncertainty about the strength of The Bloodline. One thing was perfectly clear: Reigns is working smarter, not harder since his return.

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This had a little action, but this was mostly just Jey selling…hardly compelling. Roman did his lazy heel routine, which works well, but is still boring at this point. It was nice to see a WWE storyline stay in place for an entire match, as Roman never really looked like he wanted to be there, but did show some modicum of support for his relative. Nobody gave a bad performance here, but nobody gave a great performance either, like the entire cast of Beverly Hills, 90210 (EAT SH*T!). All in all, the idea that Roman is still sort of a face, but mostly a heel was in effect here and it worked out well, like having a wang made of pizza. As a match, this was instantly forgettable (like all of Air Supply’s songs), but of decent quality overall.

News Of The Night:

  1. Bayley admitted she’s been using Sasha Banks to become a multi-champion, but only because she knew Sasha had been using her for years.
  2. Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman laid out good angle with Jey Uso, where Roman pushed for Jey to get the title shot, but secretly because he thinks he can beat him easily.
  3. The Miz and John Morrison tried to steal the Money In The Bank contract, but they just stole another lunch from Otis again.

Final Verdict: 1.8/5

This sucked, apart from the main angle of Roman/Jey and the opener, but it was criminally under-booked. That 2.5 billion dollar contract that Rupert Murdoch signed with Vince McMahon to get this show on FOX is looking a bit too steep these days.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.