10th Sep2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Sept 9th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have the fallout from All Out and it’s…a whore-house on fire from the rump rash? There were several good matches on All Out, but the bad (three 0 matches and Matt Hardy’s injury debacle) just brought the show down to some-thing I just couldn’t rate well at all. If you disagree, then I won’t hold it against you. For a lot of people, All Out was a huge hit, but to me, it was just shit. Well, I’m walking into this hoping that this show is good so I can give it a good review, so…

Match #1: Jurassic Express def. The Lucha Bros.

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Jungle Boy charged in and took down Rey Fenix with a springboard arm drag. Rey Fenix matched it by walking the ropes and taking Jungle Boy to the mat with a deep arm drag of his own! Penta El Zero M tagged in and hoisted Rey Fenix and dropped him hard onto Jungle Boy with an assisted wheelbarrow splash! Luchasaurus tagged in and he and Jungle Boy connected with tandem offense on Lucha El Zero M, including a flatliner from Jungle Boy and thunderous chops from Luchasaurus! Jungle Boy hit a tope suicida on Rey Fenix! Jungle Boy climbed back up on the ring apron but Penta El Zero M pushed him, sending him flying directly into a superkick from Rey Fenix who was out on the floor! Luchasaurus tagged in and isolated Rey Fenix, planting him hard on the canvas. Luchasaurus choke slammed Rey Fenix from off the top rope and then followed up with a standing moonsault! Penta El Zero M broke up the pin attempt by Luchasaurus! Penta El Zero M tagged in and hit a sling blade on Luchasaurus and then a backstabber on Jungle Boy! They hooked Jungle Boy and smashed him with the double foot stomp, but Jungle Boy kicked out before the 3-count! This was amazing! Jungle Boy rolled up Rey Fenix for victory after the Lucha Bros accidentally took one another out with an errant Canadian destroyer! After the match Rey Fenix and Penta El Zero M started shoving one another out of frustration. The Butcher and the Blade jumped in the ring to break things up. Eddie Kingston got on the microphone and ordered the Lucha Bros to knock it off and shake hands. Penta El Zero M pushed away Rey Fenix. Kingston commanded Penta El Zero M to shake his brother’s hands. They finally listened.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – These two teams crammed a lot of tight, quick action into nearly ten minutes of wrestling. Everybody looked good here, like Kevin Costner in “The Big Chill” (think about it). Jungle Boy and Pentagon were the stars of this fight, throwing each other around like Kim Kardashian in Kayne West’s Ricochet Room…bounce bitch! There’s never a dull moment in this sucker, especially when you get to the center of the Tootsie Pop. By the way, it takes 267 licks for normal people and four for whores. All involved worked hard and made the whole thing a blast for the decent time it got, but I wanted more from this (longer, more psychology, etc.).

Match #2: Orange Cassidy def. Angelico

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Angelico was punishing Cassidy with wristlocks. Angelico linked fingers with Cassidy and then captured his arms, applying a submission hold. Cassidy went for a swinging DDT but Angelico countered and cranked back with another submission hold before Orange reached the ropes for a ref break. Cassidy went flying with an elbow suicida and followed up with a diving crossbody. He shot through with a swinging DDT on Angelico! He turned the lights out on Angelico after the Orange Punch, scoring the pin! Santana and Ortiz jumped Cassidy from behind and assaulted him with the madball loaded sock! Trent and Chuck Taylor—Best Friends—stormed the ring to help their buddy Orange and run off the assailants! Best Friends said next week they are going to meet Santana and Ortiz in the parking lot!

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – Anita Bryant beat the vagoyngaschmiddly out of Angelico, but not before they could tie up and do a test of strength that looked legitimate and smart, like a lion banging an antelope. Shut up, you piddly-ass side-winder! There are some nice locks and transitions on display here that I enjoyed and was drawn in by. Zach Sabre Jr. would be proud…or hate it. I sure do like biting things. In the name of Progulavenirogavalupadanoogalamandaneebamamabandolalaneegulladadanallados, this was a match that felt like a Festivus for the rest of us, because it was careful and cool, like Richard Nixon when he plotted to destroy the hippies.

Match #3: Chris Jericho and Jake Hager def. Joey Janela and Sonny Kiss

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Janela took it to Jericho with rapid offense from Jump Street! He tagged in Sonny Kiss and they dropped Jericho neck-first on the top rope with Eddie Gilbert’s Hot Shot! Kiss cleaned Jericho’s clock with a big kick. Sonny Kiss and Joey Janela blasted Jericho and Hager with stereo shotgun dropkicks! Janela drove Jericho into the barricades after a tope suicida! Janela swatted Jericho with a steel chair! Janela ran and rocketed off the folding chair but Jericho caught him! Jericho slammed Janela down on top of the chair like a sack of cement! Jericho and Hager set up a table on the outside of the ring. Hager tried to pick up Janela for the powerbomb but Janela countered and rammed Hager’s back into the ring post instead! Jericho tagged in and charged Janela but Janela avoided him, pushing Jericho headfirst into a steel chair that had been wedged in between turnbuckles! On the ramp Jericho catapulted Janela into Hager, who then pitched him down below onto the table! Sonny Kiss came off the top rope with a crossbody block onto Hager and Jericho, who were on the ramp! Sonny followed up with “Axes and O’s” on Jericho and then dropped Hager with the rolling elbow. Sonny Kiss climbed to the top rope but Jericho blindsided Sonny by shooting a fire extinguisher at him! Hager finished Sonny with a head and arm suplex, and then scored the pin!

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was a good way to waste some time. Hager put Janela through a table because…screw Matt Hardy! Who cares if Janela hits his head on the ground in the same way as Matt? Also, screw Kiss! I get Jericho and Hager winning, but Janela and Kiss are at the point where a win over this might have done a bit for them…so fukk them! Pass the crack and get ready to rate this decent match with plenty of big spots at the end with a 3.2 because…screw Matt Hardy!

Match #4: Nyla Rose (w/ Vickie Guerrero) def. Tay Conti

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Conti charged Nyla, but Nyla halted her, running her into the turnbuckles. Conti followed up with martial arts style kicks and then brought Nyla to the mat with a kneebar. Nyla gouged Conti’s face, freeing herself, and then tossed Conti outside the ring. Vicki Guerrero was waiting there and got in some cheap shots on Conti. Conti jumped off the top rope, trying for a sunset flip, but Nyla outpowered her. Nyla picked her up and slammed her down to the mat. Conti surprised Nyla with another armbar, but Nyla pinned Conti after a vicious Beast Bomb! Nyla attempted to continue the assault after the match, but Shida sprinted out with her kendo stick. Shida helped Conti to her feet while Vicki and Rose retreated.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was mostly a long squash that…a squash? …a squash?! …A SQUASH?! …SQUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! DAAAAAAMMMMMMNNNNNNN IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!! Wait, this was actually okay. Tay got some good offense on Nyla and both sold well for each other. This match may have been stuck in first gear, but it never grinded the gears either.

Match #5: (Main Event) Brodie Lee def. Dustin Rhodes – TNT Championship Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

As Justin Roberts was introducing Brodie Lee, Dustin Rhodes attacked “The Exalted One.” They brawled around the ringside area, with Dustin getting the better of Brodie! John Silver was sacrificed, as he was pushed by Brodie into Dustin. “The Natural” had no problem dishing out a heavy thrust kick to Silver! Dustin dropped big right hands on Brodie in the corner. He chopped away at the leader of the Dark Order. Brodie had enough and gouged Dustin’s eyes! Brodie catapulted Dustin, sling-shotting him throat-first into the bottom rope! Rhodes rallied back with a bulldog headlock. Dustin connected with a beautiful powerslam! Dustin nailed Brodie with a Canadian destroyer! He followed up with CrossRhodes for a near fall on the champ! Brodie rocked Dustin with a kick to the head and then a powerbomb for a two-count on “the Natural”! Brodie charged Dustin but the challenger moved! Dustin followed up with a cannonball senton and then the “Unnatural” kick on Mr. Brodie Lee! Dustin stunned Brodie with a piledriver, but Brodie Lee grabbed the bottom rope just in time to break the ref’s count! They slugged it out but Dustin put an exclamation at the end of the sentence with a lariat! Brodie countered with two thrust kicks and then the discus lariat to pin Dustin! The Dark Order joined Mr. Brodie Lee to celebrate in the ring. They carried a fallen QT Marshall on their shoulders and dropped him at the feet of “the Exalted One.” Mr. Brodie Lee yelled at Colt Cabana and told him to leave the ring.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – Sweet Tits! This was a pretty good match! WAWAWAWA! I HATE YOU GUYS! WAWAWAWA! ESPECIALLY KENNY! WAWAWAWA! You’re a nut! Lee and Rhodes had a good ol’ smack-around and I liked it. This bad boy was fought from way down deep from bell to bell, with Rhodes blasting the cool beans out of Lee’s hairy ass by slugging away at the man who crippled his brother. Turkey Sandwich! What color is blue? Where am I? I loved watching these two big, tall towers of power shower strikes down on each other like The Kennedy family did to the touched girl in their family by lobotomizing her for falling in love. Lee chose to rain pain upon his immediate rival like it was Wheel Of Fortune in Alabama. I’d like to buy my foot up your ass, Pat! As prize fights go, Lee did well to look like a legitimate champion, but Rhodes made him earn it at the same time. Overall this was a fine main event.

News Of The Night:

  1. Chris Jericho and MJF are teased to feud, based on them lying to each other while secretly hating each other.
  2. MJF fired all of his campaign team for him losing, cussed them all out and got back on the same page with Wardlow when he threatened to not give him more money.
  3. Ricky Starks cut a promo on Darby Allin that was great and set up Stark’s resentment of Allin’s hardcore ways.
  4. Miro (Rusev) joined AEW as…Kip Sabian’s best man…from one wedding angle to another…poor bastard.
  5. Matt Hardy will return when he is healthy and pursue the AEW World Title.
  6. Lance Archer and Jake Roberts cut a great promo on Archer ripping Jon Moxley to pieces for the World Title.
  7. Jon Moxley cut a promo on Lance Archer, his next challenger for the World Title.
  8. Cody [Rhodes] big announcement was that he is a judge on new game show competition called “The Go Big Show” which has Jennifer Nettles, Snoop Dogg and Rosario Dawson as Cody’s fellow judges. They will judge various extreme talent acts for a grand prize of $100,000. Bert Kartheiser will be the host of this game show that got…the last three minutes of air time to tell us about this. Are you kidding me?
  9. Hikaru Shida and Nyla Rose are still being teased for an AEW Women’s Title match.
  10. The Young Bucks attacked Alex Marvez with a dual Super-Kick.
  11. Kenny Omega and Adam Page were each interviewed, with Omega ready for singles competition (seemingly as a face) and Page wanting to make amends for allowing FTR to corrupt him.
  12. Thunder Rosa will defend her NWA Women’s Championship against Ivelisse on next week’s episode.
  13. FTR will face Jurassic Express in a non-title match, next week.
  14. Best Friends will battle Santana & Ortiz in a Parking Lot Brawl, next week.
  15. Jon Moxley will fight Lance Archer for the AEW World Title on the anniversary show come October 14th.
  16. A one-hour Dynamite happens next Wednesday after the NBA Playoff game.
  17. A regular episode of Dynamite airs next Thursday.
  18. Chris Jericho and Jake Hager fight Private Party, next week.
  19. MJF wrestles, next week.
  20. Adam Page fights Frankie Kazarian, next week.
  21. Brodie Lee is punishing Colt Cabana for blowing the victory at All Out.
  22. Dynamite may just be a two hour broadcast on Wednesday if the NBA game gets done early or is cancelled.

Final Verdict: 2.7/5

About a quarter of this show went to the wrestling and the rest went to the talking. There was less comedy this week, but still way too much non-wrestling stuff. This feels like a better version of the current Raw, but that’s not much of a compliment.

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