01st Sep2020

WWE Raw – Aug 31st 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s WWE Monday Night Raw review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I’ve got a Rolls Royce stuck up my ass. It ain’t eazay beein cheezay. On this episode of “Alain Delon Pees Sexy”, we’ve got more Randy Orton to make you beg for a long walk off a short peer. Okay Dr. Putz, let’s watch some wrestling instead of scratching our nuts.

Match #1: Keith Lee def. Dolph Ziggler – Spot In The Triple Threat Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Dolph Ziggler threw everything he had at Keith Lee, but The Limitless One was nearly unstoppable, and he put The Showoff down for the three-count with a huge Spirit Bomb to advance once step closer to his first WWE Championship opportunity.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Lee smashed Ziggler good. This was a squash and…a squash? A…SQUASH?! A…no, I’m gonna hold myself together. Lee won and should have, which is the way it should be.

Match #2: Mickie James def. Lana

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The brawl quickly turned into a match between James and The Ravishing Russian. With The Empress of Tomorrow watching, Mickie made her case for a title opportunity by putting away Lana with the Mick Kick.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Lana looked alright here, but James was the big thing here, turning back the clock and looking like it was 2006 all over again. This was just a few minutes, but James looked tough, so it worked.

Match #3: Randy Orton def. Kevin Owens – Spot In The Triple Threat Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Kevin Owens never had a chance. Before he even made it to the ring, KO was ambushed by Aleister Black, who dropped him with Black Mass. Still, KO demanded to fight The Viper, despite the referee’s insistence, and he even landed a few strikes. But Orton soon dropped Owens with an RKO to cement his place in the Triple Threat Match and get one step closer to a rematch with Drew McIntyre.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This was a squash that went a minute.

Match #4: Cedric Alexander & The Viking Raiders def. The Hurt Business

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

MVP has pleaded with Cedric Alexander to join The Hurt Business, saying only good things will happen for him if he does. Cedric proved he doesn’t need MVP in his corner, pinning the former United States Champion to get the win for his team.

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – Well, they hit each other for a while. I didn’t get much out of this, but so is such for a man who once ate an air mattress. THB looked mean here, while Cedric won, but not convincingly so. Omar Sharif could talk the pants off me and this was okay.

Match #5: The Riott Squad def. The IIconics – All Or Nothing: Career Vs. Glory

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Everything was on the line in this battle, where the winning team gets a crack at WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions Shayna Baszler & Nia Jax, and the losing team was no more. Despite a shaky beginning to their reunion, Ruby Riott & Liv Morgan got on the same page when it mattered most. Ruby Riott came out on top of a series of pinning predicaments with Billie Kay, getting the three-count and putting an end to The IIconics’ partnership, which dates back to high school for the two Australians. Billie Kay & Peyton Royce did not take the loss well, throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the WWE ThunderDome.

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – The IIconics are now split, thanks to a lame match that did very little to keep you interested. At least Ruby won though.

Match #6: Seth Rollins def. Dominik Mysterio – Spot In The Triple Threat Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Monday Night Messiah tore into his disciple, Murphy, before the match, placing the blame for their loss at WWE Payback on his shoulders and booting him from ringside before the match. Not wanting to take any chances, Dominik Mysterio dropped Murphy from behind before rushing to the ring to go right after Rollins. The son of Rey Mysterio brought the fight to The Monday Night Messiah, hoping not only to get payback for his family, but also to move closer to earning a WWE Championship opportunity mere weeks into his WWE career. But it was not meant to be. After Rollins evaded a frog splash from the rookie, The Monday Night Messiah connected with a Stomp to get the victory and advance to the Triple Threat Match. Rollins only made things worse after the bell, connecting with another Stomp on Dominik.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was the best match of the show, thanks to both fighters delivering enough to enjoy. Oh God, they’re singing! What the hell is going on in my town? Seth smacked Dominik around like it was Kwanzaa at Anna Nicole Smith’s house. If you like big spots and dives, then you’ve got a friend in morphine… and this match. These two can work together as much as they like, because the matches are damn good.

Match #7: The Street Profits vs. Andrade & Angel Garza (No Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The next chapter in the rivalry between Raw Tag Team Champions The Street Profits and Andrade & Angel Garza was brought to an abrupt end with the arrival of RETRIBUTION. As the lights flickered, Angel Garza grabbed Demi Burnett and bolted out of the arena, leaving Angelo Dawkins, Montez Ford, Andrade and Zelina Vega to be picked apart by the masked mob.

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – Before this could really get going, RETRIBUTION phucked it up…phuckerin phuckatash! Well, at least Angel got to do his evil hip routine…psycho swivel! Okay, I didn’t pay attention to this, because I was selling hemp to monkeys, but it had an interference ending, so how good could it be?

Match #8: (Main Event) Randy Orton def. Keith Lee and Seth Rollins – Triple Threat Match For A WWE Championship Match At WWE Clash Of Champions

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Keith Lee found himself fighting seemingly insurmountable odds, as Seth Rollins and Randy Orton formed an alliance to take him out. However, The Monday Night Messiah may have been too trusting of The Viper, who quickly planted Rollins into the canvas with a DDT as soon as they thought Lee was neutralized at ringside. But The Limitless One did not stay down after being driven into the announcers’ table, chasing Orton down and pouncing him into the guardrail, then snatching The Monday Night Messiah out of mid-air and hurling him over the table, showing why there is no Superstar like him. Lee looked to have his first WWE Title Match wrapped up after driving Rollins into the mat with the Spirit Bomb, but The Apex Predator struck Lee down with an RKO out of nowhere, then pinned Rollins, snatching the golden opportunity out of Lee’s hands and setting himself up for a rematch with WWE Champion Drew McIntyre.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was okay, with some nice Lee power spots at the end to save it. I think this went about ten minutes, but Inna Gadda Da Vida, who’s got time to Knowa Da Tima? Well, Lee didn’t win, but he didn’t look like a loser, so that’s the bomb, yo! Overall, this match was decent at best, but at least my bra fits.

News Of The Night:

  1. Raw Underground had Jessamyn Duke and Marina Shafir hitting people, Titus O’Neil looking cool and losing to Riddick Moss, Apollo Crews fighting Shelton Benjamin and Peyton Royce feeding Billie Kay to Duke and Shafir.
  2. R-Truth won back the 24/7 Title from Akira Tozawa.
  3. The Hurt Business attacked Cedric Alexander.
  4. Seth Rollins attacked Dominik Mysterio to piss off Rey Mysterio.
  5. Randy Orton will challenge Drew McIntyre for the WWE World Title at Clash of Champions.

Final Verdict: 2/5

This was bogus.


Comments are closed.