05th Aug2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Aug 4th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Larry Csonka’s family still has their Go Fund Me page still up here. Wrestle House pisses me off, because it’s just stupid comedy and bad wrestling. You wanna go to Makawaka, Texas and get some weed? …no you don’t, because weed will make your juevos burst! Okay, we’ve got another title defense of the Impact and TNA World Titles, so strap on your big, gold belt and get ready to rock.

Match #1: Moose def. Heath – TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match For Heath’s Roster Spot

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The action spills to the outside in the early going. Heath drives Moose into the steel guardrail, then the ring post. Moose turns the tide when he drops Heath throat first on the top rope. Moose hits a big dropkick for two. Moose remains in control with a strong Irish whip into the corner. Heath delivers a flurry of strikes to finally get the big man off his feet. Heath inadvertently sends Moose crashing into the referee. Heath hits the Wake Up Call and has Moose pinned for three, but the referee is knocked out. Moose hits a low blow as the referee recovers to pin Heath for the win.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This turned out quite well considering that there isn’t that much wrestling in here. This was very much the WWE house style, with a bit of the classic American technique thrown in. You can expect as many Irish Whips here as there are in O’Shite’s House Of Spank (ain’t nobody better than Glyfynedrella…rrrrrraaaahhhhh). Heath kept the pace going as steady as a knife thrown by Michael J. Fox (Like…ZOINKS!!!!!). Moose hurt Heath’s face worse than his (allegedly) last girlfriend (Moose can’t get no WWE job because…WHAM!!!!!). Heath was as aggressive and ferocious here as he was in that story where he (allegedly) tried to joke and screw his own security guard. Can I be honest with you? Reviewing this match makes me a bit uncomfortable because of all of the, you know, perversion claims against these guys. I am gonna choose to believe that they are innocent, but my eye is still peeled on these babaganooshes. Anyway, the match itself was quite good for one so short and so absent of any wrestling, so I’ll give it the ol’ seal of approval…a clubbed seal of approval (Ain’t so cute now!).

Match #2: Eddie Edwards def. Sami Callihan – IMPACT World Championship Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

These two are set to renew a storied rivalry here tonight. Eddie hits a Tiger Driver right out of the gate for two. Both men exchange dives to the outside, sending each other crashing into the steel guardrail. Callihan delivers a sick piledriver on the ring apron. Callihan continues his beatdown outside the ring as he looks to inflict pain on the World Champion. Eddie shows signs of life by hitting a Blue Thunder Bomb. Callihan comes right back with a Brainbuster for another near fall. Callihan thinks he has the match won when he hits yet another Piledriver but Eddie gets his foot on the rope. Callihan grabs a steel chair but thinks twice before using it. As he throws it to the floor, Eddie connects with back-to-back Boston Knee Parties to win.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This turned out excellent, with Sami doing his “I’m gonna bite ya’!” routine the whole time while Eddie wore…neon-green shorts? Ms. Chokesondick would not approve of those neon-green shorts. While not the best match either man has ever wrestled, this was a mean, rough brawl with enough shots fired to make Waco, Texas take notice. Eddie still did his soccer-mom thighs fighting-technique the whole time, which he works well with, if I’m being honest. Sami still has this maniac appeal to him that also explains why Charles Manson got laid (sick freak). If you don’t like brawling, then this match is gonna piss you off. I hope the next match is more in line with Eddie’s technical wrestling skills, because these brawls, while fun, are not what I was hoping for from Eddie’s latest title reign.

Match #3: (Main Event) TJP & Fallah Bahh def. Chris Bey & Rohit Raju

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Rohit Raju has been stirring up a rivalry between TJP and current X-Division Champion, Chris Bey. Fallah hits Rohit with a big belly-to-belly suplex. Rohit uses innovative attacks to prevent TJP from making the tag, capping things off with a vicious running knee. TJP connects with a tornado DDT on Bey, allowing him to create space and make the tag to Fallah. The big man charges, squashing Rohit in the corner. Fallah goes for one more but it costs him as Rohit counters with another running knee. TJP hits a springboard forearm on Bey. TJP is about to fly but Rohit holds him up, allowing Bey to avoid the Swanton. Bey attempts his signature springboard cutter but TJP catches him the cross arm-breaker, forcing the champ to submit.

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – When Bey and TJP were in here together, this match was great. Bahh and Raju were in here the other half of the time, so whole the quality went down, it never dipped below any-thing worth watching either. Bey and TJP should make for a fine singles match down the line, which seems to be what is being teased here, courtesy of the finish.

News Of The Night:

  1. EC3 is coming for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship…to destroy it (what a bitch).
  2. Rich Swann “retired” (could be fake) and was attacked by Eric Young while still in crutches.
  3. Rosemary created Wrestle House to get John E Bravo to agree to nail her.
  4. Wrestle House had more dumb matches, including a decent one with Kylie Rae and Rosemary.
  5. The Motor City Machine Guns had an interview with Jimmy Jacobs where they detailed their return, only for The North to bitch their way to a World Tag Title re-match.
  6. Rob Van Dam attacked Sami Callihan before he could start his match with Eddie Edwards.
  7. Ace Austin got Doc Gallows arrested for possession of alcohol and beat the woogies out of Karl Anderson when he retaliated against Ace for his earlier crime.
  8. Kimber Lee will try to destroy Jordynne Grace in an effort to gain her Knockout’s Title shot against Deonna Purrazzo.
  9. A two-week event called Emergence happens near the end of August on IMPACT on AXS TV.
  10. Brian Myers is coming soon to IMPACT Wrestling.
  11. Havok & Nevaeh fight Kiera Hogan & Tasha Steelz in a No Disqualification match, next week.
  12. Eddie Edwards will defend the IMPACT World Title, next week.
  13. Hernandez hired Reno Scum to destroy Rhino and get his money back.

Final Verdict: 3/5

This was a decent show that had some good wrestling, but not enough of it to be a great show. The Rich Swann retirement, if legitimate (likely not), was well done and emotional. Eric Young as Rich’s angel of death is an interesting angle, as well as Willie Mack going after Young for ending Swann’s career.


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