08th Jul2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (July 7th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and on this episode of “Unsolved Mysteries”, we check in with Robert Stack and why his voice always sounded like that…you know…UUUUUAAAAAAAHHHHHH…that. Well, as we escort our daughter to the dance, let’s talk about the matches from this card…NO! You are not leaving this house dressed like that! You are not a whor…NO! Put your tongue back in your mou…NO! Don’t mouth-off! Have some respect fo…NO! Impact Wrestling starts…NO! Katie, what the hell is wrong with you?! Not the toaster!

Match #1: Kylie Rae & Susie def. Rosemary & Taya Valkyrie w/ John E Bravo

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Rosemary berates Susie for helping her get her powers back and says Susie is acting like an “idiotic, little child”. The fight is on as Susie launches Rosemary out of the corner. Kylie offers her hand to Taya as a sign of friendly competition but the former longest-reigning Knockouts Champion wants no part of that. Rosemary knees the back of Susie from the apron, allowing Taya to take control with a clothesline. Rosemary locks in the Upside Down on Susie, followed by strong running knees from Wera Loca. Taya hits Kylie with a Spear, then a Northern Lights suplex for two. Rosemary gets sent to the floor and Bravo is concerned she’s injured. Kylie locks in Smile to the Finish off the distraction and forces Taya to tap.

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was a nice way to wrap together a couple of angles for storytelling purposes, but the match was dull in the sense of it wasn’t exciting or a sandwich (horse on rye). The wrestling was a lot of that kinetic brawling thing that Bray Wyatt does, but without the freaky PBS motif. There was not as much action here as I would have liked, but that’s what I always say after a date (because I suck). This was an opener and that is that.

Match #2: The Deaners (Cody Deaner & Cousin Jake) def. Reno Scum (Adam Thornstowe & Luster the Legend), XXXL (Acey Romero & Larry D) & TJP & Fallah Bahh

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Chaos erupts from the opening bell as all four teams battle it out at the same time. Jake launches himself over the top rope, taking out everyone on the floor. Cody connects with a strong neckbreaker on Acey. The match begins to break down again as everyone gets involved. It culminates with Acey taking out Luster with a huge running crossbody. Reno Scum continue to wear down Cody on their side of the ring. TJP and Fallah brawl to the back with Reno Scum. The Deaners and XXXL are the remaining teams in the ring as Jake puts Larry away with a swinging slam.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – This was a slow, cumbersome match that was too crowded to make as much sense as it should have, but that’s how it goes with a match with so many people. TJP did well here, with Bahh playing psycho gum-drop extraordinaire quite well as well. Reno Scum did not have another good outing here, but I have faith that they will get back to their progress in future weeks. Every team in here did some nice moves, but it wasn’t enough to save this cockatoo from being a dickathree.

Match #3: Jordynne Grace def. Kimber Lee

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Jordynne goes for the Grace Driver in the early going but Lee bites her finger to fight it off. This angers Grace as she hits a strong Spinebuster for two. Lee connects with an Enzuigiri, then chokes Grace on the bottom rope to gain control. Lee delivers a stiff forearm but Grace comes right back with a Michinoku Driver. Lee soars through the air with a top rope Swanton for a near fall. Lee attempts to use the brass knuckles but Grace blocks and hits the Grace Driver to win.

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This was a bit sluggish in a few spots, but Grace was always as fierce as the mighty buffalo or the Victoria Secret at the buffet. This felt more like a commercial for Grace being tough, but Lee did get some nice offense in (as she should). All in all, this just felt like an excuse to remind people that Grace was still the champion, rather than a chance to make two skilled pros look formidable.

Match #4: Willie Mack def. Suicide (Johnny Swinger) – X-Division Championship Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

After stealing Suicide’s attire so that he could accompany Chris Bey to ringside at Slammiversary, Swinger now finds himself in Suicide’s scheduled match against Willie Mack for the X-Division Championship. Swinger has a tough time emulating the offensive style of Suicide and it costs him. Willie makes quick work of “Swinger-cide” with the Stunner.

My Opinion: 1.2 out of 5 – This was a goofy squash that saw Swinger get his ass whipped by Mack, who looked good here. If you like a minute or so of the Swing-Man getting smacked around like me in a washing machine, then this will be your thing.

Match #5: (Main Event) Sami Callihan def. Josh Alexander w/ Ethan Page

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Alexander gets sent into the steel guardrail and Callihan follows up with a running boot. Callihan continues the assault with a Death Valley Driver on the floor. Page distracts Callihan, allowing Alexander to take control with a suplex on the apron. Callihan connects with a modified Brainbuster for two. Alexander sends Callihan for a ride with his signature spinning slam. Alexander locks in the Ankle Lock, sending a message to Ken Shamrock. Callihan fights back with a sick Piledriver on the apron but somehow, Alexander kicks out. Page charges at Callihan but inadvertently takes out the referee. Shamrock makes the save, locking in the Ankle Lock on Page. Callihan connects with another Piledriver on Alexander to win.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – While neither man’s finest hour, this was a decent, lively reminder that these two have a lot going on with their wrestling skills. The interference got in the way of the match, but at least that all went by quickly. This was fun and that’s all I can really think of for this. Maybe next time, we’ll get a match that goes a bit longer and has less junk in it.

News Of The Night:

  1. On July 18th at Slammiversary, a former World Champion will return and he will not be alone.
  2. Tommy Dreamer fights Moose for the TNA World Title at Slammiversary in an Old School Rules match.

Final Verdict: 3/5

This was over and done with without any offenses to the senses, but it also wasn’t remarkable enough to really remember as soon as it was done.

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