06th Jul2020

Friday Night Smackdown – July 3rd 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Friday Night SmackDown review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and you can blow it out your ass! Ken Burns is not directing this tight-ass yokohama, so there ain’t no talkin’ about the…you maniacs! You blew it up! God-Damn you! God-Damn you all to Hell…of a good episode of SmackDown! If you can follow that whole paragraph, you like booze and blow.

Match #1: Matt Riddle def. John Morrison

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The “new guy” on the blue brand got a rude welcome from King Corbin, as the royal competitor orchestrated a matchup between Matt Riddle and John Morrison. The Guru of Greatness seemed to have The Original Bro finished on multiple occasions, but Riddle continued to persevere. Riddle clinched the victory with a clever roll-up, but AJ Styles emerged to deliver a message of his own to the newcomer as he exited up the ramp.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – This was damn good. For a potential perv, Riddle sure does know how to kick ass. Riddle me this: Hey diddle diddle, my name is Matt Riddle and I can’t play the fiddle, but I sure can piss…what? …a nice hat! These two really focused on one big thrill after another, this match had the goods, like Mary Tyler Moore when she wore those pants…RRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Morrison covered the spectacle and Riddle was the mat master, hacking and grinding away at the abbed one like Batista did to Melina with his Batista Bomb in the hotel room (WWE Clue: on sale now!) These guys fought at a relentless pace that slowed only when it needed to emphasize something important (like One Direction and their Auto-Tune). Overall, I flat-out loved this and I wish I looked as good in my pants as Mary Tyler Moore…RRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Match #2: AJ Styles def. Drew Gulak – Intercontinental Championship Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

AJ Styles attacked Matt Riddle before the start of the Intercontinental Championship showdown, but Drew Gulak was quick to grab his attention back. Gulak was on the offensive early, and Styles was visibly frustrated as he searched for answers. The Phenomenal One found his groove and landed a powerbomb and a Styles Clash but passed up the pin opportunity. Styles wanted to deliver an even more emphatic message and a clinching Phenomenal Forearm allowed him to do just that and helped him retain the Intercontinental Championship.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – This was another fabulous match that made me feel like a pussy for saying “fabulous”. Well, screw it! I do what I want! Rubber-baby-bugger-bumper! There! You didn’t know I was gonna say that, did you?! Anyway, this match was a firm mixture of ground grapples and snappy bursts of…what is this, Jello? Let’s jiggle, honey! AJ gave Gulak more than enough to work with in terms of looking competitive. The transitions were possibly the best part of the whole thing, because they were clever and came out of nowhere…like that chick in front of my car. It’s not my fault! As a prize fight, this was brisk and meaty, like deep-fried buffalo that’s sautéed in eagle blood on a Bengal tiger bun.

Match #3: Bayley def. Alexa Bliss (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The Golden Role Models were in the midst of a tribute to themselves when Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross emerged to show their displeasure. Sasha Banks gladly offered Bayley the opportunity to take on Bliss and set the tone for her showdown with Cross at The Horror Show at Extreme Rules. Banks and Cross couldn’t help but get in the mix, as Cross attacked the SmackDown Women’s Champion, which led to the disqualification of Bliss.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – Far too short for its own good, this was a hard-edged smack-around that really knocked me for a loop. I wasn’t expecting this to be so aggressive, but I liked it. Hell, Bayley was wearing her street clothes and this was still a hit. I mean, this had a DQ finish and it still kicked ass! I used to draw pictures of psycho cheerleaders and this match had the fierce action it needed, like Bingo night at the old-folks home.

Match #4: (Main Event) Shinsuke Nakamura def. Kofi Kingston

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro have been determined to earn respect in the blue brand tag team division, and The King of Strong Style made a big statement against Kofi Kingston. Big E and Cesaro were ejected from ringside after both got involved in the match with some extracurricular activities. Nakamura displayed guts and will by kicking out after numerous strikes from the former WWE Champion and used a vicious Running Knee to grab the win.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – These guys really got to the point here, whoopin’ the bejeebles out of each other. Shinsuke and Kofi pummeled each other like no tomorrow…bitch. There was no nonsense here and that made me feel like the prettiest girl in my own mind. All in all, this was some good shit and that’s all you can hope for from a main event…

News Of The Night:

  1. Matt Riddle Vince Russo’ed an interview about his life, until Baron Corbin did his best impression of a teenage girl on steroids.
  2. Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross ruined a fun promo where Sasha Banks and Bayley gloated over being better than The Undertaker.
  3. Jeff Hardy had to do another stupid promo with Sheamus, this time featuring Jeff avoiding drinking and beating the shit out of the bartender.
  4. The Bray Wyatt/Braun Strowman match from a month or so ago will be shown, next week.
  5. Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross fight Sasha Banks and Bayley, next week.
  6. The New Day fight Shinsuke Nakamura and Cesaro for the SmackDown Tag Team Titles, next week.

Final Verdict: 4.1/5

This was damn good. The dumb promos took the rating down some, but the wrestling was top-notch, like underwear on a camel.


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