27th May2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (May 26th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…the f— if I know. Well, the #1 Contender’s Tournament continues here, so there’s that. Gordon Ramsey is an asshole. There…I feel better. Are you ready to Space Jam? Well, that’s f—— stupid. Space Jam is a movie, not a thing to do. Any-way, I’m on the run from the law, for Kissing Jessica Stein. IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!!! That’s a Snitsky joke. His teeth were painted yellow for a cancelled push. IT’S NOT HIS FAULT!!!!

Match #1: Ace Austin def. Hernandez – #1 Contenders Tournament Semi Final

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Ace avoids Hernandez in the corner, then connects with a springboard kick. Hernandez turns the tide with a big press slam. Ace dives through the ropes but Hernandez catches him in mid-air and boxes the ears. Ace connects with a low blow while the referee’s back is turned. Ace continues to target the legs of Hernandez. After a long beat-down, Hernandez hits a series of strikes to build momentum. Hernandez hits a back-breaker for two. Ace counters the Border Toss and clips the knee of Hernandez. Ace hits The Fold to win and advance to the finals.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Ace worked well with Hernandez, who has gotten slower over the years, but still can go when it counts. Hernandez should switch back to traditional ring gear, as his street-hood clothes make him look like a sissy. Hey, they do! Herny (it’s a good nick-name) needs thicker boots and taped-up hands to sell his current look of “slightly over-weight yet still tough looking”. Also, if Herny had gone with a more traditional power-wrestler offensive style, he could have hidden how slow he can be at times. Ace, on the other hand, was firing on all cylinders and really earned his victory. It’s good to see Hernandez again and I hope he makes some adjustments to the way he presents himself, while Ace stays on a roll…a Parker-House roll.

Match #2: Chris Bey w/ Johnny Swinger def. Cousin Jake

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Jake shows off his strength advantage in the early going as he tosses Bey across the ring. Swinger tries to get involved from ringside but Jake makes him pay for it. Bey hits a springboard dropkick to build momentum. Bey connects with a running dropkick in the corner, then distracts the referee while Swinger gets a shot in. Jake avoids a Moonsault, then connects with a strong right hand to Bey’s jaw. Jake hits a vicious driver for two. Jake sends Bey soaring with a huge power-bomb. Swinger causes the distraction from the apron. Jake knocks him down to the floor but Bey capitalizes with the Final Finesse to win.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – Jake has a great look, but his talent isn’t there yet. I would love to see Jake focus on basic mat work and elbows/chops as his offense, but since these wrestlers likely aren’t reading this review (who knows for sure), it’ll be up to him to find a way to take the next step up the ladder of success. I just showed my ass. On the other hand, Bey kicked ass here and made Jake look like one of the best. In the brief time he’s been here, Bey has been worth his weight in gold, silver and every other precious metal you can think of. Bey winning was the right call and should add to the record of a rapidly rising star in Impact Wrestling. Hold on, I sounded too damn caring in this one!

Match #3: Kimber Lee def. Havok (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Lee attacks Havok from behind at the opening bell to gain the early advantage. Lee connects with a series of roundhouse kick. Havok hits a spine-buster, followed by a back-breaker. Havok charges at Lee in the corner with three running boots. Lee rakes the eyes of Havok to create separation. Lee is about to use the brass knuckles once again but Nevaeh hits the ring and stops her, causing the disqualification.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – This wasn’t as good as the last one they had together, but Kimber still looked tough-as-nails. Havok is more like Nia Jax then I would like, but she seems to be tighter in her technique than her WWE counter-part often is. The match ain’t much, but neither is my sense of not being a prick to midgets (little bastards… their crotches are bigger than mine). The Lakotia tribe kicks ass and this match was only decent, Lone Ranger.

Match #4: The North def. Cody Deaner & Wheels – Impact Tag Team Championships Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The North arrive at the Deaner Compound, a remote farm that Ethan Page notes is incredibly far. After a bizarre series of events, Cody Deaner reveals to The North that Wheels is not who they think it is. Wheels reveals himself to the giant of the Deaner family and gives The North more of a fight than they bargained for. With the Tag Team Championships on the line, the two teams brawl all over the farm. Josh Alexander takes out Cody with a Tombstone Piledriver on top of a trailer. This allows The North to double team Wheels in the ring. The North try to attack the referee for a slow count. He fights right back but The North gain the upper-hand. Cody has the match won but there’s no referee. The promoter from The North’s recent string of matches in Canada blindsides Wheels from behind, allowing The North to steal the victory and escape the Deaner Compound with their Tag Team Championships.

My Opinion: 0.8 out of 5 – I hate this cinematic wrestling s—. It was a lousy brawl and a waste of some excellent people. Wheels had a good introduction, but he became tubby punchline long before he could make good on the promise of him smashing The North real good. I have nothing against these guys wrestling this match, but I simply have a problem with these goofy movie matches being seen as the thing to do, when quiet, intense contest that is taken seriously would have a far greater effect.

Match #5: (Main Event) Trey def. Michael Elgin – #1 Contenders Tournament Semi Final

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Both men are very evenly matched in the early going. Trey gains control with a DDT on the floor, followed by a split-legged Moonsault for two. Elgin turns the tide with double knees into the back of Trey. There’s no backing down from Trey but every time he gets up, Elgin takes him back down to the mat. Trey finally gets something going with a jawbreaker. Later on, Trey hits a stunner but Elgin comes right back with a massive clothesline. Trey connects with a series of superkicks, followed by a springboard cutter for a near fall. Elgin attempts a top rope powerbomb but Trey counters into a Hurricanrana. Trey launches himself off the top, Elgin hits him with a mid-air powerbomb. Trey somehow kicks out again as Elgin wonders what he has to do to win. The lights go out and Sami Callihan makes his presence felt. Elgin turns his back to Trey, allowing him to recover. Trey gets Elgin in a pinning predicament to score the huge upset victory and move on to the finals.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This was the Small Soldiers of professional wrestling (I think World War 2 was my favorite war – Phil Hartman). Trey and Elgin worked very well together, matching hold for dive perfectly and really making every move count. This got close to twenty minutes to rock on and rock on it did. Hey, I can say “rock on”! I’m cool, damn it! I’m not a loser! All right, f—-face! Trey weeded his way around the ring like the stoner prince that he is and Elgin went full Anita Bryant on his ass, minus the orange juice. There’s lots of action here to enjoy, which is what being David Niven is all about. Okay, I lost track of what I was saying, but this is a fast, fierce fight that made me forget to make sense throughout this whole review!

News Of The Night:

  1. Here are the matches for next week:
    Rascalz fights TJP and Fallah Bahh
    Keira Hogan and Tasha Steelz fights Kylie Ray and Susie
    Joseph P. Ryan (Joey Ryan) fights Crazzy Steve
    Ace Austin fights Trey – Finals of #1 Contender’s Tournament
  2. Keira Hogan and Tasha Steelz attacked Kylie Ray and Susie.
  3. Rosemary and John E. Bravo are going to sacrifice some-one or some s—.
  4. The Rascalz interviewed Moose in the Treehouse and made fun of him for being a dink.
  5. Deonna Purrazzo, now known as The Virtuosa (who is coming soon to IMPACT Wrestling), cut a promo that focused too much on establishing herself as a genius, rather than a great fighter.

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

The main event and a nice atmosphere made this an easy two hours, but perhaps not the best episode of Impact ever presented.


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