26th May2020

‘Collision Earth’ Review

by Phil Wheat

Stars: Kate Watson, Joseph Harris, Daniel O’Reilly, Eric Roberts, Becca Buckalew, John Morrisey, Joe Roche, Joe Filippone, Lanett Tachel, Jonathan Moody, Shellie Sterling | Written by Joe Roche | Directed by Matthew Boda

The Asylum return to the disaster movie well with Collision Earth, yet another “Earth’s in trouble and only science can save us” film. This one comes from first-time director Matthew Boda, a lighting technician (who worked on the likes of Californication and The Colony) turned filmmaker who’s made numerous shorts prior to this but this movie marks his feature debut. However Boda is not the only newcomer behind the scenes of Collision Earth as actor and comedian Joe Roche – who appeared in The Asylum’s Aladdin mockbuster, Adventures of Aladdin last year AND plays one of the military crew monitoring the meteor shower here – pens the script for a film that follows just about every cliche and stereotype in the book. But that’s not actually a bad thing, especially when it comes to disaster movies AND Asylum movies!

The plot of Collision Earth is simple. It’s a plot that we’ve seen a million times before but one that was worked over and over again – from other low-budget disaster films like The Asylum’s very own Asteroid vs Earth and 2012: Supernova (to a lesser extent), to blockbusters like Deep Impact and Armageddon… a giant asteroid threaten to destroy Earth after military protocols designed to stop the impact fail.

Ahh, military protocols, the bane of the disaster movie. Here the idiotic, bombastic military are led by Eric Roberts who chews the scenery and each and every one of his lines, seemingly coasting through the role to get an easy pay check (does he have tax bills to pay like Nicolas Cage perhaps?). However like the myriad of disaster movies before it, Collision Earth is not about the plot OR the military, it’s about the human aspect of the situation; how humanity copes with disaster – in this case following a small group of people who reflect society as a whole and, as usual, know more than the military and aren’t taken seriously. So far, so cliched.

But then – at least in the case of Collision Earth – the story had to be about a small group of people really though didn’t it? The budget for this one is so low I don’t they could afford many more cast members, which I’m sure is where most of the money went anyway – because they’re didn’t spend the money on CGI… Yes, what lets Collision Earth down is the CGI. The Asylum have been using CGI for years, so how come they don’t seem to have grasped the concept of using it well? Once again we’re in piss-poor, seemingly over-laid CGI meteor crashes, re-used footage from a multitude of other movies, and some ridiculous use of 90s-level virtual reality footage (this looks worse than the VR landscapes of The Lawnmower Man AND Full Moon’s Arcade and those films are almost 3-decades old!)

Where the influence of The Asylum more “out there” movie plots REALLY comes into play within Collision Earth is that ending… Wow. The military just willy-nilly launching nukes at the asteroid like a Texan at a gun range, with the effect of a gnat trying to knock out an elephant in a fist-fight. Then… then… Well one of our special group of “scientists” we’ve been following throughout the film decides on a plan and climbs into an F35 jet, in her hot pants, to take on the impending doom of the asteroid in Earth’s atmosphere by frying it with electricity!

And you though Collision Earth wasn’t going to be a completely ridiculous over-the-top entry into The Asylum’s oeuvre. It is. And it’s all the better for it! As always, if you appreciate The Asylum movies then this is a solid recommendation, if not then this is probably one for you to avoid.

Collision Earth is out now on VOD in the US, the film comes to DVD in the UK on July 6th courtesy of High Fliers Films.

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