24th May2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dark’ Review (May 19th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dark review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and both Shad Gaspard and Larry Csonka have GoFundMe campaigns available here and here. Me and my old lady, Countess McScrew, are gonna haul ass to Las Vegas and bet it all on broke. Hiya!

Match #1: Hikaru Shida def. Dani Jordyn

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – I liked the way this cookie crumbled. The chocolate chips melted in many of the right spots and the batter never broke down to sugar soup like when Boo Berry was offed by Monsanto for pissing off the Corn-Holes. Shida and Dani meshed really well and knocked the snot out of each other.

Match #2: QT Marshall def. Clutch Adams

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was alright, but there was no tepee for my bung-hole, so it made me sad.

Match #3: Marko Stunt def. Jason Cade

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – I got a real kick out of this. Stunt is really damn good and Cade is right there with him. These guys hit hard and went for it every second they were in there. Are you confused about what the hell I’m talking about? I won’t actually say what they did in the match, because I don’t watch wrestling! Wrestling’s for losers! I just make this s— up so I can score some quick cash! Anyway, I watched this whole match, liked it and you’ll never prove otherwise, you dumb son of a b—-!

Match #4: Kip Sabian (w/ Penelope Ford) and Jimmy Havoc def. Musa and Lee Johnson

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This had a real freaky spirit that made me feel like I was back at Woodstock, nailin’ your mom…and your dad…p—-. Musa is…Musa? Musa?! MUSA!? As for the wrestling part, this was well-worked, with everybody looking tough when they needed to and really focusing on character stuff the whole way through.

Match #5: Rey Fenix def. Shawn Dean

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was real fine stuff that gave Fenix another big performance to hang his mask on, while Dean was excellent here as well. If you’re into lucha mixed with some chain wrestling, then this might just be your thing.

Match #6: Luther def. Jon Cruz

My Opinion: 1.7 out of 5 – This wasn’t much, but it was a minute or so of “Idris Elba doesn’t look right”.

Match #7: Private Party def. Ryan Rembrandt and Mike Reed

My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – This was decent, but PP…it sounds like I said…pee-pee…pee-pee, it’s what’s for dinner. I don’t wanna say that this was bad, but PP just isn’t there yet as a talented team, but do show promise. Ryan and Mike have their own sort of potential and were better in the ring than PP. This was not a match that will make you wanna stop by to watch the show all the way through, but it wouldn’t make you wanna turn it off either.

Match #8: Sammy Guevara def. Alan Angels

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was a lot of fun and let Sammy actually look like a main eventer for a change, rather than as a jobber-to-the-stars. Alan got to shine with a big star and that’s great.

Match #9: (Main Event) Darby Allin def. Serpentico

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was good fun that had all of the greatest hits of Darby, like the Coffin Drop and the “Remember me from that part in Blade 2 where that guys cut my back open and tattooed my spine and I looked at Wesley Snipes and wanted to f— ol’ Brother Darkness?” You don’t need to get the reference to appreciate that I once licked John Stossel’s jack-ass mustache for money, or that Darby deserved to win and did, which makes me happier than when the Stossel checks didn’t bounce. Both men delivered here in a match that wasn’t the best on the show, but it was decent and that’s fine by me.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

This was a very simple hour and a half that I enjoyed far more than any recent Dynamite show, because it didn’t have stupid s— and the wrestling was a blast, even when it wasn’t.

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