01st May2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (April 29th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I pulled my vagina. The TNT Title tournament is in full-swing, which is fine as long as the stick doesn’t explode when it comes back this way. As I piano-key my teeth in case this dynamite explodes near my face, why don’t you read the review?

Match #1: Cody Rhodes defeated Darby Allin – TNT Championship Tournament Semi Final Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Jericho said he was impressed with the previous performances in the match between Darby and Sammy Guevara, as both wrestlers left everything they had in the ring. It showed how important the TNT Championship is to both of them, and everyone in the tournament. Shawn Spears was watching behind the ringside barrier, still stewing over his loss to Cody. Cody and Darby locked up in the center of the ring. Cody tried to pin Darby after a shoulder tackle, “just to show him he has the upper hand,” added Jericho. After some excellent amateur wrestling was put on display, Cody bridged out of a pinning attempt by Darby, and in the process, tweaked his knee. Darby seized the moment and clipped Cody’s knee! They brawled outside, and Cody shot a mean look at Shawn Spears. Darby charged Cody, and Darby inadvertently knocked Brandy into the barricade as Cody sidestepped him! Billy Gunn helped Brandi to the back to get her medical attention. Back in the ring, an infuriated Cody kicked it into high gear, stomping and kneeing Darby. Cody put Darby into a bow and arrow type submission hold, but Darby escaped for a quick pin attempt. Cody kicked out and went right back on the attack, injured knee and all. Cody dropped Darby’s abdomen right across the top rope with a forward suplex. “Look at him, he’s trying to hurt Darby,” said Schiavone. “He’s still blaming Darby for his own mistake that took out his wife Brandi,” added Jericho. Cody lifted Darby for a vertical suplex but Darby countered with a knee to Cody’s head, and then chop blocked Cody’s leg. They traded strikes and Darby hit a Code Red on Cody for a two count! Darby went right back to working on Cody’s wheels with a leg lock. He then secured Cody’s leg in the turnbuckle and gave him a running splash. Darby slammed Cody’s knee onto the mat. Cody limped outside to buy himself some time. While the referee was distracted, Dr. Britt Baker, who was watching from behind the barricade, hit Cody with her shoe! Darby was head-butting Cody’s knee in the ring. Cody knocked some of the face paint off Darby with an uppercut, then the Disaster Kick! Cody’s leg was in bad shape. Cody removed his weight belt and possibly contemplated whipping Darby with it, but he handed it to ref Aubrey Edwards in a sign of good sportsmanship. Cody wrapped up Darby with an inside cradle for a two count! Darby got up and gave Cody the Cross Rhodes, Cody’s own finishing move, for a near fall! “That took a lot of balls to do that. That’s like slapping him in the face,” noted Jericho. Darby applied the figure four to Cody, another of Cody’s favorite moves. “You can tell that Darby has scouted Cody very well here,” said Schiavone. Brandi Rhodes limped back out to the ring. She handed Cody a bottle of water. Cody took a swig from the bottle, but Darby grabbed it and smashed it across Cody’s face! Darby went for a Coffin Drop but Cody caught him and gave him a ripcord clothesline! Cody went for another but Darby countered with a stunner. Darby went for an Asai moonsault but Cody caught Darby again. Cody connected with the Cross Rhodes but Darby kicked out at the two count! Now Cody went for one of Darby’s own moves—the Coffin Drop—but Darby had it scouted and raised his knees in time to meet Cody’s lumbar region! Darby went for the Coffin Drop but Cody was able to maneuver his shoulders, rollup Darby, and get the pin on Darby! Cody is going to the finals of the tournament!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This turned out quite well, but needed some more wrestling in it. Allin and Cody do a lot of sports-entertainment wrestling here, but it’s good, so I won’t piss on it. What do you get when you cross a buzz-saw with a super-model? …a corpse. I felt like a corpse watching Allin do a thousand coffin drops in lieu of some actual wrestling. Cody is becoming more like Triple H all the time, especially since he is doing less in the ring than ever. Didn’t I give this a 3.5? Yeah, this was excellent despite not being very original. This match was a fine opener, but it was missing that extra something to make it as good as the match they had together last year.

Match #2: Wardlow defeated Musa

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“If you were going to create the perfect wrestler in a lab, Wardlow is what you would want. Look at him!” said Chris Jericho. Musa charged at Wardlow and Wardlow choke slammed him hard to the mat. It was like running into a freight train. Wardlow tried a running powerslam on Musa but Musa put the brakes on and tried to get Wardlow down. Wardlow chuckled. Wardlow pulled Musa by the throat off the top turnbuckle and smashed him face-first to his knee! “Wardlow is not done with the man. This is an assassination,” said Jericho. Wardlow used the airplane spin on Musa and rag dolled him down for the victory!

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – As squashes go, this was enjoyable. You might like this match just to see Wardlow hit Musa in the face with his knee after pulling him off the turnbuckle!

Match #3: Best Friends defeated Kip Sabian and Jimmy Havoc – No DQ, No Count -Out Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Kip and Havoc attacked Best Friends as Trent and Chuck entered the ring! They battled to the outside, but Trent used a tope con giro on Kip and Havoc! Jimmy pulled out a steel chair and threw it at Orange Cassidy’s head, knocking him down. Jimmy suplexed Chuckie onto steel chairs on the outside of the ring. Jimmy tried to whack Chuckie with a chair but Trent saved him with a spear to Jimmy! Kip launched himself with a tope con giro onto Trent! Kip worked over Trent inside the ring while Jimmy assaulted Chuck with chairs on the outside. Jimmy threw a ladder at Trent inside the ring! Jimmy bit on Trent’s ear. Kip and Jimmy double-teamed Trent while Chuck tried to recover on the outside. Kip opened a steel chair and set it up in the corner. Havoc launched Kip at the chair and a prone Trent, but Trent moved, sending Kip crashing! Jimmy tried to ram Chuck with a chair but Chuck raised a knee, and Jimmy’s skull crashed into the steel chair! Trent and Chuck each picked up chairs and swung them at Jimmy’s head, and then Best Friends hugged! “Got to give people what they want!” said Schiavone. Kip tried to attack from behind as Best Friends were hugging, but they were smart to him and sent him flying with Chuck’s sole food maneuver! It was good for a two count on Kip. Chuck wedged a chair into the corner turnbuckle, but Kip countered and rammed Chuck into it! Trent ran up the turnbuckles, though, and blasted Kip with a tornado DDT! “Trent’s got star quality written all over him,” said Jericho. Trent used his knee with the chair as a battering ram on Kip! Trent went for the pin but Jimmy jumped in for the save. Trent propped Kip onto the ladder that had been set up in the corner, but Jimmy came to the aid once again, pushing Kip out of the way. Jimmy got on the ladder and used it as a standing platform. While Trent was sitting on the top turnbuckle, he and Jimmy duked it out! Jimmy pulled Trent by the ankles and sent Trent crashing down on the ladder! Jimmy set up two chairs in the ring and crunched Trent’s back again! Kip did a flying foot stomp onto Trent, who was still on the chairs. Kip and Jimmy went for a double pin but Chuckie made the save and broke the pin attempt! Chuckie body slammed Jimmy onto the chair, and then gave a pile driver to Kip onto the chair! Chuck went for the pin on Kip but Penelope grabbed Chuck’s leg, interfering to stop the count! Chuck propped up the ladder in the corner again, but Jimmy backdropped Chuck onto the ladder. Orange Cassidy ran to the ring with a chair. Kip went after Orange but “Freshly Squeezed” evaded him and Kip crashed into Penelope instead. Orange climbed to the top rope and jumped backwards, landing onto Kip and Penelope, neutralizing them! Chuckie saw Jimmy on the top rope and caught him with the Awful Waffle onto a pile of chairs for the three count from ref Paul Turner!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was good fun. With more creativity than a lot of the Hardcore matches have had in recent years, big risks were taken in the bout – like Jimmy wearing that skirt with those shoes! The finale was quite visually arresting. All in all, if you want mayhem at lightning-speed, then this frenzied fight to the finish will blow you… away.

Match #4: Shawn Spears defeated Baron Black

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Spears used a full arm drag and twist on Black, and then rubbed his elbow into Black’s face. Spears flexed his glutes and then pancaked Black to the mat! Spears used a wicked snapsuplex on Black. Spears blasted Black with the C4, and then submitted his opponent with a picture perfect sharpshooter! “Shawn Spears is on a roll!” said Schiavone.

My Opinion: 2.1 out of 5 – This was another stinkin’ squash match. Chris Jericho, who was on commentary, claimed he saw Baron Black in concert and said they suck… he was right, because those s—-licking, pickle-d—ing, t—grifting, b—–rafting, ass-blasting, jack-asses can’t sing a f—— note! AMEN!

Match #5: Brodie Lee defeated Marko Stunt

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Stunt charged Lee but ran right into a big boot from The Exalted One! Lee chopped Stunt, nearly caving in his chest. Lee manhandled Marko, hurling him right across the ring! Marko tried a running dive but got caught on the outside by Lee, who then hit a nasty thrust kick on Marko! Lee tried for a suplex on Marko, but Marko landed on his feet! Marko jumped from the second turnbuckle but was caught by Lee who planted him to the mat. Mr. Brodie Lee finished off Marko with the sit out powerbomb!

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Hi! I’m Bob Ross and I’d like to welcome you to “The Joy Of Painting”. Today, we’re gonna tackle a good-ol’ winter scene and I think you’re gonna like it. I’ve already primed the canvas, but since Marko Stunt is a p—-, he lost to Brodie Lee, whose d— is bigger than Marko’s whole body. Let’s pick up some Alizarin Crimson and go up on the canvas with some wide, long strokes up top, because Brodie Lee kicked s—-brick Marko to death. Let’s put some mountains up there, which is where Marko’s squashed ass will go, because he got stomped to death in just three minutes. Here comes them happy trees! Don’t make ‘em like telephone poles, which is what Brodie Lee must be made of, because he’s so big and strong, like Marko Stunt’s coffin after getting squashed. Okay, let’s sign this one, because like Marko Stunt’s career at this rate, it ain’t gonna get much better than a half-done painting.

Match #6: (Main Event) Lance Archer defeated Dustin Rhodes – TNT Championship Tournament Semi Final Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Archer pushed Dustin into the corner after they locked up. They were sizing up one another in the early moments of this match. Dustin hit Archer with a shoulder block and Archer barely budged. Archer returned the favor and knocked Dustin off his feet. Archer charged Dustin but Dustin pulled down the top rope, sending Archer to the outside. Dustin flipped from the ring apron and came crashing onto Archer. “It worked, taking Archer off his feet. Dustin is doing these things with 31 years of experience and he’s wrestling better now than ever,” noted Jericho. Dustin tried for the big powerslam but Archer blocked it. Archer pounced Dustin, knocking him to the outside! Archer grabbed for a steel chair and swung it at Dustin, but Dustin beat him to the punch, literally. He met Archer with strikes and a kick, knocking the chair out of his grip. Dustin grabbed the steel chair for himself but Archer kicked it, knocking Dustin in the face! Dustin’s forehead was busted open! Back in the ring, Archer continued to dismantle Dustin. “The Natural” fought back with a string of offense, but Archer clotheslined Dustin and then began the ground and pound attack! On the outside, Archer rammed Dustin into the steel post! They exchanged chops until Archer hit a stiff forearm on Dustin, ringing his bell. Archer rolled into the ring and commanded ref Aubrey Edwards to count out Dustin. Archer waited long enough and picked up Dustin and tossed him back into the ring. Archer suplexed Dustin, and then was driving Dustin’s face into the mat. The canvas of the mat pooled with Dustin’s blood! Dustin tried to rally back and set up Archer’s legs on the turnbuckles, forcing Archer into a leg split. Dustin punted the turnbuckle beneath Archer’s groin! Dustin took down Archer with a snapmare but then Archer got up and began pummeling Dustin with fists again! “Look at Archer! He still won’t stay down!” said Jericho. Dustin rocked Archer with a couple of overhand rights! Dustin landed the Code Red Canadian Destroyer on Archer, but was too exhausted to go for the cover! Both wrestlers got back up to their feet and slugged it out. Dustin connected with a lariat. Archer ducked a running bulldog but Dustin hit him with a powerslam! Dustin had Archer in the corner and climbed the turnbuckle to drop some fists on the MurderHawk Monster. Archer powered out but Dustin countered with the Cross Rhodes! Archer kicked out at one! Dustin methodically climbed to the top rope but Archer caught him, gripping Dustin’s throat. Archer choke slammed Dustin but Dustin kicked out at two! Archer walked the entirety of the top rope and then hit a moonsault on Dustin! Somehow Dustin found the energy to kick out at two, but just barely! Archer went for his Blackout finisher, but Dustin fought out of it, pushing Archer into the ropes! Dustin attempted a DDT but Archer countered and choke slammed Dustin! Archer went for the pin attempt but Dustin rolled him up. Archer escaped at the two-count! “Now Archer’s mad!” said Jericho. Archer booted Dustin. Archer removed the top turnbuckle pad, exposing the steel cable. He rammed Dustin’s forehead into the exposed corner. QT Marshall came to the ringside area and was about to throw in the towel. Cody ran down and grabbed the towel from QT. Cody checked on his brother; Dustin was telling Cody not to throw in the towel when Archer grabbed Dustin by the legs and pulled him to the center of the ring. Archer palmed Dustin’s head like it was a basketball and began bouncing it off the mat! Archer squeezed Dustin’s forehead and put all of his bodyweight on Dustin, pinning him in the process!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a fine main event that made Archer look evil and Dustin look dead. The similar height of these two made the match into more of an even wrestling contest than any-thing else on the show. It’s funny thinking about how these two s— the bed in TNA in 2007, but now are two of the most consistent and talented fighters today. Never say never… This match is the “Flash Gordon” movie if it was actually good. I loved the ending, with Archer beating Dustin into CTE Boulevard one blow at a time. Overall, this was a strong main event that made me feel like a punch-drunk Stacy Keach from “Fat City”.

News Of The Night:

  1. Britt Baker attacked Cody Rhodes and had Rebel aid her in making an obnoxious dentist video to help sell her ill-fated heel turn.
  2. Jon Moxley fights Frankie Kazarian, next week.
  3. Kenny Omega & Matt Hardy fight Le Sex Gods (Chris Jericho & Sammy Guevara) in a Street Fight Match, next week.
  4. The Inner Circle had one of the worst vignettes in wrestling history (funny as it was) where a host of people took part in a “Manitoba Melee”, where people punched into their phones and knocked down some-one else (Gabriel Iglesias, Lou Ferrigno [with a taser], Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith joined this, among others) in a display that has me wondering how this is any different from the bull-s— on a WWE show?
  5. Scorpio Sky cut a promo that saw him declare he wants to be legendary.

Final Verdict: 3.6/5

There were three excellent matches, but a focus on stupid s— ruined the fun.


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