23rd Mar2020

‘NXT UK’ Review (March 19th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s NXT UK review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…Jake Roberts says that Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels were just fighting over Sunny the whole time, but how would a crack-head know anything besides where to get the good s—? It’s funny to listen to these old bastards pick on the more successful guys and critique how they didn’t “draw money”, when there are so many factors in place that prevent even the biggest stars from actually drawing money. NXT UK has a few stars in it, but doesn’t seem to be doing well enough as a brand all its own. Is it the wrestlers’ fault that NXT UK isn’t raking in millions a week? I’d argue that no name could ever turn this into a league all its own, because this is just a corporate knock-off of what indy leagues have been doing all decade, which is put on great wrestling matches. Well, in this time of a respiratory illness getting more TV time than the other, more deadly diseases that are getting ignored, let’s talk about NXT UK…

NXT-uk-large

Match #1: Kay Lee Ray def. Dani Luna

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Although she came to her matchup against Kay Lee Ray in search of retribution for the attack she suffered one week earlier, the ultra-aggressive Dani Luna did not have enough to overcome the NXT UK Women’s Champion. The ruthless titleholder once again showed why she is at the top of the food chain when she hit a Gory Bomb for the win. However, when Ray unleashed a post-match assault on her fallen foe, Piper Niven charged the ring to put a stop to it. As she gazed at Ray’s title on the ring apron, The Scary Queen of Scots seized it away and sent a clear message about Niven’s chances of taking her title … “No Chance!”

My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Well, this wasn’t much of anything, but at least they got on TV.

Match #2: Ridge Holland def. Joseph Conners

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Despite unleashing relentless punishment on his opponent’s injured left leg, Joseph Conners did not prove worthy against Ridge Holland. The tough-as-nails Superstar tore his adversary free of the turnbuckle and unleashed Northern Grit to give him the biggest win of his NXT UK tenure.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Ridge d…Ridge? What the f— kinda name is Ridge? At least Ridge beat Conners…Ridge?

Match #3: Kassius Ohno def. Kenny Williams

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Despite his recent declarations that he would stop brawling in his matches and instead concentrate on his self-professed “superior” technique in order to win, in the final moments, Kassius Ohno countered the high-octane offense of Kenny Williams with an earth-shattering Rolling Elbow. As a result, by the time he locked in the Kassius Clutch, The Lucky Yin was already knocked out and the referee was forced to end the match in favor of The Wresting Genius.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was a good match that showed another side of Ohno, like weed given to a leprechaun…wee little stoned-up mother-f—–. These two worked well together and made it possible to care about a seven minute match. Tom Ford is a sissy-ass and this match was not bad, not bad at all.

Match #4: (Main Event) Gallus def. Dave Mastiff, Trent Seven and Flash Morgan Webster

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After Mark Andrews was taken out in mysterious backstage assault, Trent Seven emerged as his replacement to stand with Flash Morgan Webster & Dave Mastiff against Gallus. In the final moments of the all-out free-for-all, the dangerous trio from Scotland cornered The Modfather. After Wolfgang picked up his adversary, Mark Coffey delivered a fierce kick, paving the way for a powerslam from The Last King of Scotland. If that wasn’t enough, Joe Coffey followed it up with All The Best For The Bells to give the supreme victory to the Gallus firm.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a pretty good match that gave Gallus a solid win to keep them going. Alexandra Daddario has huge boobs…mando boobs. I wish I had mando boobs…to watch this excellent match with. Joey Heatherton once said that Cookie Monster has an ass made for telling you how good of a team Gallus is and I couldn’t agree more. Overall, this was a fun main event with consistent action and the right team winning.

Final Verdict: 2.6/5

Do you think Scooby Doo licks his crotch? Oh, this was a decent show that needed more wrestling.

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