20th Mar2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (March 18th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s AEW: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have an empty arena show that has more wrestling without a crowd, thanks to the coronavirus panic. I just heard about the first American to get this and he said that if you get it, then get up and stay active, because the virus crystalizes in your lungs and makes it hard to breathe. No wonder why the old and sickly are so prone to this. If you’re young and/or healthy, then it sounds like getting out and about is not the worst thing to do, but the old should just stay in their homes where we young bucks can’t get those elderly sick. Also, old folks are constantly telling us that we are making this (albeit serious) illness out to be more than it is. Our elders have dealt with much worse and remember how they made these same sort of mistakes in over-reaction. Some of them might even say that if our over-reaction is the worst thing that comes out of all of this, then we have failed miserably. We’re always being told that we should listen to our elders, so why are we ignoring them now when it’s most pertinent to listen? We should all pay attention to the pages of history and not just the first chapter, if you catch my drift. If you live in one of the countries that have been hit harder by this, then do what you can to not get sick, but don’t let the government/police push you around, because they’ll take this as their chance to do so more often. It’s easy for me to say that as an American, but that’s advice I may have to take myself (or not…it’s 50/50). At the end of the day, wash your hands, keep them away from your face and all of that, but how is that any different from what we should all be doing every day of the year? Our health should not depend on the latest flavor of the week illness that breaks through society’s glass ceiling (we do this every year, just not with the bells and whistles making this much noise). People die from all sorts of viruses and diseases every day, but we don’t seem to panic all that much. Should we be swept into the storm of pandemonium every time an illness kills, or should we just accept that some-one will always die from such an ailment, no matter what happens? Death does not wait for us to come to terms and we can’t throw our lives away just because we don’t want to suffer the consequences of being alive. Take this from some-one who grew-up as the neurotic kid from those movies that seem to bizarre to be real, but being afraid of every-thing, like we’re doing now, no matter how reasonable it may seem, is always a bad idea, even when it seems reckless to think otherwise. I’ll end my sermon with the sentiment of staying indoors, but active and busy if you’re sick, and spending equal parts inside and outside, with a reasonable distance from as many as you can (but not obsessively so) if you’re not ill. Just because society is slowing to a crawl, that doesn’t mean that the world stops turning. Alright, enough of that emotional s—, we’ve got some f—— wrestling to get to. Also, I want a shark with freakin’ laser-beams attached to its head!

aew-dynamite-poster-2

Match #1: Lucha Brothers (Pentagon Jr. & Rey Fenix) def. Best Friends (Chuck Taylor & Trent, with Orange Cassidy)

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Tony Schiavone interviewed MJF ringside. MJF wasn’t impressed with the winner’s purse for tonight’s event, so he decided he’d sit back tonight, rest, and watch the matches from the front row. Lance Archer, Jake “the Snake” Roberts, Wardlow, MJF, Tully Blanchard and Shawn Spears were also watching from the ringside area. On the other side of the ring, in the front row, Colt Cabana, Christopher Daniels, Frankie Kazarian, Joey Janela, and Sonny Kiss rooted for the Best Friends. MJF and Shawn Spears had money riding on the match. Brandi Rhodes was the ring announcer for tonight’s show! Trent and Fenix were trading shots with one another. Chuck Taylor was tagged in and he began working over Fenix. Trent was tagged back in and Fenix got the advantage after a poke to the eyes. Fenix tagged in Penta and they nailed stereo thrust kicks on Trent! Both teams brawled outside the ring! Orange Cassidy was…chilling at the commentary booth, as only the King of Sloth Style can. Trent was able to connect with some desperation offense on Fenix and got the tag to Chuck Taylor! Meanwhile, from the top of the ramp, Orange Cassidy jumped onto the Lucha Bros (of course keeping his hands tucked in his pockets the entire time)! Chuck Taylor used the stuffed piledriver on Pentagon for a two-count! The Best Friends were looking for Strong Zero but the Lucha Bros countered it. Penta hit a low blow on Trent, and after a package piledriver-stomp combo, the Lucha Bros pinned Trent for the victory!

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This was really good and a blast to watch without a crowd. I’ve always been a firm believer that good wrestling is exciting by itself and this match proved me right in spades. The moves were crisp and firm, like Granny Smith apples in Granny Smith’s Granny Smith (it’s a vagina joke…a sour vagina joke). Chuck kinda reminded of a smaller, cuter Bradshaw here…without Joey Styles here to whoop his ass, of course. Both teams seemed to be really enjoying themselves and that made this even more fun to watch. I loved having the wrestlers here to screw around on the outside and they made the lack of a crowd even more fun. This was just a good opener.

Match #2: Hikaru Shida def. Riho, Kris Statlander and Penelope Ford (with Kip Sabian) – Fatal 4 Way Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Sabian pulled Shida and Statlander out of the ring by the ankles, and they began clobbering him. Riho used a diving cross body onto the three competitors on the outside of the ring! Statlander ordered Shida to suplex her onto Riho! Statlander then clotheslined Shida. Shida tried for a double suplex on Riho and Ford, but they reversed it. Riho and Ford started striking one another. Riho was distracted by Kip Sabian, allowing Ford enough time to perform a backflip elbow onto Riho! Shida used a Falcon Arrow on Ford for a two-count! Shida followed up with a running knee to gain the victory, cementing her position at the top of AEW’s rankings!

My Opinion: 2.7 out of 5 – This was a bit sloppy, but they all performed well enough. The last few minutes were pretty damn good, which is where the 0.7 comes from. Having four in here just through the rhythm off, but it normally does. The more is not always the merrier…unless they spank that ass. CANNONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!!!!!!!!!

Match #3: Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy) def. The Butcher & The Blade

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

After some dynamic chain wrestling, Jungle Boy went for a quick pin attempt on the Blade, to no avail. Luchasaurus and Jungle Boy executed rapid tags in and out for the tandem offense on the Blade. The Butcher and the Blade caught Jungle Boy on a dive outside the ring and jolted him with a toss into the metal barrier! Now they had the advantage and were using tandem offense against Jungle Boy! “Jungle Boy is hanging on by a thread!” said Jim Ross. Jungle Boy threw every last ounce of strength into a clothesline to the Blade, but he was cut off before making the tag to Luchasaurus. Finally Luchasaurus got the tag and he completely changed the tenor of the match, noted Excalibur. The Butcher and Luchasaurus were slugging it out like the two big hosses that they are! MJF screamed from ringside at the Butcher and the Blade: “Full Death right now!” However, Jurassic Express countered as the Butcher and the Blade were distracted by MJF’s orders. After being planted on the mat, Luchasaurus pinned the Butcher!

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – Jungle Boy was the star here. Let’s just get right to it on ol’ Jack Perry. The Jurassic Express sucks, but it’s all about JB getting frequent TV time from this team, which he definitely got here. Luchasaurus did well here and made for a fine winner, but I’d be lying if I told anybody out of this match had more immediate and greater potential than Jungle Boy. Also, I kissed a boy and I liked it…because the boy was pizza and I want pizza…a pizza that ass!

Match #4: (Main Event) The Inner Circle (Jake Hager, Santana and Ortiz, with Sammy Guevara) def. The Elite (Cody Rhodes with Arn Anderson, Matt Jackson and Adam Page with Kenny Omega)— Team Advantage For The Blood & Guts Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Santana blindsided Cody at the start of the bout. Cody countered with a powerslam! Matt and Cody utilized quick tags to cut the ring in half and work on Ortiz. Page ran in illegally with a boot to Ortiz. Matt speared Santana, gaining a bit of revenge for his brother Nick Jackson, who wasn’t medically cleared to be at the event after last week’s brutal assault. Page got the tag and followed through with a clothesline to Santana. “You can’t go into a match with the Inner Circle with any animosity amongst your own team, and they’re too stupid to realize that,” said Jericho about the Elite. Hager handed Cody over to Ortiz for the stalled suplex. Santana whipped Cody into the guardrail. Jackson had seen enough and began nailing Ortiz with stiff shots to the head! “Cody has got to try to get one of his partners from the Elite into the match-up,” said Taz. “I don’t like him but I respect him,” added Jericho. Hager started the ground and pound on Cody. Hager put the pressure on Cody, who was trying to reach for his corner and a tag. Hager rammed Cody into the turnbuckles of the Inner Circle’s corner! Cody rallied back with the Cross-Rhodes on Ortiz! Cody began crawling to his corner, but Hager tagged in and tried to stop him. Cody flipped Hager over the top rope! “Hangman” was tagged in finally and cleaned house! He scooped up Santana with the fall away slam, and then went over the top rope onto Hager! Cody connected with a tope suicida onto Ortiz! Cody went after MJF at ringside, but Wardlow grabbed him by the throat. “Nightmare Family” head coach Arn Anderson hit Wardlow with his clipboard! Back in the ring, Page and Jackson suplexed Hager! Jackson had Santana up and called for the IndyTaker to Page, but Jackson was rolled up after Page was pulled from the ring apron! The Inner Circle won the match and the advantage in “Blood & Guts”!

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This was an excellent main event that went upwards of a half hour and made the most of being a simple match. There aren’t a ton of big moves here, which I liked. This was old-fashioned tag wrestling, which was most welcome in a main event that had the time to have more detail. The idea of getting the advantage for the Blood & Guts Match was all that was going on here, even when they were teasing the dissent of The Elite. Sometimes, simple is better and that was the case here. Simple is as simple does…Bubba. Bubba don’ like shrimp is his bacon, ‘cuz pigs and fish don’ git along real well. Pigs s—where they eat and fish do too, but Momma always said that’s how yo’ Daddy got her pregnant ta begin with! All in all, Momma screwed my principal and AEW had’s a good’n for da main event.

News Of The Night:

  1. Jake Roberts said the feud with Cody Rhodes has become personal, due to Cody not meeting his challenge to fight Lance Archer head on.
  2. Lance Archer had a cheap, yet clever vignette where he fought a bunch of red-necks in a Gauntlet Match to show off his skills.
  3. Brodie Lee was revealed as the Exhalted One, who then attacked Christopher Daniels.
  4. Matt Hardy debuted in his Broken persona and will join The Elite as the fifth member of their team for Blood & Guts.

Final Verdict: 4/5

I had a lot of fun with no crowd. It’s a shame the empty arena didn’t happen under better circumstances, but at least it was a resounding success. I’d love to see this be how AEW Dark is formatted from now on.

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