17th Mar2020

WWE Raw – March 16th 2020: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Monday Night Raw, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and the World Health Organization said that dogs won’t get the coronavirus and can be let outside. I guess you could say “WHO let the dogs out.” I saw that on 411mania. Stupid bastard doesn’t even know I’m stealing their joke. Oh, if you live in a country where the government is trying to force you to quarantine by pointing a gun at you, then keep calm and tell them to f— off. What’s next…Mick Jagger and his ugly f—— face? Also, the Mediterranean coronavirus of several years ago had a 41% fatality rate, but never got reported on in this manner and could have/still could kill almost half the world’s population. Why are we not talking about that? What about the AIDS virus or Ebola? I’d rather get a case of whatever this strain of coronavirus is called than AIDS. Anyway, Raw has one match…well, kinda.

2018-raw-logo

Match #1: (Main Event) Rey Mysterio def. Andrade

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Rey Mysterio’s comeback-slash-payback tour continues, this time with the win he might have wanted more than anything. In a near-empty setting at the WWE Performance Center, The Ultimate Underdog defeated Andrade to exact some retribution for his United States Title loss at Madison Square Garden several months ago. Since the match was not for the championship, Andrade can count himself lucky that the only thing he lost was his pride. But Mysterio certainly took a bite out of that, thwarting Andrade’s version of the Three Amigos to connect with the 619-Droppin’ the Dime combo … much to the chagrin of Asuka, who provided guest commentary for the match and furiously cheered for the champion. Her enthusiasm was certainly palpable, but clearly, it’ll take more than an unusual cheering section for Andrade to move past Mysterio for good.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was another nice match from these two. Nice…what am I…a f—— Mormon? Mormons…sick f—-. I wanna have a kid one day…a boy or a girl…definitely one or the other…or a tranny. This has some nice lucha vibes to it. Nice…there’s that word again. I could totally pork a pig…with bacon. Also, Asuka was on commentary and shouldn’t have been, because she was annoying like a Republican politician whining at a woman who’s reading a book. Why are you learning? Learning is for a man! Are you a man? Where’s your wiener? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Fortunately, this match, while not long enough for my taste, was still quite fun, overall.

News Of The Night:

  1. Wrestlemania will now take place at the Performance Center in front of no one.
  2. Edge challenged Randy Orton to a Last Man Standing Match at WrestleMania.
  3. The Undertaker and AJ Styles signed their WrestleMania contract.
  4. Becky Lynch addressed Shayna Baszler and taunted her reign of terror.
  5. Kevin Owens challenged Seth Rollins to a WrestleMania match.
  6. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin celebrated #316Day with Becky Lynch.
  7. The entire Men’s Royal Rumble Match was shown.

Final Verdict: 3/5

Without the Royal Rumble match, this wasn’t much of a show beyond announcing more matches and Wrestlemania’s fate.

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