12th Mar2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (March 11th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Jake Roberts’s fighter making their debut. Madea! Madea! Y’all need to whop that little b—-’s ass!

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Match #1: Cody Rhodes defeated Ortiz

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Ortiz gave Cody a head-butt to the midsection, and then an Irish whip to the turnbuckle. “The Murderhawk” Lance Archer, alongside Jake “the Snake” Roberts, made their way through the crowd in the stands to get a closer view of Cody’s match! Cody threw Ortiz into the metal steps on the outside of the ring. Santana distracted Cody, and Ortiz kicked Cody’s leg out from under him. “That wheel is giving Cody some problems right now,” said Jim Ross. Ortiz suplexed Cody, but “the American Nightmare” lifted his shoulders before the three-count. Ortiz tried for another pin fall after a big splash, but Cody got his shoulders up once again. Lance Archer and Jake Roberts watched from ringside seats with a sense of smugness about them. “Cody’s been playing defense here for a long time, and that leg is becoming more problematic by the moment,” said Jim Ross. Cody shut out the pain and got some momentum on his side, driving his fist into the face of Ortiz! Cody climbed to the top rope and Santana grabbed his leg on the outside, but Brandi smacked Santana with her belt! Meanwhile, Ortiz hit a superplex on Cody, but it was only good for a two count! Santana went for Arn Anderson on the outside of the ring, but Cody connected with a tope suicida on him, and then pancaked Ortiz on the ramp! Cody went after Ortiz’s legs to give him a taste of his own medicine, locking in the figure-four in the center of the ring for the submission victory! Santana stepped in and walloped Cody with the loaded sock! Santana tried to get Double A, but Matt Jackson and Kenny Omega ran in for the save!

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was good, but it was missing something. Sometimes something can be good and still be a few steps behind itself. There’s nothing bad here, but there’s nothing great either.

Match #2: Nyla Rose & Bea Priestley defeated Kris Statlander & Hikaru Shida

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“Nyla Rose has gotten even better since dethroning RIHO and becoming the AEW Women’s World Champion,” said Tony Schiavone. “You are exactly right, Tony. Nyla has upped her game and is now on top of the mountain,” replied Excalibur. Shida ran in with a shoulder tackle to Nyla, and Nyla barely budged. Nyla used a body slam and a standing leg drop on Shida for a near fall. Priestley was tagged in and connected with stiff forearms to Shida. Nyla tagged in, booted Shida, and then suplexed Shida for a two-count. Shida kneed Nyla, then got the tag to Statlander! Statlander put Bea in a backbreaker. Shida came in and exchanged rights with Bea. After surviving a released German suplex from Bea, Shida followed up with a running knee to the back of Bea’s head. Nyla was tagged in and imposed her will on Shida. Nyla attempted the flying guillotine leg drop on Shida, but Statlander pulled Shida free before Nyla could land the move. Shida planted Nyla for a near fall. Statlander was tagged in and was knocked for a loop by Nyla! Shida succumbed to the Beast Bomb, and Nyla Rose won the match for her team in a very competitive tag team bout!

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was no great feat of skill, but this did get the job done and with no d—-chick jokes from Val Venis (even porn stars have the right to hate for no reason). Get Out had all that mumblecore acting in it…pissed me off. See? Anyway, this was okay and that’s fine.

Match #3: MJF, The Butcher and The Blade defeated Jurassic Express

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

MJF was wearing a t-shirt with the words: “I pinned Cody”. MJF accidentally backed into Luchasaurus and wanted no part of him, quickly sliding to his team’s corner. MJF ducked a big dino-boot from Luchasaurus. He begged off Luchasaurus, and while distracted, the Butcher and the Blade served up chop blocks to Luchasaurus! They isolated Luchasaurus in their corner, and began to physically dissect him with their offense. MJF took down Luchasaurus with a dragon screw for a two-count. The Butcher tagged in and stomped on Luchasaurus’ leg. The Blade kicked Luchasaurus square in the face! With MJF holding down one leg, the Blade holding down another, Luchasaurus staggered toward his corner and finally got the tag to Jungle Boy! Jungle Boy hit an implosion senton on MJF, then caught the Blade! Marko jumped onto the Butcher’s back and took him down. Luchasaurus wiped out all three members of the competition with a step-up dive! Luchasaurus chokeslammed MJF and the Blade, then tried for a standing moonsault press. The Butcher and Luchasaurus traded forearms and head-butts with one another, and the Butcher caught Luchasaurus with a stiff lariat! The Bunny distracted ref Aubrey Edwards, and Marko was forced to tap out to MJF’s “Salt of the Earth” submission finisher!

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – Have you ever tried to f— a walrus? This match was like watching Jayden Cole just touch herself instead of getting a good stiff one to boot. You just wanna see this go to the next level, but the whole thing is left at the ground floor with the janitor and his bottle of pee. MJF was great, but only in a character way. Still, there were some fun tags that kept this sucker honest…like Cindy Lou Who and that big-ass knife. Where’s the Grinch, Cindy Lou Who? Is he dead, you little b—-?! He may have stolen Christmas, but you stole his dork and that’s some bull. That’s the way this match made me feel…like my dork was chopped off by a cute little asshole named Cindy Lou Who! At least MJF was here to sell the Animaniac’s dinosaur gimmick.

Match #4: Death Triangle defeated Joey Janela & Private Party

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Death Triangle charged forward from the get-go! Private Party quickly countered with the Silly String. Janela was tagged in and caught Penta with a back elbow from the second turnbuckle. Janela clotheslined Penta, but spent too much time appealing to the audience and paid the price, getting blindsided by PAC. Janela fought back with a tope suicida to Rey Fenix. There was a smooth Gin and Juice combo which transitioned into a Death Valley Driver! This was followed up with a shooting star press from Marq Quen onto Fenix! Penta pulled his brother back to their corner, tagged himself in, and used a sling blade on Quen! PAC got the tag and blasted Janela with a kick. “The Bad Boy” hit the second Death Valley Driver of the match, this time on the apron onto PAC, and then an elbow off the top for a two-count! Fenix used a cutter on Janela, and then the Lucha Bros smashed him with the package piledriver-foot stomp combo. PAC went up to the top and won with a pin fall after the Black Arrow on Janela!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a lot of fun, with Fenix really stealing the show. I don’t buy Death Triangle as a faction, but they can wrestle, so who gives a s—? I hate seeing Joey lose so much, but that’s AEW for you. All in all, this should have gone even longer, but the twelve or so minutes we did get were a breeze.

Match #5: (Main Event) Adam Page & Dustin Rhodes defeated Chris Jericho & Sammy Guevara

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Rhodes was filling in this week for an injured Kenny Omega. Page chopped Sammy, stopping him dead in his tracks. Page, distracted by the Inner Circle, was knocked down by a Jericho dropkick. Jericho mocked Page, and Sammy kicked Page from behind. The Inner Circle had the advantage because of their numbers. Dustin secured the tag from Page and delivered an uppercut, a Manhattan drop, and a running bulldog to Sammy! Dustin went after Jericho, and while he had his back turned, Sammy flew off the top with some offense for Dustin! Jericho tried for a lionsault on Rhodes, but Rhodes got his knees up, thinking one move ahead like the mat veteran that he is! Rhodes tagged in Page and the “Hangman” cleaned house, hitting a fall-away slam on Sammy! After catching Page with a hook-kick, Sammy tagged in Jericho. Page got to his feet and took out the Inner Circle on the outside with a moonsault, while inside the ring Dustin hit a crossbody block on Jericho and Sammy! Page went for the Buckshot Lariat but Jericho had it scouted and countered with the Lion Tamer. Page escaped the hold, and he stalled Sammy with a boot. Page was going for the Buckshot Lariat but Jericho intervened. Dustin Rhodes hit a Canadian destroyer on Sammy, which was followed up by the Buckshot Lariat from Page for the pin fall victory!

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a fun tag that felt more like it belonged on SmackDown instead of Dynamite. There’s nothing amazing here, but it was a heaping helping of meat and potatoes and that’s fine.

News Of The Night:

  1. The Exalted One will be on Dynamite, next week.
  2. Christopher Daniels challenged Evil Uno and Stu Grayson to singles matches to dispel the notion of the existence of The Exalted One.
  3. The Inner Circle attacked The Elite several times.
  4. Darby Allin did a vignette where he used a truck to pull a body bag of the Inner Circle all around the forest.
  5. Britt Baker did another lame heel promo to push a feud with Big Swole.
  6. Death Triangle and Best Friends with Orange Cassidy are feuding.
  7. Shawn Spears is looking for a tag team partner through internet videos.
  8. The Blood and Guts match is just War-Games with submission finishes only.
  9. Lucha Bros fights Best Friends, next week.
  10. The Elite fights Inner Circle, next week.
  11. Jim Ross did a great interview with Jon Moxley.

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

This was a good show, but it needed more of an edge to it, along with more matches being promoted ahead of time and more variety in the roster members being booked on this show.

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