12th Feb2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Feb 11th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s review of Impact Wrestling, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and this doesn’t have Vikingo, so you can go to bed. The Knockout’s Title is on the line and so is my patience in this damn hamster. The little bastard won’t lay a golden egg, damn it! Don’t tell me that’s not how it works! I went to public school! I know everything! Impact starts…now!

impact-wrestling-header

Match #1: Michael Elgin def. Eddie Edwards – Best of 5 Series Match 2 (Elgin 2, Eddie 0)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Eddie jumps off the top but Elgin counters into a sitdown powerbomb in mid-air. Both men exchange shots, Elgin gains the advantage with a Dragon Suplex, followed by a big running clothesline. Eddie hits a Tiger Bomb for a two count. Eddie sets up for the Boston Knee Party but Elgin retreats to the outside. Eddie follows him out with a dive to the floor. Eddie picks Elgin off the top, sending him crashing to the mat. Elgin connects with the Elgin Bomb to win, taking the 2-0 lead in the Best of 5 Series.

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This was a very strong math that needed more wrestling in it, but it was a spectacle with brains, so that works as well. Elgin was Billy Paul singing about “Me And Mrs. Jones”, just waltzing his way through the lyrics until the sax catches up with him. The sax is Eddie, who has turned into a pre-op lesbian from Harlem thanks to his new hair-cut. There are lots of big hits here and enough action to make a Muppet into a furry pan-cake. Kermit’s legs would taste good deep-fried into golden-honey beer batter, with butter-milk ranch dressing to dip those…anyway. This was another fine entry in the series between these two, but it’s not better than Fuller House…the greatest show ever…EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

Match #2: Madman Fulton def. Daga

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Daga attempts to take the big man off his feet in the early going. He succeeds with a dive through the ropes, taking out Fulton on the floor. Fulton uses his power advantage to regain control as he begins to wear Daga down. Daga hits a short DDT for a two count. Daga connects with a German suplex out of the corner, followed by a Death Valley Driver. Dave and Jake Crist of oVe make their way to ringside but get taken out by Daga. Fulton drops Daga on his head to pick up the win.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was a waste of Daga, who should be winning a match with Fulton, not losing. Fulton is getting better, but not good enough to be beating the likes of Daga.

Match #3: Fallah Bahh w/ TJP def. Ethan Page w/ Josh Alexander

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Fallah hits a big belly-to-belly suplex. Fallah attempts a Samoan Drop on the apron but Alexander distracts him, allowing Page to gain control. Page takes Fallah down with running shoulder tackle. Fallah goes for the Banzai Drop but once again, Alexander gets involved and pulls his partner to safety. TJP has had enough and dives over the top rope into Alexander. Fallah rolls up Page to score the victory.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was okay, but it was a flat fight. This felt like it was going nowhere, but it knew how to look cool with its hands in its pockets at least.

Match #4: Rob Van Dam w/ Katie Forbes def. Joey Ryan

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

RVD is stalling by making out with Katie instead of proceeding with the match. Joey sends RVD to the floor with a dropkick. RVD kicks Joey off the ropes as he tumbles to the mat. Joey dives through the ropes, taking out RVD on the outside. Joey gets RVD to touch it but RVD counters with one of his signature kicks. RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash to win.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This was a disappointment, but it wasn’t terrible either. I wanted this to be good, but it just didn’t happen. Damn.

Match #5: Mahabali Shera w/ Rohit Raju & Gama Singh vs Willie Mack Ends (No Contest)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Rohit attacks Willie in the early going, causing the quick disqualification.

My Opinion: 0 out of 5 – S—…just s—.

Match #6: Desi Hit Squad (Mahabali Shera & Rohit Raju) w/ Gama Singh def. Willie Mack & Johnny Swinger

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The Desi Hit Squad wear down Swinger on their side of the ring. Swinger fights out of it, hits Rohit with a jawbreaker and tags in Willie. Willie hits Attack of the Mack on Shera in the corner. Willie connects with the standing Moonsault on Rohit. Swinger tags himself in and instructs Willie to go for a double team move on Shera. Willie wants no part of it and gets pulled out of the ring by Gama. Shera hits Swinger with Sky High to win.

My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Mack was good. Just let Mack fight for the World Title. The match sucked. Don’t book this match again.

Match #7: (Main Event) Jordynne Grace def. Taya Valkyrie w/ John E Bravo – Knockouts Championship Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Jordynne sends Taya into the steel ring post, followed by a German suplex. Jordynne is perched on the top when Bravo gets involved behind the referee’s back and pushes her off. Taya distracts the referee as Bravo chokes Jordynne on the ropes. Jordynne begins to build momentum with a Spinebuster. Jordynne connects with the Grace Driver for a near fall. Taya hits a Powerbomb onto the steel steps. Taya sends Jordynne face first into the steel with a Road to Valhalla on the ramp. Jordynne almost gets counted out but makes it back into the ring at the referee’s count of nine. Jordynne hits a devastating Muscle Buster but Taya kicks out at two. Jordynne has the match won after a Grace Driver but Bravo pulls the referee out of the ring. Taya attempts to Spear Jordynne but catches Bravo instead. Bravo uses his body as a shield to protect Taya from a top rope splash. Jordynne connects with one final Grace Driver to win the match and end Taya’s historic reign as Knockouts Champion.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – There was a lot of nonsense from the bookers here, but at almost twenty minutes, this was still pretty good. Grace was the right person to take the strap off of her. I hope this is leading to the men’s and women’s divisions being merged into one stronger roster. Maybe Taya is going to get released to the WWE? It’s weird that Taya would lose the strap here. Maybe she’s injured or taking some time off? Any-way, this match was fine, but it deserved to be more than just good.

News Of The Night:

  1. The mysterious technical glitch with the letters “ICU” appeared on the screen again.
  2. Tessa Blanchard will team with Trey and Tommy Dreamer to fight Ace Austin and Reno Scum in a six person tag team match, next week.
  3. Su Yung sent Father James Mitchell back to the Undead Realm.

Final Verdict: 2.9/5

This started and ended well, but the middle was just a reminder of how much a mess Impact has become.

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