22nd Jan2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Jan 21st 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Tessa’s second week as champion, so let’s call Booker T to celebrate! (phone ringing) Booker T: Sucka? Nathan: It’s Nathan…the writer from Nerdly. Booker T: F— you, suckaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Ain’t no woman be no damn World Champion! Shoot da’ b—-! Nathan: Booker… Booker T: Shut yo’ mouth, sucka-man! Nathan: Why can’t a woman be a World Champion? Booker T: Tits ain’t balls, sucka. Nathan: I… Booker T: The five time, five time, five time, five time, five time WCW World Heavyweight Champion. Can you dig that, suckaaaaaaaaaaaa?! Nathan: Shut the f— up you old bastard! Booker T: Oh hell no! TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT?! TELL ME YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!? Nathan: King…Bookah! Booker T: I’mma whoop dat ass, sucka-b—-! Nathan: Okay. Good-Bye…sucka. Booker T: Mother f… (phone hangs up). Well, thank you TalkTech for that clear signal. Booker T sure is excited to see a female World Champion. Let’s get right to Booker T’s favorite thing: a woman World Champion.

impact-wrestling-header

Match #1: Taurus def. Moose & Rhino – Triple Threat Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Three animals go to war here in Mexico City. Moose quickly retreats to the outside in the early going. Rhino is setting up for the Gore on Taurus when Moose trips him up from the outside. Rhino and Taurus team up on Moose, taking him out with double back elbows. Moose turns it around with Go To Hell on Taurus. Moose attempts the No Jackahmmer Needed Spear but Rhino counters into a belly-to-belly suplex. Moose uses the referee as a human shield to avoid the Gore, just like at Hard To Kill. Rhino attempts it again and is successful on the second attempt. Taurus head butts Rhino and pins Moose to steal the win.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – Taurus and Rhino worked really well together. Hell, I wish this had been a singles bout between the two. Moose did fine, but he felt like an after-thought regardless. The match was a two-man feat that was booked to be a three-man act.

Match #2: Joey Ryan def. Maximo

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

IMPACT Wrestling takes on Lucha Libre AAA in this matchup. Joey tells Maximo to touch it but like most, Maximo knows better and goes on the attack. Maximo launches himself off the top and hits an elbow drop. Maximo attempts an Atomic Drop but it ends up hurting him more than Joey. Maximo kisses Joey, allowing him to score a very close near fall. Joey connects with Sweet Tooth music to win.

My Opinion: 1.6 out of 5 – My advice: don’t watch this. It made no sense and confused me to the point of tumor. That being said, I would think you very brave for watching this.

Match #3: Havok w/ Father James Mitchell & Susie def. Rosemary

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The next chapter of the Dark War is set to unfold in Mexico City. Rosemary launches herself off the apron, taking out Havok with a Hurricanrana on the floor. They fight up the ramp where Havok hits a vicious Samoan Drop on the unprotected steel. Rosemary gains momentum with a series of running strikes, followed by the Slingblade. Instead of going for the follow-up pin, Rosemary is distracted by the presence of Mitchell at ringside. He gets up on the apron but Rosemary blinds him with the green mist. Havok capitalizes off the distraction and hits the Tombstone to win.

My Opinion: 1.9 out of 5 – At least Rosemary wo…wait, she lost. Damn it.

Match #4: Willie Mack def. Rohit Raju w/ Gama Singh & Shera

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Willie takes control with a Hurricanrana. Shera distracts Willie from the apron, allowing Rohit to roll him up for a near fall. Willie sets up Rohit in the corner but Shera pulls him to safety. Willie soars through the air and takes them both out on the floor. Willie connects with a Standing Moonsault but Rohit kicks out at two. Rohit misses the double foot stomp off the top. Willie hits the Stunner to win.

My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Mack looked good, but the match was like watching a gumball get humped by a wild boar. I don’t know how that analogy works, but it just does. Mack deserves better than a random match with ISIS-lite. Hey, you tell me what the Desi Hit Squad sounds like to most folks.

Match #5: (Main Event) X-Division Champion Ace Austin & Knockouts Champion Taya Valkyrie w/ John E Bravo def. Trey & World Champion Tessa Blanchard

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Trey is about to fly when Taya stops him. Instead, Trey and Tessa take to the skies and hit in-sync dives on both of their opponents. Taya and Tessa brawl on the outside. In the ring, Ace hits Trey with a big roundhouse kick for a two count. Taya wears down Trey on her side of the ring, preventing him from getting the tag to Tessa. Ace illegally chokes Trey behind the referees back. Trey builds momentum with a big kick. Trey tags in Tessa but the referee is distracted by John E Bravo and doesn’t see it. Trey finally makes a successful tag to Tessa who goes on the attack. Trey hits a springboard Flatliner. Tessa takes out Taya on the floor. Meanwhile, Ace connects with The Fold on Trey to win.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – Ace was the star here, even with the two big-time women in here. Ace just…he had a great night. There. That puts that to bed. Every-body looked really good here, but Ace was on fire. The action was good and there were even small flashes of brilliance overall, but this was Ace’s night.

News Of The Night:

  1. Eddie Edwards and Michael Elgin are starting a Best Of 5 Series, next week.
  2. Johnny Swinger wants to be Willie Mack’s partner.
  3. Tommy Dreamer tried to get Joey Ryan back in wrestler’s court, but he said no.
  4. Rob Van Dam thinks that Joey Ryan stole his moves.

Final Verdict: 2.7/5

I’m being a bit generous with this, but the main event was good and some good matches were teased for the future, so I’ll be nice.

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