10th Jan2020

‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Jan 8th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and this show sucks. I’m kidding, but AEW does have problems. Often, this show will just feel like a less-insulting version of Raw. There’s too much sports-entertainment going on in this pro wrestling league. If you’re gonna be the alternative, then be the alternative. Okay, here comes the good news/bad news…Heath Ledger is dead. Crikey!

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Match #1: Kenny Omega & Adam Page defeated Private Party

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“Their young age belies their calm in-ring demeanor,” said Excalibur of the team of Private Party. “Hangman” Adam Page and Marq Quen started off for their respective teams, as the hot Memphis crowd chanted “Cowboy $hit” at the “Hangman.” Private Party were quick to utilize their tandem offense on Page. After a lateral press, Marq Quen covered Page for a one-count. Page powered back with a shoulder tackle and a suplex on Private Party, and tagged in Kenny Omega. Page and Omega seemed to be on the same frequency tonight, with quick tags to each other, in and out, and coordinating their chops on Kassidy and Quen. Kassidy hit a flat liner on the “Best Bout Machine” Omega from the outside of the ring to the inside, and was able to get the tag to Marq Quen. Marq Quen went vertical on both Omega and Page, and then connected with a 450 splash on “Hangman” Page for a near fall. “Hangman” caught Marq Quen, who had launched himself off the top rope, and planted him with a fall away slam. Page power bombed Kassidy. Omega, who had been tagged in, hit a V-trigger knee on Kassidy! With their speed and agility, Private Party blasted one of their finishers, “Silly String,” on Omega, but he kicked out! Private Party hit a double dropkick on Page, who fell into Omega (who had been perched on the top rope). Private Party hit Gin & Juice on Omega, but it wasn’t enough to stop the “Best Bout Machine.” After a great start, the Elite team of Page and Omega were getting their wires and signals crossed. Finally, after they used a buckshot lariat V-trigger combo, Kenny Omega was able to gain the victory for his team.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was a good opener that favored the talent of Page and Omega more than PP…gotta whiz? George Gershwin is a punk-ass b—-. I Rhapsody In Blue tarp and break corpse into dog kibble. Russia hate the music! USSR! Yes, comrade, this match was good. Page and Omega attacked black and showed great strength. Long live winners of match!

Match #2: RIHO defeated Kris Statlander – All Elite Wrestling Women’s Title Match

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

RIHO delivered strikes to Statlander, and then double-boots and a hurracarana. Statlander caught RIHO with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Statlander missed a moonsault, as RIHO wisely slid out of the way. RIHO climbed to the top rope and Statlander met her there. Statlander gave her a stalling vertical suplex, her power on full display in Memphis. TCB! “The Nightmare Collective” (Awesome Kong and the newly recruited Mel) casually walked to the ringside. Statlander, like an intergalactic spacecraft, crashed onto Awesome Kong with a tope suicida. Brandi Rhodes left the broadcast table and joined her “Nightmare Collective.” Statlander left the ring and approached Brandi. Before Statlander could hit Brandi, Luther—the infamous Japanese deathmatch pro wrestler (and the mysterious man seen in previous “Nightmare Collective” videos)—held back her arm. RIHO jumped onto Luther from the top turnbuckle, and the match continued! RIHO captured Statlander’s leg, but Statlander rolled out. Statlander tried to finish RIHO with a giant gorilla slam, but RIHO took her down with a crucifix bomb! Statlander used her size advantage again; she lifted RIHO, but Awesome Kong pulled out Statlander’s legs right from under her. RIHO was able to capitalize for the roll up victory!

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – This was a waste of two great wrestlers. They were given time, but the booking of the Nightmare Collective here ruined the flow of the action. I sound like Pat Morita. Wax on, wax off…loser. Why did they do this to a championship match? Assholes.

Match #3: Sammy Guevara defeated Christopher Daniels

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The two men locked up, but with over 26 years of in-ring experience, Daniels caught young Guevara with an arm drag. “Daniels is firing on all cylinders,” said Excalibur, as CD slammed Sammy. The tides shifted, and Sammy stomped on Daniel’s back. Sammy used the ropes to work over Daniels’ throat. Sammy used a hook kick to Daniels’ jaw, and then ascended to the top rope. Sammy went for a 450 splash, but Daniels moved. Daniels used an exploder on Sammy, then a dropkick and a clothesline for good measure! Daniels yelled “Angels Wings,” signaling his finisher, but Sammy avoided it! Sammy hit a running shooting star press, but Daniels kicked out at two! Daniels planted Sammy with the STO, but Pentagon, standing at the entrance ramp, interrupted, saying, “Hey amigo, show me if you can!” While Daniels was distracted by Penta, Sammy connected with a shot to the back of Daniels’ head for the victory. Excalibur said “The crisis of conscious continues to affect the ‘Fallen Angel’ Christopher Daniels.”

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was doing…okay. I never thought a match between these two would be this disappointing. There was more screwy stuff with the booking here that pissed me off. It’s in the re-cap above, but distraction finishes suck and they always will. Well, at least the action was good when it didn’t get bogged down by the booking.

Match #4: Cody Rhodes & Dustin Rhodes defeated The Lucha Bros

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

“Some consider them the best tag team in the world,” said Jim Ross of the Lucha Bros. Tony Schiavone added: “Great contrast in styles here.” This was the first time the teams were facing each other. Pentagon went for the package pile driver, but Cody, utilizing a wide base, escaped and tagged in brother Dustin. Fenix was tagged in by his brother. It escalated in no time, with Fenix diving onto Dustin, and Pentagon stomping onto him (after another quick tag). Pentagon kicked at Dustin’s leg, trying to knot up the thigh muscle. Dustin tried to fight his way out of the corner. Fenix went to the outside and grabbed a steel chair, but Arn Anderson saw it and knocked it out of his hands. Dustin hit a spine buster onto Fenix and tagged Cody. Cody’s offense was combustible, as he nailed a tope suicida, then a bicycle kick. He tried for CrossRhodes onto Rey Fenix, but Fenix connected with a cutter! Dustin was tagged in and used a Canadian destroyer on Fenix, and then the Final Reckoning onto Fenix for the pin fall. This match was utterly explosive!

My Opinion: 3.6 out of 5 – This started off really strong, but it waned to some degree as time went on. The Luchas were f—— nuts here, doing stuff that makes my ass curl-up into a Cheetos. Cheetos? Is it plural all the time like that? Anyway, this match had something going on, but it fell off for some reason.

Match #5: (Main Event) Jurassic Express (Luchasaurus, Jungle Boy, & Marko Stunt) defeated The Best Friends (Chuck Taylor & Trent) & Orange Cassidy

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Marko Stunt, the hometown hero, was psyching himself up to go at it with Trent. Trent knocked him down. The crowd was firmly behind Marko, who rolled up Trent with an inside cradle. Marko tagged Jungle Boy, and they hit the ripcord combo onto Trent. Chuck Taylor hit a falcon arrow on Jungle Boy, but a caffeinated Marko made the save. Luchasaurus entered into the mix and hit round kicks to the Best Friends. Lucha’s tail whip leveled Trent! Orange Cassidy unleashed his “freshly squeezed” offense, wiping out Jurassic Express. Marko Stunt was isolated, but Marko spiked Trent with a Canadian destroyer! Jungle Boy was quick to capitalize on the momentum and picked up the pin on Trent.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – Marko Stunt was really notable here, mostly because he did was shorter than any-one but still managed to look tough. That being said, the star here was Jungle Boy, who is already looking more like a star after his match with Chris Jericho. As a pure wrestling match, you aren’t getting much, but for spectacle, there’s enough here to have some fun with.

News Of The Night:

  1. Luther, the legendary Japanese Death-Match wrestler (who I’ve never heard of…I’ll research him), debut with the Nightmare Collective to interfere in the Women’s Title Match.
  2. Christopher Daniels turned down an invitation to join the Dark Order.
  3. DDP was attacked by MJF and The Butcher & The Blade after an excellent promo from DDP and MJF.
  4. Jon Moxley turned down the offer to be in the Inner Circle, because he just wants the World Title.

Final Verdict: 2.3/5

I really wanted like this, but the show sacrificed good wrestling in favor of bad storyline development.

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