08th Jan2020

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Jan 7th 2020)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and I wrote some comments on Disqus today. I got three negative comments and I’m a sad guy. Wait…I don’t care. You can type in my name and see my comments on…certain websites. Some dink took issue with me hyphenating “every-thing”. You’re supposed to hyphenate that word. It’s a compound word. Every-thing isn’t a real word. It’s a lazy word. The English language is filled with lazy words. I should know, because I’m about to use a lot of them right now. Anyway, we’ve got the build for Hard To Kill coming to a boil. Tessa Blanchard might be a World Champion very soon. Whether you’re into that or not, that’s a big piece of history that might be on the horizon.

impact-wrestling-header

Match #1: Michael Elgin def. Eddie Edwards

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Elgin pulls Eddie up and over his head, slamming Eddie to the mat. Eddie counters a vertical suplex attempt into a vertical suplex of his own. Eddie hits a top rope Hurricanrana, followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb for a near fall. Elgin catches Eddie in mid-air and connects with a Uranage. Both men exchange chops and strikes in the corner, neither one backing down. Elgin hits a German Suplex but Eddie comes right back with the Boston Knee Party. Eddie hits a Sunset Flip Powerbomb but it’s not enough. Elgin finally puts Eddie away with a thunderous Elgin Bomb.

My Opinion: 3.7 out of 5 – This was no much for psychology, but this was a tremendous spectacle. These guys got nearly twenty minutes to chop and slam the Hell out of each other (that’s a good thing to get rid of too). The match these guys are booked for is still on for Hard To Kill, but they got away with giving it away before-hand due to this not being for the title shot trophy. I’d hate to piss either of these guys off, but neither of them should wanna piss me off if there aren’t anymore doughnuts. Krsipy Kreme right off the conveyor belt…ahhhhhhhhghlaaaaaaaa. That’s a drooling sound. I’m a pig. These guys are not pigs, however, because they are bulls and this ring was their china/China/is it capitalized or not shop. This was a hell of a way to start the show.

Match #2: Desi Hit Squad (Mahabali Shera, Rohit Raju & Raj Singh) w/ Gama Singh def. Fallah Bahh, TJP & Daga

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Gama mistakenly hits Raj when he was aiming for Daga on the floor. Fallah runs the ropes but gets tired. Luckily, he falls right on top of Rohit for a two count. Rohit regains momentum when he plants Daga face first into the mat. Daga sidesteps a charging Raj, sending him crashing into his own parter Rohit. TJP connects with a springboard forearm to Raj. Daga takes out both Shera and Rohit with a Hurricanrana arm drag. Daga soars through the air, crashing into all three members of the Desi Hit Squad on the outside. The big man Fallah is next to fly as he collides with the Desi Hit Squad. Raj trips up TJP from the outside, allowing Shera to hit Sky High for the win.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – The better wrestlers lost, but the winners were the established team, so that’s fair. I liked seeing Daga really take charge here, as well as TJP (who showed more personality than usual…cool). Bahh did well and his continued loss of weight has done wonders for his wrestling abilities (Bahh does a dive here that made the floor practically shake). Overall, this was a fun bout that made the regular team look pretty good, but not at the expense of the losers.

Match #3: Havok w/ Father James Mitchell def. Rosemary

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Rosemary dives off the apron, hitting Havok with a Hurricanrana on the floor. Rosemary gets in the face of Mitchell. He calls for Havok to save him but Rosemary sidesteps, causing Havok to crash into Mitchell. Rosemary attempts a dive through the ropes but Havok cuts her off with a forearm. During the match, Suzie has somehow escaped from the room she was locked in and makes her way to ringside. Don Callis assists Suzie in putting on the headset as she joins him and Josh Mathews on commentary. Mitchell is furious and intimidates Suzie to leave the desk. Mitchell covers her eyes as Havok demolishes Rosemary with the Tombstone Piledriver to win.

My Opinion: 2.3 out of 5 – This never really got going enough for my taste, but the big hits looked good, so they deserve credit for that. Boy, I sure sound like a whiny, nasally little b—-, don’t I? Make no mistake that this match was not bad because there was no effort, but because the booking took the focus off of the fighting in favor of some non-sense with Suzie/Su Yung.

Match #4: Jordynne Grace, ODB & Tenille Dashwood def. Taya Valkyrie, Kiera Hogan & Madison Rayne

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Jordynne plants Madison face-first into the mat. Madison regains control with an Enzuigiri. Team Taya begins to wear down Jordynne until she’s able to build momentum and get the hot tag to ODB. Taya receives a Bronco Buster from ODB and then slams her to the mat in front of the corner turnbuckles. Jordynne hits Taya with a top rope splash and goes for the pin, but she’s not the legal woman. ODB throws Jordynne to the outside and scores a huge pin on the longest reigning Knockouts Champion of all time.

My Opinion: 2.2 out of 5 – Like the last match, these ladies tried, but the match just never got out of first gear. Hey, at least this got all six of these wrestlers on TV. Go cash those checks with pride…while I trade tricks for treats. Was this your card? Give me candy.

Match #5: (Main Event) Brian Cage & Rhino def. Moose & Rob Van Dam w/ Katie Forbes

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Cage and Rhino take Moose sky high with a double team back body drop. Rhino sets up for the Gore on RVD but Katie trips him up from ringside. RVD hits a running dropkick to take advantage of the distraction. Moose attempts a vertical suplex on Rhino but Rhino reverses and hits a vertical suplex of his own. Cage hits his RVD with a superkick, followed by a big German suplex. RVD teases going for Rolling Thunder but stops because he’s not going to give the fans what they want. Cage punishes RVD with an F5. Rhino connects with the Gore on RVD but when he attempts to do the same to Moose, he gets sent into the turnbuckle. Moose attempts a Five Star Frog Splash. Rhino avoids it and he hits Moose with a Gore. Cage follows up with a discus clothesline on Moose to win.

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This was a firm mattress in a sea of water-beds. Serta…we’re expensive. There’s nothing bad in here, but as a match with upwards of thirteen minutes to work with, this felt a bit stunted. RVD was slow, but good, and Moose tried to hump the ring-post off of the mat. Hey, I don’t know why Moose does what he does. He named himself Moose for God’s sake! Hell, I’ve never even met God! WHAT THE HELL AM I YELLING ABOUT?! I ripped my pants today. Any-way, this had a lot of good, solid back-and-forth action that made me think of Bob The Builder drunk off his ass. Boooooob The Builder…get me hammered! I thought that Cage and Rhino were a great team and that they might be a fine pairing at some point, even if they only wrestle together occasionally. Over-all, this was a dull, yet fine way to end the card proper.

News Of The Night:

  1. James Mitchell is trying to keep Suzie from meeting people who can tell her she was killed back when she was Su Yung.
  2. Johnny Swinger tried to slip sleeping pills in Joey Ryan’s water, but Tommy Dreamer stopped him and made Swinger drink it instead.
  3. A great vignette was aired to give the Sami Callihan/Tessa Blanchard World Title Match one last thrust out the door.

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

This was a good show that started off with a real barn-burner and fizzled much of the way after that. That being said, the focus on the World Title Match was just right and really sold it as being important (which it is). I’m quite excited for Hard To Kill and I look forward to reviewing when it finally happens.

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