30th Dec2019

Friday Night Smackdown – Dec 27th 2019: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Friday Night SmackDown review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and this is the last SmackDown of the year (and maybe the decade…depending on who you ask), so let’s…AKKKKKKK!!!!!!!! I am the Emperor of the Galactic Empire! I have killed your narrator! I have conquered this review and will deliver the final word in the story of SmackDown for 2019. Let’s begi…who the devil are you? I’m Barney Gumble! BURRRRRRRRRRRP!!!!! Damn it, you filthy drunk, be gone! Also, tell Aaron Sorkin that he is an idiot. SmackDown begins…now!


Match #1: The New Day & Braun Strowman def. Shinsuke Nakamura, Cesaro & Sami Zayn

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The all-star squad of The New Day & Braun Strowman squared off against Shinsuke Nakamura, Cesaro & Sami Zayn in an absolutely loaded Six-Man Tag Team Match on Friday Night SmackDown. Nakamura, Cesaro and Zayn attempted to neutralize not just the legal man on the opposing side, but also their partners at ringside, seeming to make a concerted effort to prevent Strowman from tagging in. However, once Kofi Kingston found an opening, he tagged The Monster Among Men, which led to instant bad news for Zayn and company. Braun wrecked house, running roughshod through Nakamura, Cesaro and Zayn. Kofi intercepted Sami, who was attempting to introduce The New Day’s pancake tray into the action. The move backfired, as Kingston used it to strike Nakamura, and Strowman nailed The King of Strong Style with a massive Running Powerslam to pin the Intercontinental Champion. The celebration didn’t stop there, as Kingston & Big E urged Strowman to give the WWE Universe his best dance moves. Strowman obliged, putting on a show for Detroit faithful as they GOT THOSE HIPS!

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was middling entertainment. I, conqueror of the galaxy, am confined to watching the Village People and the Japanese girl from the Godzilla pictures pretend to fight for this interminable amount of time that went for a meager amount of time. Have my words confused you, mortal? The black Rockettes were the beacons of panache here, flashing like brilliant stars in a sea of twilight. All others in this match, besides the chocolate fools, performed their task well, but failed have mastery over The Force as the dreadlocked Coal Miner’s Daughters With Male Gentalia. The wrestling, as these simpering twits call their sport, was thorough, yet derivative, with much of the action focused on allowing the talking pillar with crotch hair on its face to look more important than the obviously more exciting Renewed Day. As pathetic as these simpletons are, the battle was enough to satiate my hunger for war. Hey, lighten up Dr. Trash Bag! Have a beer! BURRRRRRRRP!!!!!!! I wish I had that Death Star right about now, so I could destroy you Mr. Gumble!

Match #2: Carmella def. Mandy Rose

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After toppling Sonya Deville last week, Carmella looked to continue her hot streak against the other half of Fire & Desire by taking on Mandy Rose tonight on Friday Night SmackDown. Mandy, who was not accompanied by Sonya after Mandy opted against being in Deville’s corner against Carmella last week, looked to keep Princess Mella on defense in the early goings. However, God’s Greatest Creation was soon met with a stern slap and a kick straight to the dome, which kept Mandy down for three and gave Carmella her second straight clutch victory against Fire & Desire.

My Opinion: 2.1 out of 5 – This was two clucking hens pecking each other while the rooster ponders the stupidity of what he sees. How can a match be of any intrigue to the viewer of it when it only goes for so short a time? Hey! Those are some sexy ladies! BURRRRP!!!!! Be quiet you drunken oaf! Why do you look like an old broad with her head covered in cigarette dust? BURRRRRRRP!!!!! Silence you broad-shouldered buffoon!

Match #3: Daniel Bryan vs. The Miz (No Contest)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After being attacked by Roman Reigns earlier in the night, King Corbin declared that he was refusing to participate in the Triple Threat Match that was scheduled to determine who would challenge “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt for the Universal Title next month at Royal Rumble. Hence, it was determined that Bryan and Miz would square off one-on-one for the same right. Before the WWE Universe was treated to the latest installment of the iconic rivalry, King Corbin’s cronies arrived and attacked both Superstars. Bryan and The Miz made quick work of Corbin’s sedan holders, leaving “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt’s next challenger still up in the air.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Hey, this didn’t go very long at all! BURRRRRRRP!!!!! Get out of my way you blubbering idiot! The match may have only been two minutes, but…SHUT UP!!!!! I didn’t like it! It was too short! What kind of s— is this?! BURRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!! I am the Emperor of the Galactic Empire! Shut your mouth! The match was weak, like the pitiful Rebel band. Screw you! BURRRRRRRP!!!!!! I’m busy critiquing the match, you heathen. In all manner of speak, this match was disappointing. Kiss my ass, Grandma B—-! BURRRRRRRP!!!!!! How dare you speak to me this way?!

Match #4: Sasha Banks & Bayley def. Lacey Evans & Dana Brooke

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Lacey Evans was still fired up after Sasha Banks taunted Evans’ daughter right in front of The Sassy Southern Belle last week on Friday Night SmackDown. Lacey cut right to the chase during her appearance on the return of “A Moment of Bliss” with Alexa Bliss and Nikki Cross, making it clear that she would not stand for Sasha’s disrespect of her family and that she was going to march straight to the ring right now to prepare for her tag team match alongside Dana Brooke against Sasha & Bayley. However, Dana would not arrive in style, as Sasha & Bayley dragged Brooke onto the stage, prompting Evans to bolt up the ramp to even the odds. Officials broke up the melee just long enough for the match to begin. After Banks evaded Evans’ Woman’s Right (which connected with Bayley), Sasha disposed of Lacey and locked the Banks Statement onto Brooke for the submission victory. Evans was still steaming, but Banks got the literal last laugh on this night.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was just enough to appease my desire to see violence, but not enough to quench my thirst for blood. You drink blood too? BURRRRRRRRP!!!!!!! I told you to go away you mongrel!

Match #5: (Main Event) Daniel Bryan def. King Corbin and The Miz – Triple Threat Match For The Universal Title Shot At Royal Rumble 2020

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

After much delay, Daniel Bryan, The Miz and King Corbin finally squared off on Friday Night SmackDown with the winner earning the next Universal Title opportunity against “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt at Royal Rumble in January. Corbin seemed to be closing in on certain victory when Dolph Ziggler interfered on the King’s behalf, taking advantage of the No Disqualification nature of a Triple Threat Match and dropping Bryan with a superkick before placing Corbin on Bryan for an almost certain three-count. However, Roman Reigns hit the scene to break up the count and take the fight to Corbin, evening the odds in the match. With King Corbin essentially eliminated by Reigns’ onslaught, Bryan and The Miz exchanged in a dazzling conclusion, with both Superstars giving the absolute most of themselves in attempts to earn the Universal Title opportunity. Despite competing on a severely battered knee, Bryan somehow battled through a Skull-Crushing Finale and a Figure-Four Leglock, finding a way to apply the LeBell Lock to earn the victory.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – Like the Dark Side of The Force or the Golden Globes, this was pure evil and I loved it. The small, sickly skank beat bested the less talented fools and won the battle to become the challenger to the fat psycho at the Royal Rumble. This Bryan the goat-man is a valiant warrior who could destroy his enemies very easily. My congratulations to this master of the ring, Daniel Bryan, for controlling the pace of the fight and dictating the amount of action you people witnessed. Why are you so rude to every-body? BURRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!

Final Verdict: 3.2/5

This show was only enough to delay the inevitable, which is the WWE’s doom. Besides the paltry booking, this show is built around one man and his children’s show…Lord Palmerston is the greatest British Prime Minister! You fool! Pitt, The Elder is the greatest! Lord Palmerston! Pitt, The Elder! Lord Palmerston! POW!!!!! What the hell? Did some old guy choke me? Hey, who wrote the damn review? Did the old lesbian use the TalkTech? Barney Gumble? Okay… Wait…Pitt, The Elder? Lord Palmerston! POW!!!!!!!! Have a great year SmackDown! BURRRRRRRRP!!!!!!!!


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