11th Dec2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Dec 10th 2019)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we’ve got some…well, Ken Shamrock is gonna beat a hole in Sami Callihan’s head, so that’s what I’m here for. Okay, let’s get through the crap so we can talk about Ken Shamrock killing Sami Callihan with his rock-hard, old-guy pipes for arms.

impact-wrestling-header

Match #1: Rob Van Dam w/ Katie Forbes def. Rhino – Old School Rules Match w/ Tommy Dreamer as Special Referee

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Old School Rules means there are no disqualifications, no countouts and Tommy Dreamer is special referee to ensure there’s a winner. The brawl spills to the outside in the early going. Rhino swings and misses with a clothesline, causing him to wrap his arm around the steel ring post. Rhino puts a choke in with a mop handle. Rhino powerslams RVD onto a steel chair. Now it’s RVD’s turn to use the chair as he sends it into the crotch of Rhino. RVD teases going for Rolling Thunder but isn’t going to give the fans what they want to see. Rhino powerbombs RVD onto a steel chair for a two count. RVD misses a split-legged Moonsault, allowing Rhino to capitalize with a Gore through the table. Rhino is about to score the win when Katie Forbes pulls Dreamer out of the ring. RVD hits the Five Star Frog Splash to win.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was slow but good. By the way, Old School didn’t mean Bill Watts approved here. This was a nice nostalgia trip to Hardcore Alley that wasn’t nearly as dirty as usual, but it was enough to make you wanna take a quick shower afterwards.

Match #2: Moose def. Acey Romero

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Acey hurls Moose across the ring. Acey dives through the ropes, crashing into Moose on the floor. During the commercial break, Moose reverses an Irish Whip, sending Acey face-first into the steel ring post to gain the advantage. Acey runs through Moose with a big running crossbody. Moose hits a thunderous Go To Hell but Acey kicks out at two. Acey hits one of the biggest pounces of all time to build momentum. Moose connects with the No Jackhammer Needed Spear to win.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This turned out as good as an algebraic equation worked out in Steiner Math. Yes, I remember that promo and it was one of the best promos in all of wrestling. Also, they should put the chick from that Taco Bell/Sunset Hearthands commercial in a shark cage and leave here there. You take the damn picture! This match was much better than you might think it would be and that’s just fine by me.

Match #3: Fallah Bahh def. Raj Singh w/ Rohit Raju & Gama Singh

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Fallah charges at Raj and Rohit in the ring to jumpstart the match. Fallah takes control with a belly-to-belly suplex. Raj counters a Samoan Drop attempt with a spinning elbow. Raj gets the big man up for a back suplex but Fallah kicks out at two. Fallah hits a crossbody for another near fall. Gama distracts the referee, allowing Rohit to attack Fallah from behind. It doesn’t phase Fallah as he’s still able to hit Raj with the Banzai Drop to win.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – This was notable for Bahh doing some nice moves for his size (and good for any-body else). There’s a lot of As in these guy’s names. Is this how AAA got started? What a stupid joke. Okay, big fella. I’ll stop talking. This was a decent match that is better than any-thing I’ve ever done with my pathetic life.

Match #4: Rich Swann & Willie Mack def. The Rascalz (Dez & Wentz), oVe (Jake & Dave Crist), Reno Scum (Adam Thornstowe & Luster The Legend) – No 1 Contenders Tag Team Open

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

The winners of this match will challenge The North for the Tag Team Championships at Hard To Kill. Tags are not necessary and everyone is legal in this chaotic bout. Willie hits a corkscrew press over the top into Reno Scum on the floor. Swann calls for Willie but it appears Willie injured his knee on that high-risk move. Dr Ariel comes out and says Willie is unable to continue competing in the match. Swann fights for his life and he hits Reno Scum with a double cutter. Dave spikes Swann into a Tombstone Piledriver from Jake but Wentz breaks up the pin attempt. Luster launches Swann into Dave who’s stuck in the Tree of Woe in the corner. Dez flips Wentz onto Luster but it’s not enough as Jake breaks the follow up pin attempt. Swann counters a cutter attempt from oVe and rolls up Dave to win the match by himself.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This went for a while and made each team look like they knew what they were doing. What a novel idea. Is that how you say that phrase? Mine’s an inney. I love a good outie. RWWWWWAAAAAAAWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Wait…the match. Sorry. This TalkTech sure does make it easier for me to screw up my outer monologue. The right team won a match that was convincing in its pursuit of pushing the next contenders to the tag titles.

Match #5: Tessa Blanchard def. Madman Fulton (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Sami Callihan handpicked Fulton to go one-on-one with Tessa here tonight. Fulton rag dolls Tessa in the corner. Tessa builds momentum with an incredible show of strength as she sunset flips Fulton. Tessa dropkicks Fulton the outside and hits him with a dive, followed by a tilt-a-whirl DDT. Tessa goes for Magnum but Jake Crist pushes her off the top, causing the disqualification.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was just enough to fill a few minutes. Tessa deserves so much better at this point than a match like this.

Match #6: (Main Event) Sami Callihan def. Ken Shamrock (Referee Stoppage)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Callihan spits in the face of Shamrock, prompting Shamrock to clobber him with a kick. They brawl around the ringside area as Callihan sends Shamrock into the steel guardrail. Shamrock kicks out at two after a Death Valley Driver from Callihan. Shamrock charges into into the corner but Callihan uses the referee as a shield, causing him to get hit instead. Callihan attempts to use the World Title as a weapon but Shamrock ducks and locks in the ankle lock. Callihan taps but there is no referee. Fulton attacks Shamrock from behind and lays him out with a swinging slam. Callihan locks in an ankle lock of his own and Shamrock is knocked unconscious. The referee recovers and calls for the bell.

My Opinion: 2.9 out of 5 – While Ken did slow down half-way through, he offered plenty of solid wrestling for the younger, faster Sami to work with. It’s a shame that this wasn’t more technically minded, since that would have done great things for the match, but what we got was about five minutes of not bad. Yeah, there’s your ringing endorsement of the year. Overall, this was getting some-where when the match ended too abruptly.

News Of The Night:

  1. Rob Van Dam and Brian Cage are being teased as a feud for the future.
  2. Suzie/Su Yung is starting to remember that Havoc killed her.
  3. Michael Elgin and Eddie Edwards will fight for the Title shot at Hard To Kill.
  4. After a terrible Wrestler’s Court segment, Joey Ryan was booked to fight Acey Romero, next week.

Final Verdict: 3/5

There were some good matches on here, but this felt like a show going at a snail’s crawl toward some-thing that was just a bit in front of them the whole time.

Off

Comments are closed.