20th Nov2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Nov 19th 2019)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have a huge Gauntlet Match to get to, so let’s rev-up the ol’ TalkTech and write the greatest review ever! Also, this TalkTech equipment allows me to hack into NATO and change their passwords. Username: f—face69 any-one? Buahahahahahahahaha! This thing is so cool, that it even transcribes my maniacal laughing! Buahahahahahahahahahaha! I’m such a loser! Buahahahahahahahahaha!

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Match #1: The Rascalz defeated The Deaners, Reno Scum and Desi Hit Squad

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Cody Deaner dove through the ropes, taking out everybody by the ramp. Cousin Jake then tosses Adam Thornstowe over the ropes with the Overhead Release Suplex. It would be Dez’s turn as he lands the Cartwheel Handspring Space Flying Tiger Drop over the ropes. Dez and Wentz hit the Hot Fire Flame onto Cousin Jake and they pick up the win.

My Opinion: 2.8 out of 5 – This was a fun mash-up of teams fighting in the name of a small, yet eclectic division. The Rascalz were the best teams to win the match and proved it by doing their usual stoned-aerialist routine. This was a decent way to open the show, but having fewer teams involved likely would have helped this become a stronger match. In any case, this still managed to be interesting, which is never a bad thing.

Match #2: Jordynne Grace defeated Taya Valkyrie & John E. Bravo

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Bravo attempts the clothesline on Jordynne but misses. Jordynne then dives through the ropes onto the floor and takes out Bravo. Taya grabs Jordynne’s ankle while Bravo hits her in the back with the Double Axe Handle. Jordynne begins an onslaught on Bravo while Taya escapes up the ramp. She would make quick work of Bravo and pins him for the victory.

My Opinion: 2.4 out of 5 – Well, this began and ended. What a waste of Grace and Taya. This was a short comedy thing that had the right kind of action, but couldn’t manage to be much other than a sneeze.

Match #3: Johnny Swinger defeated Buck Gunderson

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Swinger was in control of this match from the beginning. Buck Gunderson would hit a couple of dropkicks onto Swinger but that’s all he could manage. Swinger lands the Swinger Neckbreaker and gets the victory.

My Opinion: 1.6 out of 5 – There was a drop-kick in here somewhere that I liked. This was really short…like my Wee-Willie-Winkie.

Match #4: (Main Event) Tessa Blanchard defeated Michael Elgin, Rich Swann, Moose, Daga and Brian Cage – Six Person Elimination Challenge Match For The Number 1 Contendership To The Impact World Title

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Moose and Daga open up this match. Daga was in control of the match early, using his speed and athleticism. Daga gets the first pin attempt but Moose wouldn’t be held down for long. He lands the No Jackhammer Needed and gets the victory. Next up was Rich Swann to face Moose. Moose lands a huge Dropkick on Rich and sends him flying out of the ring. Rich hits a cutter on Moose but he’s able to kick out at the last second. Moose gains the upper hand and attempts the No Jackhammer Needed but Rich is able to counter into a pinfall victory. Then it was Michael Elgin’s turn to face Rich. Elgin was overpowering Rich early and hits a One Arm Dragon Suplex, appearing to take Rich out. He counters Elgin’s next attack with two Reverse Ranas and almost gets the pin but Elgin kicks out. Elgin regains control of the match and has Rich cornered, almost looking knocked out. He was just about to punch Rich but the referee would grab Elgin’s arm, stopping him. He turns around to shove the referee and is disqualified, sending Rich Swann on to face Brian Cage. Rich seemed to be running on fumes at this point, he had been in the ring for over 30 minutes. He was able to land a few good kicks on Brian and even attempted the Phoenix Splash but came up short. Brian hits Weapon X and defeated Rich Swann. The last competitor is Tessa Blanchard, and she came out swinging. Her relentless, non-stop offence was proving to be trouble for Brian. She lands two dives on Brian but he catches her third attempt and hits the F5, sending her crashing down on the apron. Cage was in total control at one point, tossing her around the ring. Tessa lands the DDT but couldn’t keep Brian down as he kicks out. She would then land a Cutter followed by a Buzzsaw DDT but again Brian kicks out. Tessa counters Brian’s attack and lands the Magnum, coming within milliseconds of victory but Brian is able to break free. Brian attempts to land Weapon X and Tessa counters again, pinning him for the victory.

My Opinion: 5 out of 5 – F–k it. This was incredible. History was made in Tessa winning and the wrestling was more than what it needed to be. Going almost an hour, this was the kind of match that Impact has been in need of. Every-body came out of this looking stronger than when they came in, especially Rich and Tessa. The action was relentless and the match was primed for greatness with each passing second. Wow.

News Of The Night:

  1. The Trey/Ace Austin feud continued with Ace and Reno Scum attacking The Rascalz.
  2. Rob Van Dam skipped Impact to have sex with Katie Forbes.
  3. The Desi Hit Squad attacked Fallah Bahh.
  4. Jim Mitchell is trying to manipulate Suzie (Su Yung).
  5. Ken Shamrock beat the piss out of Johnny Swinger for s——- in his bag last week.
  6. Next week Impact will be, if I understand this correctly, a retro special edition of Impact.
  7. Tessa Blanchard will get a World Title shot, making here, possibly, the first woman to do this in any major league in wrestling history (I’ll check again and see if this is true or not).

Final Verdict: 4.5/5

This was the epitome of the one-match show. The first hour was okay, but the second had the 5 star classic, so how can I be upset about that weak first hour?

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