‘All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite’ Review (Oct 30th 2019)

Welcome to this week’s All Elite Wrestling: Dynamite review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have Dead Turner returning from the underworld BRAINS! In the name of Bill Pullman, kiss my grits and lick my…arm? I had a god one, but since that’s a lie, then you know I just stumbled my way through this opening paragraph. We’ve got more build for Full Gear, so don’t make like a tree and get out of here.

Match #1: Adam Page defeated Sammy Guevara

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Jim Ross said Guevara reminded him of a young Eddy Guerrero. The crowd was firmly behind Page, chanting “Let’s go Hangman!” before the bell rang. Page chopped Guevara and knocked him down with a big boot to the head. Guevara rebounded quickly with a suplex and chops of his own. Page paint-brushed Guevara with a slap to “the Spanish God” Sammy Guevara in the corner. Sammy hit a thrust kick on Page, but the “Hangman” turned Sammy inside out with a crisp lariat. Guevara was the victim of a sidewalk slam on the ring apron from Page, which was followed up by a moonsault to the outside onto Guevara. “Hangman” scored a huge pinfall victory with the buckshot lariat onto Sammy Guevara.

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was pretty damn good for a match that went less than ten minutes. This erred more on the WWE side of things, but it still looked great for what they did. Sammy can really wrestle, that much is certain. Why had no one signed him before AEW? Do you like salmon? These guys liked smacking the piss out of each other. There’s plenty to enjoy here, like Page going all “Silverado” on Petey Paco’s ass. Holy Guacamole! This vas a gudin’! That’s a foreign sounding way of saying I like this match. I liked it for the pace, the atmosphere and because the right man won the right way.

Match #2: Hikaru Shida defeated Shanna

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The two immediately locked up in the center of the ring, with both women jockeying for position. Shanna took Shida down with an arm drag and then a flipping neck breaker. Shanna tried a dive outside the ring, but Shida had it scouted and met her with a knee. Shida set up a chair on the outside, launched herself off it, and floored Shanna with a leaping knee square to Shanna’s face. Shida began to work Shanna’s lower back. Shanna tried to fight her way up to a vertical position, but Shida delivered aggressive knees. Shanna was able to reverse the momentum with a double foot stomp to Shida, and then a running punt. The tables were quickly turned in Shanna’s favor. Shida managed a suplex to Shanna from the outside back into the ring for a two-count on Shanna. Shida hit a running knee and then a falcon arrow on Shanna for another two-count! Finally, Shida scored the victory after a running knee that had pinpoint accuracy on Shanna!

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was good, but slow. This felt like watching a web-page load in 1998…it took forever, but was worth the wait. There was plenty of smart transitions here, but what was transitioned into was not always as exciting as it could have been. The finish was explosive though, like my last marriage to Sandy Duncan’s glass eye. Not bad for what it was, but I was hoping for a more spirited bout and got a decent one instead.

Match #3: Best Friends & Orange Cassidy defeated Jon Silver, Alex Reynolds and QT Marshall

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Trent nailed a swinging DDT on Silver, and then Taylor cleaned house. The Best Friends tried to hug, but QT Marshall cut them off. Orange Cassidy delivered freshly squeezed kicks and then a tope suicida (while keeping his hands in his pockets the entire time, naturally), before Chuck Taylor and Trent sealed the fate of their opponents with tandem offense for the finisher! Wubba lubba A-E dub dub!

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – This was pretty lousy. Rick and Morty? Who gives a $#!@ about Rick and Morty? In any case, these guys were getting somewhere, but the squash match/cartoon show combo brought the momentum of the show to a screeching halt. World Championship Wrestling did a Robocop cross-over that started a terrible trend in wrestling featuring celebrity stunts that no one pays for. I kept waiting for Adult Swim to pop-up and let us all know that Frylock is still a lesbian. Okay, this was a waste of time.

Match #4: The Elite (The Young Bucks & Kenny Omega) defeated The Hybrid2 (Angelico, Jack Evans) and Kip Sabian

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

The Elite were in the Halloween spirit and wore costumes. Sabian and Hybrid2 ambushed the Elite in the ring. Hybrid2 double-teamed Omega until the Bucks assisted their friend with incredible offense combinations. “Superbad” Sabian hit a suplex on Matt Jackson, and then perched Matt on the top rope. Sabian hit a hurracarana on Matt. Hybrid2 double-teamed Matt, and Angelico applied a submission on Matt. Eventually Matt managed to escape and speared Sabian for a two-count! Sabian hit a spectacular reverse rana on Matt, but he tagged in Omega who dished out snapdragons to all three of his opponents. Trick or treat!? Nick Jackson hit a superkick on Sabian. Omega nailed Angelico with a devastating V-Trigger! Then Omega connected with a V-Trigger to Jack Evans, which was followed up with a One-Winged Angel for the pin!

My Opinion: 3.4 out of 5 – This was a fine match that had brawling on the menu. That’s the worst food analogy yet. I like to dress as a horse when I go out on a date with Republicans. This was good back and forth stuff featuring wrestlers who have boundless amounts of talent. Did you know that there’s a brothel that has chicks that think they’re cats? If you’re a feminist and reading this, look it up and tell me if you think I should have put that less bluntly? What ever happened to going out to dinner? Do women not eat food any-more? Well, I know you love wrestling, because you are reading a review that included Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty!? Screw that $#!@. This is the kind of match that AEW needs to rely one, not celebrity crossovers that don’t draw. Whoops! I fell through my own soap box.

Match #5: (Main Event) SCU (Frankie Kazarian & Scorpio Sky) defeated The Lucha Bros (Pentagon Jr. & Rey Fenix) – All Elite Wrestling World Tag Team Title Tournament Finals

The following is courtesy of allelitewrestling.com:

Private Party was watching from ringside, while the Dark Order was shown backstage with their minions lurking around. The crowd was amped for the match before it even began, chanting “A-E-Dub! A-E-Dub!” Kazarian and Pentagon started things for their respective teams, but it quickly broke down as all four men were in the ring slugging it out. Pentagon hit a backstabber on Sky, then a driver on Kazarian! Sky hit right hands and kicks on Pentagon, before Pentagon gave a sling blade to Sky. AEW Official Aubrey Edwards had her hands full, with both teams taking things to the next level with their state of the art tag team offense. Kazarian slammed Fenix, and gave a guillotine leg drop to Pentagon. Sky hit a reverse mule kick on Fenix from the outside, and Kazarian followed up with a German suplex. Fenix gouged Kazarian’s eyes to escape. Fenix tossed Kazarian out of the ring, and then hit an over-the-top leg drop on him! The Lucha Bros. cut the ring in half and isolated Kazarian from his partner Scorpio Sky. Kazarian dug deep and hit Angel’s Wings on Fenix out of sheer desperation, securing a tag from Scorpio Sky! There was a tope con hilo from Scorpio Sky onto Pentagon, and the action spilled back into the ring. Pentagon hit a destroyer on a wobbly Kazarian, while Fenix hit a cutter on Sky, but Sky kicked out at two! Pentagon powerbombed Kazarian through the timekeeper’s table. It was two on one now, with Sky eating a superkick. The Lucha Bros attempted the package piledriver stomp combo, but Scorpio Sky hit a roll up for the victory! Your inaugural AEW Tag Team Champions—SCU!

My Opinion: 4 out of 5 – Now we’re talking. This was the right way to end this tournament. SCU has been one of the best teams in wrestling for several years, starting back to when it was just Christopher Daniels and Frankie Kazarian. When you think of tag team wrestling, this is usually the kind of match that comes to mind, regardless on your preference of moves or pace. This was a match that was concerned with atmosphere as much as any-thing else. Dead Turner thought this match BRAINS! Tags were made judiciously, but still often enough to remind you that this is a tag match. This was not the spot-fest you might have expected. This was strong, smart wrestling with a sense of grandeur that is often missing from wrestling. As a debut for AEW’s Tag Team Titles, this was about as good as you can ask for.

News Of The Night:

1. The Inner Circle ruled the night by attacking The Rock N’ Roll Express, Dustin Rhodes and The Young Bucks.
2. Jon Moxley cut a great promo on him being an outlaw in AEW and why he’s going to maim Kenny Omega in a Lights Out Match at Full Gear (would’ve been better if this promo came after a match between Omega and Moxley).
3. The Rick and Morty cross-over was several of the wrestlers dressing like the cartoon in cheap masks and obnoxious costumes.
4. Cody Rhodes and Tony Schiavone copied the Ric Flair “Limo” angle from early World Championship Wrestling to set-up Cody and Chris Jericho for a contract signing.
5. There was an interesting vignette that might have just been for Kenny Omega (video game graphics teasing some-one is coming for Kenny Omega/friend to Omega.
6. Brandi Rhodes did a pretentious vignette where she tried to set herself up as a voodoo queen. Why is she even on the show? She can’t do any-thing but cut promos.
7. Adam Page cut the best promo of the night on beating the $#!@ out of PAC at Full Gear.

Final Verdict: 3.3/5

AEW copied a bunch of stuff from WCW with mixed results. When the show focused on wrestling, it was great. AEW and promos don’t go together too well yet. Moxley can talk and Page proved his way of talking elicits a reaction, but not much else feels right. AEW is good at producing promos, but they either let them go too long (not WWE long) or use them in place of a match (bad idea). Just stick with the basics and let the wrestlers make the show exciting, not the brand itself.