17th Sep2019

WWE Raw – Sept 16th 2019: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s review of Raw, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and Randolph Scott was uglier than a mother-!@#$%&. On tonight’s edition of Dateline, we look in to the murder of Tiffany Amastner, a crime whose prime suspect was…a carrot. Good God! Also, podcasts are for people who are to boring for radio and too ugly for TV. Podcasts are stupid. Just Eat At Joe’s, instead. It’s time to prepare considering pondering pontificating thinking about nothing. Oh, here comes Raw…

2018-raw-logo

Match #1: The O.C. def. Cedric Alexander & The Viking Raiders

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

As he declared last night at Clash of Champions, Cedric Alexander isn’t letting a loss to AJ Styles stop him from making another run at the United States Title. He’d better buckle in for the long haul, however, as Styles and The O.C. are clearly planning on making that prospective climb as hard as humanly possible for the former WWE Cruiserweight Champion. Styles, Luke Gallows & Karl Anderson were all over Alexander during a Six-Man Tag Team Match that paired the 205 Live veteran with The Viking Raiders, but unlike last week’s 10-man melee in Madison Square Garden, Alexander couldn’t close. The high-flying Superstar landed on the receiving end of a Phenomenal Forearm and a post-match attack from the entire O.C. Also unlike last night, Alexander refused to take it lying down, throwing hands with Styles after Gallows & Anderson splintered off to brawl with The Viking Raiders. Styles nevertheless ended the night with the upper hand, silencing Alexander with a wicked Styles Clash off the turnbuckle.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was a fun little thing that was low on the action it deserved to have, but hopped up on enough goofy juice to stay awake long enough to…run-on sentence. Hey, at least Styles won.

Match #2: Baron Corbin def. Chad Gable – 2019 King of the Ring Tournament Finals Match

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

He really did it. Baron Corbin is the King of the Ring, and not an angry tweet in the world is going to change that. He earned it, too, capping off a wildly impressive run with a truly hard-fought victory over SmackDown LIVE’s resident wrestling machine, Chad Gable — as likely a candidate as any for champion of the future, but one who’ll have to settle for second place after a last-second heartbreak at the hands of the newly-crowned king. “Heartbreak” is an apropos word to describe Gable’s fate in this tournament. The grappler made like his unofficial motto, scratching and clawing every step of the way to the visible frustration of Corbin, whose inability to put Gable away led to a comeback wherein the Olympian connected with Chaos Theory and entwined The Lone Wolf’s legs in a grapevine Ankle Lock. Unfortunately for Gable, none of his big moves were enough to keep Corbin down, and the grappler decided to simply throw hands in the corner. Corbin shoved his opponent away, Gable countered with a sprint into a headscissors, Corbin swung him into the End of Days and that was it. Baron Corbin now sits the throne, whether you like it or not. All that remains is his coronation on SmackDown LIVE to make it official.

My Opinion: 3.8 out of 5 – This was the match of the night. I loved how Baron didn’t suck ass. Both guys worked very hard here and it showed from bell to bell. Gable is some-thing else, like a monkey with a velvet ass. I said ass twice in the same review. I feel like Donny Osmond. Ass! Marie! Ass! Baron is still not a great wrestler, but he is a great performer and a dedicated one at that. This whole KOTR has been a big success. Maybe Vince will bring the tournament back next year, or even take a long walk off a short pier. Like William DeVaughn once said, “Be Thankful For What You’ve Got”, because I could just kick your ass. Marie! Ass! Overall, this was a great achievement for two guys who just wanted to get a shot at moving up the card, which I bet will happen now, thanks to their wrestling being so good.

Match #3: Ricochet def. Mike Kanellis

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Maria and Mike Kanellis are having a boy, but Raw wasn’t as much about the gender of the baby as it was the identity of the father. Right after The Street Profits helped Maria with the big reveal, the former 24/7 Champion strongly implied that Ricochet was, in fact, the father of her child, which led to a slap in the face and a call-out from poor, beleaguered Mike Kanellis. Ricochet, stunned to be in this situation, accepted the match but spent most of it trying to talk his opponent down. Kanellis’ continued intensity, however, left the former United States Champion no choice but to fight back, leading to Ricochet claiming a quick victory with the Recoil. Unfortunately, Kanellis’ woes were just beginning.

My Opinion: 1.8 out of 5 – Ricochet looked good in a match that did not. Summer Nights! Wanna sing?

Match #4: Rusev def. Mike Kanellis

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

No, Ricochet is not the father of Maria Kanellis’ unborn child. Maria was just trying to humiliate Mike to the point that he’d be motivated to defend her (operative word, her) unborn child’s honor. But an unexpected Superstar made his return to add insult to injury when Maria brought a returning, shredded Rusev to the stage, heavily implying that he, in fact, was the father of the child. At this point, Kanellis was too beaten down to even care, let alone fight back, which isn’t to say The Bulgarian Brute was about to let up. Rusev downed Mike with a Machka Kick the second the bell rang, then locked in the Accolade to secure an immediate tapout. Whether Rusev is actually the father remains to be determined. Maria has been known to lie, after all. But Mike is definitely somebody’s metaphorical son — if not Rusev’s, then at the very least, Maria’s.

My Opinion: 1.3 out of 5 – At least the match ended by submission. Also, shrinkie-dinks are cool.

Match #5: Rey Mysterio def. Cesaro

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

If there was any doubt Rey Mysterio was back in the swing of things — so to speak — his victory over Cesaro should have set the record straight. Fueled by The Swiss Cyborg’s fighting words before the bout, The Ultimate Underdog put on a clinic and grinded out a victory against his recent rival. It was a much-needed win. The only Superstar with more to prove than Mysterio is Cesaro, who is still on the hunt for a signature victory since returning to singles action. Cesaro was out to make a statement, too, working his way through the Three Amigos down the stretch in an attempt to wear Rey down mentally. But Cesaro miscalculated, revving his foe up into a 619 that hit its mark. And even though The King of Swing snatched Mysterio out of the air during the follow-up, the luchador countered with a sunset flip that put the powerhouse down for three.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a lovely little match that sounds like I work in the garden for fun. Oooooh, it’s a lovely little thing, isn’t it? Tulips and bulbs and…stupid $#!@. Why am I talking about plants? I eat meat. Meat! You really can’t go wrong with either one of these athletes winning here.

Match #6: Bayley & Sasha Banks def. Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

With Sasha Banks falling short of the Raw Women’s Championship and Bayley narrowly holding on to the SmackDown Women’s Title, it’s safe to say The Boss ‘N’ Hug Connection had a mixed night at Clash of Champions. Never ones to wallow, however, they seemingly turned things around on Raw with an impressive win over Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross. (That’s the inaugural WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions beating the current ones, for those keeping score.) After Bliss was sent to the locker room to receive medical attention, Sasha and Bayley claimed victory when The Boss cranked back on the Bank Statement to force Cross to tap out, but their victory was quickly overshadowed by the reemergence of their rivals.

My Opinion: 3.1 out of 5 – This was a nice little match that served as an demo reel for what these women can do with each other.

Match #7: Lacey Evans def. Dana Brooke

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Is Lacey Evans over losing to Natalya last week? It would appear not! The Sassy Southern Belle got back to her winning ways on Raw with a victory against Dana Brooke, but the manner in which Evans triumphed suggested that her current split series with The Queen of Harts is weighing heavily on her impeccable shoulders. Even though Lacey connected with her signature Woman’s Right, she ended the match with a variation of Natalya’s Sharpshooter. The excruciating hold forced Brooke — who looked excellent even in defeat — to submit. But Lacey’s mind was clearly on the opponent who wasn’t there, as she screamed “This is for you, Nattie!” into the camera while applying the maneuver. So, tiebreaker?

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This was excellent, considering it only lasted a few minutes. Brooke is getting better and better.

Match #8: (Main Event) Seth Rollins def. Robert Roode (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

From the minute Bray Wyatt hinted at adding Seth Rollins to his “Wall of Friendship,” it was only a matter of time before The Fiend made another appearance on Raw — especially given that the two are set to battle at Hell in a Cell in three weeks. And true to form, The Fiend made his presence known when The Beastslayer was at his most vulnerable. Strangely, however, he left Rollins intact for the evening, opting to add a different name to his collection of “Friends” for the time being. That name? Kane, who came to Rollins’ aid after The Beastslayer’s main-event match against Robert Roode — decided by a disqualification when Roode’s partner Dolph Ziggler interfered to prevent a three-count after a Stomp — led to a five-on-one attack from Roode, Ziggler and The O.C. The Devil’s Favorite Demon cleaned house, only for the lights to go out and The Fiend to emerge and incapacitate the former WWE Champion with the Mandible Claw. Wyatt didn’t inflict the same punishment on Rollins, however, crawling over to the shuddering champion and going face-to-face with him as Raw dissolved into a distorted version of the Firefly Fun House theme song. They’re not friends yet, apparently. But there’s plenty of time for that.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was good while it lasted, but more nonsense kept this match from going all the way.

News Of The Night:

  1. Bray Wyatt attacked Kane after the latter saved Seth Rollins from an onslaught led by The OC.
  2. Becky Lynch made a title defense against Sasha Banks in a Hell in a Cell match.
  3. Kane won then lost the 24/7 Title from and back to R-Truth.
  4. Mike Kanellis found out his child is a boy and that he might not be the father.

Final Verdict: 2.9/5

The great King Of The Ring match made this show worth sitting through, but just barely.

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