09th Sep2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (Sept 6th 2019)

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s Impact Wrestling review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and the Impact website is good to go for being free and clear of computer viruses, so I’ll use their recap in my review. I feel like Martha Stewart with Mad Cow disease. We’ve got some good, we’ve got some bad and I saw It: Chapter 2 in an IMAX screening for $2. Go figure. Okay, let’s make like a horse with no name and get out of the rain, because we’ve got Impact Wrestling to review and better fish to fry…for eating out of a newspaper.

impact-wrestling-header

Match #1: Havok def. Su Yung (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

After weeks of Su Yung tormenting Havok with psychological mind games, we finally get the one-on-one matchup between these two. Havok is dominating in the early going. She hesitates before a leg drop, allowing Su to avoid it and hit a modified springboard knee. Havok locks in a Boston Crab. Su fights out of it, sending Havok face first into the turnbuckle. Su somersaults off the apron, crashing into Havok on the floor. Su sprays red mist in the face of Havok, causing the disqualification.

My Opinion: 2.6 out of 5 – This wasn’t bad, but it was a bit dull in parts. This had the right feel to it (two psychos kicking the $#!@ out of each other), but the match couldn’t match the ambition of a David Cronenberg picture produced by Dana White. That reference didn’t make any sense, did it? Well, neither does Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, but who cares about tax reform anyway? All in all, there’s definitely something going on with this feud, but Don Callis and Scott D’Amore need to give it more time to gestate so it can become something great.

Match #2: Moose def. Fallah Bahh

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Fallah tosses Moose halfway across the ring, followed by a belly-to-belly suplex. Fallah sends Moose crashing into the corner with a strong Irish whip. Fallah is in total control when he hits a huge back drop. Moose rakes the eyes of Fallah to gain control. Moose connects with a crossbody but it has no effect on Fallah. Fallah hits the Banzai Drop in the corner but Moose somehow kicks out. Moose connects with the No Jackerhammer Needed Spear to win.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – This was easy viewing all the way. The matches between these two keep getting better all the time and this one was no exception. I’m glad that Bahh has committed to losing the weight and taking his persona more seriously, because it’s doing wonders for him. Moose continues to be excellent for his size and still feels like some-one who should have won the title last year. All in all, this is a fine way to keep two guys spinning their wheels while slowly, but surely, getting somewhere.

Match #3: TJP def. Golden Magic

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Golden Magic hits a Moonsault to TJP on the floor. Golden Magic heads to the top rope but TJP cuts him off with a kick. TJP hangs up Golden Magic in the corner and hits a delayed running dropkick. TJP attempts a Swanton but Golden Magic avoids it and hits a springboard cutter. Golden Magic hits a springboard corkscrew, colliding with TJP on the concrete. TJP connects with a Brainbuster but Golden Magic kicks out at two. Golden Magic turns it around with a Hurricanrana off the top for a near fall. Golden Magic takes TJP off the top with a Moonsault slam. Golden Magic misses the follow-up 450 splash, allowing TJP to lock in a submission for the win.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was a smart match that was a bit loose in parts, but always felt real. TJP has come a long way in terms of how he wrestles. He may not be a cult of personality, but TJP has managed to become the perfect under-card competitor, always performing at a high level and never over-shadowing the main event. Magic proved to be an adept opponent for TJP and played his part well. Did you know the Pink Panther was a mute? Try getting him to say “rubber-baby-bugger-bumper” five times fast. It would just sound like “hmmmmmm”. Okay, this was pretty damn good!

Match #4: Rob Van Dam def. Madman Fulton w/ Dave Crist (Disqualification)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

RVD somersaults off the apron, taking Fulton off his feet on the floor. Fulton turns it around with a Chokeslam in the ring. RVD hits a springboard back kick, followed by another kick to the head. RVD connects with Rolling Thunder. Dave Crist pushes RVD off the top rope, causing the disqualification.

My Opinion: 3.2 out of 5 – These slow RVD matches are getting faster and faster all the time. Actually, these guys worked really well with each other. Both guys sold for one another and it made all the difference. Ben Affleck played an autistic mercenary. I once farted hard enough to shake my floor. Who’s more impressive…is a question I would ask if the answer was even close to being in doubt. Fulton did really well with RVD and vice versa. I should write a screenplay of Koko the gorilla playing Barbarella. Overall, Mira Sorvino kicks ass and this was a good match.

Match #5: (Main Event) The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) def. LAX (Santana & Ortiz) w/ Konnan – Titles vs Careers Match For The Impact Tag Team Titles

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

If The North win this match, LAX will be forced to leave IMPACT Wrestling. Ortiz is on fire in the early going, taking it to both members of The North. Ortiz hits Page with a tornado DDT, followed by a sit-down powerbomb to Alexander. The North hit their double team signature move but Ortiz is somehow able to get his shoulder up at two. The North are about to attempt the LAX Street Sweeper on Ortiz but Santana cuts them off. Santana launches himself off the back of Ortiz, hitting Alexander with a flying somersault for a near fall. This time, it’s Page who breaks up a Street Sweeper attempt on Alexander. The North hit Santana with a double team backbreaker, followed by their signature finishing flurry to win.

My Opinion: 3.3 out of 5 – This was quite good for a match that didn’t go as long as it should, considering the stakes of the bout. LAX and The North have become one of the easiest set of matches to watch this year and this match fits right into that rhyme scheme. I…sound like a dink. I’ll miss LAX being in Impact, but they’re going to All Elite Wrestling, so at least they are not disappearing. Overall, this was an excellent way to go for LAX and a fine way to give The North the torch to carry for a while.

News Of The Night:

  1. Brian Cage proposed to Melissa Santos and she said yes.
  2. Brian Cage will defend the Impact World Title against Sami Callihan at Bound for Glory.
  3. Johnny Swinger is coming to IMPACT Wrestling.
  4. Tessa Blanchard & Tommy Dreamer fight Sami Callihan & Jake Crist in a Street Fight Match, next week.
  5. After Ace tricked Alisha Edwards into think her husband Eddie cheated on her with a hooker, it’s Ace Austin fighting Eddie Edwards, next week.
  6. Texano Jr. fights Dr. Wagner Jr. (who seems to not be retired any-more), next week.
  7. Michael Elgin wrestles, next week.

Final Verdict: 3.2/5

This was a decent show that had a deflated yet satisfying departure for LAX as well as some strong wrestling for most of the card.

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