14th Aug2019

WWE Smackdown Live – Aug 13th 2019: Results & Review

by Nathan Favel

Welcome to this week’s SmackDown Live review, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have…well, it better be better than last night’s Raw. I saw that others liked it, but it made me wanna hurl. Needless to say, but the bar is not very high for this to be a success. Oh, Chasing The Cure seems to be an interesting show. Global Warming might destroy us all in 12 years, so maybe we outta do some-thing to stop it. Okay, it’s time to stop delaying the inevitable. Here comes SmackDown.

smackdown-2018-logo

Match #1: Charlotte Flair def. Ember Moon

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

Fresh off a SummerSlam that saw both Superstars turn heads, Charlotte Flair collided with Ember Moon in a rematch from several weeks ago. After picking up a win over Flair in their last encounter, The Shenom brought the fight to the nine-time Women’s Champion in full force, battling through The Queen’s assault on her leg and almost catching Flair for three after a barrage of kicks. However, the most pivotal kick proved to be Charlotte’s big boot, which connected pinpoint on Ember’s jaw. The brutal strike left The Shenom in position for the Figure-Eight, which The Queen immediately applied to earn the submission victory.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5 – This was a good, solid match that had nothing wrong with it, but felt a lot like one of those Natalya matches a lot of us complain about, that they are good, but boring. There’s a reason why Becky Lynch has become so successful and it ain’t because she has boring matches. I like both of these people, but this match felt like a token bout for being on the roster, rather than because they are both important to the roster. I feel bad putting down two wrestlers whose matches I enjoy, but there’s a reason why Trish Stratus got a bigger reaction than either woman at SummerSlam and it’s called IT. Neither of these women have IT yet, but when they do, I’ll be thrilled to give them all the credit in the world for having IT. I feel like Mark Madden. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Match #2: Roman Reigns def. Buddy Murphy

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

A whirlwind couple of days for Buddy Murphy, who, after some forceable prompting from Roman Reigns last week, revealed that Rowan was the culprit in the recent attacks against The Big Dog, and The Best Kept Secret made his SmackDown in-ring debut tonight against Reigns. Prior to the match, Rowan & “The New” Daniel Bryan arrived to vehemently deny that Rowan — and Bryan by association — had anything to do with the attacks on Reigns and would prove their innocence tonight. Still fuming after Roman’s treatment of him last week, Murphy staggered The Big Dog several times, even hitting a brainbuster that looked like it would seal the victory. The Big Dog persevered with a clutch kickout, however, and soon drilled The Best Kept Secret with a Superman Punch off the steel steps and a thunderous Spear that sent Murphy end-over-end for an emphatic victory.

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was an excellent match that favored Buddy for a good portion. This was wrestled quite well and made for a surprisingly strong anchor for the middle of the show. This is the most pretentious attempt at sea humor I’ve ever fished for. See?! It just keeps getting worse! Boat doesn’t belong in the harbor. Ahhhhhh!!!!!! Okay, I gotta get a grip on myself. Roman and Buddy had a lot of chemistry together, like, they were totes amaze-balls lit fire… Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!! That’s worse than the sea jokes! I don’t care if I have to talk like the Sea Captain from The Simpsons, but I’ll never say “totes” again…not if I can help it. I gotta get a delete button so I can erase these lousy jokes. I’m glad this match went on to be more than just a squash, because no one deserves to have to wrestle a squash and longer matches equal more time to shine. Like Kevin James in a buffet line, I am happy…like so totes happy. Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Match #3: Samoa Joe def. Kevin Owens (with Elias as the Special Guest Outside Enforcer)

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

At the start of SmackDown LIVE, Shane McMahon informed Kevin Owens that he would be in competition tonight; he just failed to mention that KO would be taking on Samoa Joe and that Elias would serve as Special Guest Outside Enforcer. Owens had to keep his eyes locked on The Samoan Submission Machine right in front of him and The Living Truth lurking at ringside, which he did for a while, and he seemed to be closing in on victory when he nearly drove Joe through the canvas with the Pop-up Powerbomb. However, Elias took liberties within his role of Enforcer, dragging the in-ring official out of the ring before he could count to three and then making a wickedly quick three-count as Joe rolled up Owens for a highly controversial victory.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – First off, I’m pissed because Elias Koteas was not involved with this match. Our Elias here is the dip-stick with the guitar. If he ain’t gonna play Santana’s version of “She’s Not There” then Elias can go boil an egg. Now, as for the match, it was doing pretty well, but it got cut off way too soon. People would actually pay to see this match and it only went long enough for a sloth to wipe its ass after going potty. Yeah, I said potty. Grown men say potty. Potty party? Totes? Ahhhhhh!!!!!! Not that $#!@ again. I’ll smash the Valley Girl that thought of totes. Anyway, Joe and KO had the kind of match that screamed “go long” like it already had the ball most of the way there, but since Vince McMahon’s only idea for football is “shoot the quarterback if he touches the ball” , I’ll guess that touchdowns are not what he’s going for. This was like booking Goldberg to fight Hulk Hogan, but not actually having them do anything. Yeah, I know what I said. All four of these guys draw and were given a disservice in similar circumstances…albeit with more stakes going on for the Goldberg/Hogan match, but still. Okay, I’m done talking about this. Pisses me off.

Match #4: (Main Event) The Revival & Randy Orton def. The New Day

The following is courtesy of wwe.com:

The scheduled match was Xavier Woods & Big E vs. The Revival, but Randy Orton hit the scene with a plan: Throw out a bunch of slander about how Kofi Kingston was “scared” of The Apex Predator after the way their SummerSlam match ended and then suggest they join the main event by way of making it a Six-Man Tag Team Match. Of course, the WWE Champion was down. Highlights from the thrilling main event included Orton back-suplexing Woods into the announcer’s table, Big E belly-to-belly suplexing the opposition at a rapid rate and Kingston wiping out Orton with a dazzling dive. In the clutch, The Revival bested a battered Woods by dropping him with a picture-perfect Shatter Machine for the win. Dash & Dawson continued their assault on Woods & Big E after the bell, but Kingston fought them off with a dropkick and Trouble in Paradise, respectively, but Orton was ready to strike. Kofi let himself open to a preying Viper, who took down Kofi, Woods and Big E with RKOs… and then a second to Kofi, seemingly for good (and sadistic) measure.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5 – This was pretty good, but it needed some pepper to make it taste real good. All I have left are food jokes. I used the rest on everything else. The wrestling was crisp and swift, like Errol Flynn in skin-tight spandex. Hey, Robin Hood is at his best when his crotch looks like a muffin-top. The match had plenty of action, like a toupee in Dr. Phil’s house. I really liked the way this match was assembled, as it was more about establishing that a style of wrestling (namely technical) beat The New Day’s method of “give ‘em pan-cakes”. Overall, this was a solid main event that made Orton look like he knew what he was doing.

News Of The Night:

1. Daniel Bryan got Buddy Murphy to admit, through force, that he lied about who is trying to kill Roman Reigns.

2. Daniel Bryan will reveal who tried to kill Roman Reigns, next week.

Final Verdict: 3/5

This was a good show that wasn’t one of the best in history, but it had enough wrestling to feel like it they tried and…there you go.

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