08th Jul2019

‘Impact Wrestling: Bash at The Brewery 2019′ Review

by Nathan Favel

impact-bash-brewery-19

Welcome to this review of Impact Wrestling’s Bash at The Brewery 2019, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have an entire show held in a brewery. I don’t know why they went for this, but I guess Madison Square Garden isn’t returning their calls. This could be a very interesting venue to wrestle in, as long as everybody resists the urge to have a beer bash battle royal. Okay, let’s watch a bunch of drunks watch some people pretend to beat the snot out of each other at $30 a pop.

Match #1: The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier, Zachary Wentz & Trey Miguel) beat Matthew Palmer, “Dirty” Andy Dalton & Steve O Reno – 6 Man Tag Team Match

This had some nice action, but so does an episode of Family Guy (chicken fight). There was nothing bad here, but nothing great either. Everything went well for what they tried, but this was just a bunch of moves to me.

My Opinion: 2 out of 5

Match #2: Fallah Bahh (c) beat Anthony Andrews (with Brandon Oliver) – River City Wrestling Heavyweight Championship Match

This wasn’t much. I hate writing bad reviews. I’m sure these two have more ability than what was shown here (Bahh definitely does), but you wouldn’t know it from watching this.

My Opinion: 1 out of 5

Match #3: Jordynne Grace beat Havok (with Su Yung): Disqualification

Remember that Looney Tunes cartoon with the kitten that becomes a bird? The flying cat cartoon is better than this match. This was a clumsy, clunky waste of the wrestlers’ time and mine.

My Opinion: 1 out of 5

Match #4: Jordynne Grace and Rosemary beat Havok and Su Yung – Tag Team Match

This wasn’t much better than the last match. What if a pig had been in the flying cat cartoon instead? Oh, and Fred from Scooby Doo is a dink. An ascot? Dumb-ass.

My Opinion: 2 out of 5

Match #5: Tessa Blanchard, Rich Swann and Willie Mack beat oVe (Dave Crist, Jake Crist & Madman Fulton) – Six-Man Tag Team Match

This was better than some of the other stuff on here, but it still felt like a waste of oVe. Established tag teams should not be sacrificed just to put over three people who don’t need that kind of victory. The wrestling was fine, but that isn’t always enough.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5

Match #6: Michael Elgin beat Eddie Edwards and Moose – Triple Threat Match

This was the best thing so far, but that’s not saying much. The action was good but stifled, thanks to the triple threat business (one out, two in…triple threat my ass). I’m glad Elgin won, but the whole triple threat stipulation just felt out of place.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5

Match #7: The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander) beat LAX (Santana & Ortiz) – Impact Tag Team Championships Match

Well, this was the big piece of news, by a wide margin. I just had a devious thought: North beat South. It’s an American Civil War reference! I didn’t want you to get confused and think I was talking about Captain America: Civil War. War Machine is a cripple now. Anyway, this was a pretty good match that had enough quality wrestling to be the best thing on the show and that was before the finish. Having new champions crowned in a brewery serves the purpose of making every show feel like it could be special while giving alcoholics something to stare at. I have nothing against people who drink, but I don’t think we’ll see too many wrestling cards in a brewery, so I might as well use these jokes up while I can. I never said they were funny, but if Lenny Bruce was allowed to do stand-up, then I get to dump off these lame quips. Speaking of which, having LAX drop the titles in a show no one will likely see is not the best booking decision. I imagine LAX lost the titles either because LAX is possibly leaving or simply to make these smaller special events on Impact+ feel important. Well, at least a good team is getting a shot at having a title run. Congratulations to The North and good luck with the straps.

My Opinion: 3 out of 5

Match #8: (Main Event) Rob Van Dam beat Sami Callihan

I would have had Sami win, but RVD is still a drawing name, so there are worse people to beat Sami on the eve of his Slammiversary match with Tessa Blanchard. RVD was much slower than he had been in previous years, but he was still good enough to make his stuff effective. Sami and RVD never quite found a good rhythm together (I sound like a prick). This match probably should have been a Hardcore Match, but it’s possible they are saving that for later. In any case, this was not either man’s best match, but it did enough to suggest that there are better matches to be had between these two.

My Opinion: 2.5 out of 5

Final Verdict: 2.5/5

This show felt very cheap, but did make up for that with a couple of sound fights and a big title change.

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