03rd Jun2019

‘Impact Wrestling’ Review (May 30th 2019)

by Nathan Favel

impact-wrestling-header

Welcome to this week’s review of Impact Wrestling, right here on Nerdly. I’m Nathan Favel and we have some nice matches to get to, so let’s go down to Emmett’s shop and fix Emmett. That’s a Charles Bronson/Andy Griffith/Simpsons joke. Okay, let’s dive right in to Impact and see if it lives up to the standard that it should be at.

Match #1: Rob Van Dam, Tommy Dreamer & Sabu w/ Super Genie def. Moose & The North (Ethan Page & Josh Alexander)

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

RVD hits Moose with his signature spinning heel kick in the early going. RVD connects with Rolling Thunder as Sabu hits a springboard leg drop on Moose! Moose causes a distraction for the referee, allowing him to hit a low blow on Dreamer. Moose attempts Rolling Thunder of his own but Dreamer cuts him off by throwing a steel chair at his face! RVD hits a split-legged Moonsault on Page. Sabu and Super Genie launch themselves off a steel chair, crashing into Alexander in the corner! Dreamer connects with a Spicolli Driver on Alexander. Moose takes out Dreamer with a Spear. RVD hits a Van Daminator into a steel chair on Moose! Sabu sends Page crashing through a table with the Arabian Facebuster! RVD follows up with the Five Star Frog Splash to win!

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – This not one of the most athletic matches, but it worked for just giving RVD and Sabu a chance to be together on camera again. This probably would have worked better if they had been allowed to wrestle one of those intense, intricate hardcore matches from early Extreme Championship Wrestling. As it was, this was just a bunch of decent chair shots that got tied together to make a weak yet fun opener.

Match #2: Tessa Blanchard def. Glenn Gilbertti – Intergender Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Before the match begins, Glenn gets on the mic and sarcastically praises Tessa. Glenn crosses the line and Tessa has had enough, causing her to go on the attack! Tessa connects with a knockout shot to win in dominant fashion!

My Opinion: 0.5 out of 5 – This was not much of a match at all. It didn’t even go a minute nor have much action, beyond Tessa hitting Glenn with some elbows. If you’re going to quietly prepare Tessa for a shot at the Impact World Championship (which might just be the case) then just come right out and say it.

Match #3: The Deaners (Cody & Cousin Jake) def. Desi Hit Squad (Rohit Raju & Raj Singh) w/ Gama Singh

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Cody hits a dive through the ropes to the outside! Jake is next to fly as he flips over the top rope, crashing into the Desi Hit Squad on the floor! Raj trips up Cody from the outside, allowing Rohit to take control with a running dropkick. The Deaners are looking to put Raj away when Rohit breaks things up with another running kick! Cody pushes Raj into Rohit, sending him crashing to the floor. Cody rolls up Raj from behind to score the win!

My Opinion: 2 out of 5 – This was a dull match that gave the new team a chance to have some momentum at the beginning of their new run with this league. Nothing spectacular here happened, but it was decent and serviceable, so there you go.

Match #4: Eddie Edwards def. Killer Kross – Street Fight Match

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Kross is wearing a flak jacket, perhaps for more protection in this match. Eddie charges at Kross at ringside and this fight is on! There are no disqualifications, no countouts and there must be a winner! Kross hits a suplex on the floor to take control. Eddie attempts a dive through the ropes but Kross cuts him off with a garbage can shot in mid-air! Eddie swings and misses with a trash can lid, allowing Kross to lock in the Kross Jacket choke! Eddie gets it off with repeated weapon shots but Kross comes right back with a big boot! Kross slams Eddie completely through a steel ladder! Eddie counters a Brainbuster attempt and hits a sunset flip powerbomb into a pile of steel chairs for a two count! Kross hits the Doomsday Saito Slam but instead of trying to put Eddie away, Kross puts on a pair of lead-lined gloves! But then, The Sandman makes his return and attacks Kross with a kendo stick! Eddie follows up with the Boston Knee Party to win!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a dirty, low-down, filthy, nasty match that successfully took the hardcore style and merged it with a more traditional, 1980s Jim Crockett brawl. I wish that they’d stop with the ECW stuff for Eddie, but there seems to be an opinion of Eddie by the current bookers that Eddie just isn’t interesting on his own. Kross seems to be more of their cup of tea, but with the rumors that Kross is looking to leave the league, perhaps their kind of guy is not what they should be looking for? Fortunately, with Eddie being the bigger draw, he was given the victory that he deserved and even got a little help along the way.

Match #5: (Main Event) X-Division Champion Rich Swann & Willie Mack def. Johnny Impact w/ John E Bravo & Michael Elgin

The following is courtesy of impactwrestling.com:

Swann and Willie jumpstart the match by hitting in-sync flip dives over the top rope to the floor. Swann hits a slingshot crossbody from the ring into Johnny on the outside. Elgin connects with a Death Valley Driver on Willie, into Swann in the corner! Willie goes on the attack, taking it to both Elgin and Johnny. Willie hits a double running clothesline to keep the momentum going. Elgin hits a slingshot back elbow on Willie. Elgin then catches Swann in mid-air and takes him down to the mat with a powerslam. Elgin flies over the top rope to the floor with a flip dive to both Willie and his partner, Johnny! Swann is next to fly with a corkscrew into everyone! Johnny hits a springboard kick on Swann into a German suplex from Elgin! Willie connects with a Samoan Drop on Johnny, followed by a standing Moonsault. Willie goes for the pin but he isn’t the legal man! Swann sends Johnny crashing into his partner Elgin. Johnny ensures him that it was an accident but Elgin doesn’t buy it and walks to the back! Swann hits Johnny with the 450 Splash to win!

My Opinion: 3.5 out of 5 – This was a dynamic main event that got real physical real, quick. I liked every move here and really enjoyed the atmosphere that…okay, enough with the serious writer thing. Have you ever $#!@ so hard that your IQ shoots up two points? Yeah, well the whole IQ thing was made up for French kindergartners, so I wouldn’t put much stock into that nonsense. That being said, this match was not nonsense. There, I had a point for going a bit of topic. It wasn’t a good point, but it works. This match was so good that I feel like Captain Caveman just talking about it. CAPTAIN CAAAAAVVVVVEEEEMMMMAAAAAAANNNNNN! That felt good. In fact, that felt just as good as this match was. I did it again. The action was tightly wound around a core ideal of hard-hitting mayhem at a speed of a thousand miles an hour, just like the House of Commons on an all-night bender. Overall, Brexit is one of the dumbest words I’ve ever seen and this match was excellent.

News Of The Night:

  1. Brian Cage will defend the Impact World Championship against Michael Elgin at Slammiversary.
  2. Moose has disbanded from The North.
  3. The Rascalz challenge LAX for the Impact World Tag Team Championships, next week.
  4. The Sandman helped Eddie Edwards win his match against Killer Kross.
  5. The Sandman gave Eddie Edwards a new kendo stick.
  6. Rosemary attacks James Mitchell after he correctly blamed her for Allie’s death.
  7. 7ake and Dave Crist will wrestle Fallah Bahh and Scarlett Bordeaux in a tag team match, next week.

Final Verdict: 3.5/5

Maybe it was the two excellent matches, the fact that interesting matches were built towards for later dates or that I got a Captain Caveman reference into a review, but this was a show that I liked.

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